Category: Review

August 23, 2022 – Self Reliance Magazine

August 23, 2022 /

Let the cheapness flow. Last Tuesday, I wrote about Backwoods Home Magazine, today I am reviewing the companion publication. The story as I understand it was that the kids of the publisher started this magazine. I am presuming the strategy was to leverage the name of Backwoods Home to kickstart this one.

My interpretation of the mission statement is similar content, less controversial. Of course, less controversial is subjective. What is missing is content on firearms and politics. My one look at Backwoods Home, I saw some of those two but really very little; I would say two columns. Nevertheless, as promised it is not here.

Below is a look of the contents of Self-Reliance Magazine.

  1. Tips on watering your Garden
  2. The front porch concert
  3. From tree to table: Harvesting black walnuts
  4. The jitter free cafe (coffee substitutes)
  5. How to build a bee house
  6. 11 building mistakes
  7. Protecting canning jars during an earthquake
  8. Natural Goat Horns
  9. Homeschool vs. online school
  10. Blueberries for all of us
  11. Sew a ram apron
  12. A primer on zippers
  13. Grain Sack Totes
  14. The complicated world of corn
  15. Foraging farther off the grid
  16. Making crock pot yogurt
  17. Healthy, heart smart Greek cuisine
  18. Six soulful smoothies

In many ways, I felt like I was reading an extension to Backwoods Home. Most of the subject matter was the same and even authors/columnist cross back and forth. I felt like Self-Reliance had additional food and crafts to make up for the content the parent publication has. It is probably subconscious because I knew this before I started but I felt like the the overall tone was subdued compared to Backwoods Home.

From this, I am interested in trying to make yogurt, I thought that there was some good advice to secure canning jars and the Ram apron was an eye opener. This is a device to prevent the ram from breading when it is the time of year. The zipper article offered some tips on mending and it confirmed some things that I thought I knew.

Maybe I shouldn’t admit this either but I have my eyes open for picking up a second hand sewing machine because it is so much easier and better than sewing by hand. I have sewed a number of patches on my kids Boy Scout Uniforms and it takes a long time. Ideally, they would show some initiative and do this themselves but I could see some value in mending myself.

End Your Programming Routine: I am strongly considering subscribing. If I do, there is a deal to get both in the same transaction which is what I will do. That being said, if I only could pick one it would be Backwoods Home over Self-Reliance. It just felt more like me. There are several publications that are pretty similar as well like Grit and Mother Earth News come to mind. The extra spicy Backwoods Home is a differentiator.

August 19, 2022 – Atlas Shrugged 1:7

August 19, 2022 /

This was a long chapter, over 50 pages. It was really a tale of two sides. The first being the State Science Institute denounces Reardon Metal, contractors/suppliers quit, unions refuse to work with it. The other was Dabny creates the John Galt Inc as own contracting company. Orders are exploding for Reardon metal because other suppliers have failed. So, in other words we have the state and media saying one thing and people doing the other… sound familiar?

Once again we hear another John Galt back story. This time he found the fountain of youth. It seems that John Galt is a mysterious character that no one really knows anything about. I know for a fact that we are going to continue to learn more about him but we will just have to wait for that to be revealed.

Also, another significant event happens, the Equalization of Opportunity bill passes. If you remember from last week, this is the statute that only allows a person to own one business. In theory, this is going to prevent industry vertical integration. With all of the supply chain issues, I am sure that this is going to have a negative effect on Reardon Metal.

The rest of this post I am going to focus on the smear campaign against Reardon Metal. There were lots of interesting quotes in the interaction between Dr. Robert Stadler of the State Science Institute and Dabny however, I chose these two. “Set science free of the rule of the dollar.” “And when we deal with people, considerations other than the truth enter the question.”

Now, taking it one at a time. Once again, there is this higher level thought that science should be free from the influence of money. As an educated scientist, I can say that attitude is really still pervasive within the educational doctrine. It is not so much the case on the front of research. You see, it take money to perform ‘research’ and institutional budgets are not adequate. This means that industry is funding academic studies. At that point, the outcome is likely tainted because it is not an impartial hypothesis.

Stadler proclaims that the sole purpose of the Institute is to create cutting edge materials research i.e. invent new products. Since this is a publicly funded venture, he is concerned that his entity will be judged for little to no output. And to make matters worse, Reardon Metal is the technological biggest breakout in the current era. Therefore, slander on the metal is an attempt to save his own reputation. Aligned with him are all of the lazy industrialist that have a comfort in not having competition.

Like the Betamax/VHS debate of the mid-1980s, the best product (or truth) isn’t always important. Sometimes when something dominates the market, then it doesn’t matter if it is the best. This is not what Stadler was inferring with his statement. He was actually saying the opposite. It is OK to lie to the public when it is in their best interest.

I like to call that the ‘better-than-you liberal’. There is something about the arrogance of people that have this prevailing opinion that the ends justify the means. Whether it is a mask or vaccine judgement or you don’t announce your pronouns or you don’t have a Ukraine flag icon on your social media it has the feel of judgement to me. Remember, even if masks don’t decrease the risk of transmission, it can’t hurt to require people to wear them.

End Your Programming Routine: I am open to being wrong, but this is the behavior I have observed from the left side of the political spectrum. The difference with the right side is they are always saying “what you should do is…” or “they ought to…”. If you recall, I choose neither. I am perfectly OK that you think that you were born a cat or the earth is flat; I am not going to respect that but that is your right. Once again, examine the motivations of the source of data or opinions to get the appropriate understanding for yourself.

August 16, 2022 – Backwoods Home Magazine

August 16, 2022 /

Among the podcasts I listen to, Backwoods Home Magazine (BHM) is an advertiser or vice versa. I have never really paid much attention to it. In fact, two or three years ago, the publisher actually retired and the magazine ceased to exist. One of the children started a sister publication called Self-Reliance magazine with the idea that some of the more ‘controversial’ content removed. That is any content on politics and firearms.

Then, another child of the publisher re-started Backwoods Home Magazine. As I understand, the magazine went from bi-monthly to quarterly. The only reason I paid any attention to it was that the magazine was based on the southern Oregon coast. Content comes from contributors across the country, but there is definitely some local effect to the entire magazine.

I started thinking to myself that I would be interested in checking it out so I picked up a copy. Tractor Supply carries a lot of different books and magazines in these types of topics. I had never even opened up a copy before and here is what I found.

At the risk of being boring, here is an abstract of the table of contents.

  1. Realistic goals for a first-year homesteader
  2. The return of victory gardens
  3. Balancing homeshooling and homesteading
  4. A method for washing hair off-grid
  5. 10 rabbit raising mistakes and how to avoid them
  6. Bake your own dog treats
  7. Grandma’s thrifty wartime recipes
  8. Blackberry bonanza
  9. Making and using an osier willow crayfish trap
  10. Homemade insulation cutter
  11. Crust crisis? (pies)
  12. Depression era pies
  13. The good, bad and the ugly of keeping a buck (goats)
  14. Cross stitch your own Backwoods Home sampler
  15. Homeschooling and the question of socialization
  16. Build a clever under-the-bed storage drawer
  17. Homesteading and the bird flue
  18. Medical preparedness for nuclear war

What I started to realize is that this is the magazine version of AltF4.co. Sure, maybe the topic mix are not quite what I want to talk about. I actually read the articles on how to wash hair and cross-stitching with interest. I didn’t list the columns but they are along the lines of political editorials, firearms (from Massad Ayoob of all people) and Americana like poems, anecdotes, jokes and user submitted photos. Heck, maybe I should advertise or become a contributing author?

I also bought a copy of Self-Reliance magazine. That will be for another day. Like all periodicals, not everything was temporal or I see myself using the information. But, there was certainly enough variety and interest to make me want to see more. I suppose the focus on thrift, self reliance, tradition, cooking, using and preserving bounty, and variety is what appeals to me.

Before I purchased the magazines, I almost just subscribed. But then I thought maybe I only want one versus the other. How do I even know I want to when I have never even opened either? Reading the magazine, I learned that both publications moved from the coast to the town next door to the south. So, now they are less than twenty miles away.

End Your Programming Routine: In the last couple months, my wife and I have had serious conversations about moving, particularly more rurally. That is always where I wanted to be but the familial issues have been making us consider proximity to the situation as well. Our kids have three years max in the current school system so that is our stage gate from making a real move. We have a some friends that are leaving next spring for retirement and their property is in the school district. We took a detailed tour of the shop, garden and home, just saying. I am keeping a close eye on state politics. Even though I am Oregon born and bred, I don’t like the way things are going so commitment is still in doubt that I will want to stay. BHM is the type of stuff I want to be doing when the nest empties.

August 12, 2022 – Atlas Shrugged 1:6

August 12, 2022 /

There was a lot going on in this chapter. As little as there was in the last, there was ten times as much in this one. It helps with the setting as the Reardon’s hold a cocktail party for their wedding anniversary. This was the perfect canvas for having all kinds of characters that may never be seen again in the book have impactful lines or reveal true colors.

I’m not going to try to keep things in chronological order today. I am going to use the different conversations to support what I see as the primary theme today. Before I get totally into it, there was one other thing that came up and that was an origin story of John Galt. Supposedly, he found Atlantis by sailing and he or his crew was never seen again.

Probably the most seminal moment in the chapter is the conversation between Henry Reardon and Frank D’aconia. The characters Frank, Dabny and Henry seems to be becoming a disrupters but more so Frank. He is stirring up the thought provoking insights like when he asked Henry “Why are you willing to carry them”? This is in context to the idea that there are the doers in life and then there are the non-doers (better phrasing than parasite?).

Among the conversations happing at the party, the political idea came up of the Equalization of Opportunity Bill. This is the idea that a person can only own one business so as to not become to rich, powerful or influential. The idea that there is a fragile balance between still having some degree of autonomy or freedom and too much is supported by this quote as well. “Property rights are only superstition. One holds property only by the courtesy of those who do not seize it.”

It is not just the economy discussions that lean toward communism. “Culture should be taken out of the hands of the dollar chasers. We need a national subsidy for literature.” Has anyone ever heard this argument for NPR? I have. When I was younger and a much different world, I used to sympathize more in this direction. Now that I am more mature, I feel like if people don’t value something enough to support directly, then is it really valuable? There are new and different ways today such as crowd funding and I am much more willing to let survival of the fittest prevail.

Earlier, when I talked over the division of doer and non-doers, this chapter gets into it with the Frank/Hank conversation. Frank is pointing out that Hank is killing himself to make a go with Reardon Metal while everyone else is whining about people becoming too rich. And yet, they are doing little to improve their own situation other that supporting laws that limit other’s potential.

While this was written almost 70 years ago, I feel like I could hear these conversations today. My observation is that we are lucky that position hasn’t fully taken hold. However, I predict that it is a matter of time. As an example in my lifetime I will use health insurance.

When I was really young, no one had health insurance. My dad got it added as a benefit when I was about four. Growing up and getting my first job, health insurance was a competitive requirement to attract employees. Almost fifteen years ago, it became a punitive requirement, have it or be fined. Even unemployed people have insurance through socialized medical programs. When we lay it all out, what we have effectively added was an abstracted layer between the patient and doctor. I defy you to prove that this is more effective treatment, more efficient process or even a better quality of standard.

Have we really achieved the care that we want by adding ‘insurance’? I think not. This entire charade has inflated the cost of care such that paying out of pocket is nearly un-achievable for all but the simplest of procedures leaving the companies dictating the care by proxy of affordability. What happens when the doers stop supporting the non-doers? Well, the non-doers force them to support them anyway through laws like healthcare.

End Your Programming Routine: As I eluded last week, there are those that see what is happening and those that do not. It seems that Frank and Dabny do not yet, do you? I am constantly amazed by the number of schemes or smoke and mirrors. You cannot tell me that the economy is burning in the background that everything is fine. What is the first step in correcting a problem? Admitting you have one.

August 9, 2022 – Salad Freak: Recipes to Feed a Healthy Obsession

August 9, 2022 /

This is the August selection for the Left Coast Culinary Book Club. This book is a cookbook for Salads by Jess Damuck. Who is Jess Damuck? From what I read, she is a food stylist that primarily worked with Martha Stewart.

Once again, this book is divided by seasons. The one thing that I thought was really brilliant was that there is a master list of ingredients broken into categories. Then, each salad draws on the ingredients in the category. So recipes are organized by ingredients in the category, with the assumption that (1. you are into salads) you have options if you are working from a standard pantry.

Because Jess is a food stylist, all of the photos are vibrant and look great. One of her technique suggestions was to use similar items in different shapes. Think carrots and parsnips. Think rounds and julienne. In my opinion, this is more of a presentation tip than a taste improvement.

This is about where the compliments end from me. I wasn’t present when the voting happened and I probably wouldn’t have protested anyway but I find it hard to get jazzed about salads. Jess uses a lot of jargon, techniques or ingredients that I have never heard of. When I last went to the store, I checked on a few of these things and nope, not there. So, unless you are growing yourself, good luck with duplicating.

Maybe it is because I already know this but she frequently uses a lot of combinations of textures such as leaves, nuts, cheese, proteins, etc. It therefore feels like most of the salads are a random catchment of ingredients than deliberate combinations. In the foreword, Martha Stewart says that her marker of a good cookbook makes her hungry. So far, I haven’t marked a single recipe yet.

Given that I think making a cookbook about salad new and fresh is going to be difficult, I think probably 10% of the recipes are a stretch. Here are two examples gazpacho and esquites (Mexican corn) that I wouldn’t call a salad at all. There are other things that are called salad but I would call sandwich spreads or toppings like arugula pizza or egg salad.

To be fair, I haven’t made anything out of it yet. If you remember last month, I have tried a couple more and was very pleased with Corned Beef Dinner for instance. So, maybe I will soften up. The truth is, I don’t see myself really making much. But, all it takes is a handful to be worth it. So, I owe it to the book club to try a few things.

End Your Programming Routine: What can I say? I am not looking forward to the next one either. It is about gluten free cooking. I am not really big on gluten anyway but I feel like trying to substitute never works well. I have to give Jess credit that she did something different. Just because I am not into it, doesn’t mean that this isn’t for someone.

August 5, 2022 – Atlas Shrugged 1:5

August 5, 2022 /

Here we are, Happy Friday. I had a pretty good week working on my projects, reading my books and doing what I do. I can see the end of my siding project coming so I can turn around and look at what is next. There are several more outside things that need to get done, but summer is winding down fast.

This chapter felt a lot like filler. I know that it was character development giving Dabny and Frank D’Aconia’s back story. I think that it was largely free and a bit indulgent. But then again, I haven’t read the whole book so maybe it will be more significant down the line. However, there was something that came up on the back end.

“Now the planners are asking their people not to blame the government, but to blame the depravity of the rich”.

“The money will go into channels which will carry it, not to the most productive, but the most corrupt”.

What Frank is referring to in the two quotes above are the seizure of assets such as rails and mines in Mexico. When they seized the mines, they found out that they were not productive and they are trying to blame the industrialist (Frank). He further talks about the graft and shoddy practices that occurred in the startup of the mines. It is implied that this entire scenario is poetic justice for all of those that are motivated by greed and power.

What’s new here? Well nothing really but it is worth noting the story line and message are falling in line with what I was hoping the book would be. I also think that there is something else more subtle in these statements. There are always people that can see and know what is going on. It is a matter whether they actually have a platform or the resources to get the message out.

I was scanning through the AM dial last weekend. It’s been a long time since I had actually done that. One of the big stories over the weekend was that President Biden had Covid. Of course, that drudged up all kinds of opinions about the situation including the vaccine. One of the pieces was talking about the studies on the vaccine and the integrity of the data. Doctor after doctor on the show was talking about what a mess it was.

With that little detour, you can have the vision and the platform, but people still have to listen and believe. If red was black or two quarters of negative financial growth is not a recession and no longer believed to be true then the current definition of truth doesn’t even matter. Truth has to be a universally recognized.

End Your Programming Routine: It is a fine line between not revealing the plot and trying to explain the situation, especially when I haven’t read the book before so I am not sure where things are going. If you noticed that I started a little slow but I think that I have latched onto a formula. Assuming that there are concepts that worthy of me noting, I want to relate those concepts to current events or context. I think that is the way to make the abstract (or me reading a book) convey the things I have learned reading to writing. Hopefully, that translates.

July 29, 2022 – Atlas Shrugged 1:4

July 29, 2022 /

Traditionally, this week has been a hair on fire proposition. My wife and son’s birthday have passed but I am still on the hook for babysitting over the weekend so my wife can celebrate with friends in an adult oriented atmosphere. Fortunately, I got ahead on my reading so I have been able to keep my routine here.

There are a couple of anecdotal things that occur in this chapter:

  • First chapter that doesn’t use the phrase “Who is John Galt?”
  • Mexico nationalized San Sebastian Line
  • Dagny negotiates a deal with Reardon Metal
  • The National Alliance of Railroads meet and establish Anti-Dog Eat Dog Rule

It is the last point that I am going to settle on today. If you recall last week, I wrote about how a group of industrialists were meeting to talk about the idea of forming a trade group. The language that they were using was to prevent monopolies. In this chapter, that trade group was formed and called The National Alliance of Railroads.

The group selected a leader, and they passed their first resolution called the Anti-Dog Eat Dog rule. Also, if you recall the Alliance was also going to divide up the country into territories. With that, competition would be eliminated. Essentially, if a railroad operated in a particular regions, the others would not pursue any business. More on that later.

The National Alliance of Railroads elect an individual named Don Conway. He happens to be a newcomer to the industry and runs a particular area called the Rio Norte line. Unfortunately for him, that area had trains from Taggart Transcontinental first. It was majority decided that violated the Anti-dog Eat Dog rule. He was so successful, that he had virtually drove Taggart out of the market. Now he has to close down and re-vision his company.

Don seems to be a very competent business man otherwise he would not be able to dominate Taggert. However, he seems to be a very poor politician. My take on the interaction was the others used properties like honesty and transparency to paint Don into a corner and not be able to fight back. To that end, the skills and proficiencies that a person has in one endeavor does not necessarily translate to success in another setting.

I think the bigger, less obvious theme here is be mindful of groups being altruistic. I am not saying to be suspicious of everybody. But, a good first start is when someone is telling you what is better you. What I really hear is we don’t want people to infringe on our territory, we are going to protect it. In addition, we are going to package our idea in an emotional appeal that sounds like it is benevolent.

Think like the left/right dichotomy and pick your issue. Let’s say vouchers for school. Now, one party is thinking money will be drained from the established system and leave only the poor and by proxy decline in the system. The other side wants to use vouchers to send children to an institution that essentially uses the same methodology only slightly different than already exists. On one hand, I think having say and control with your money and children’s education is the better choice, but let’s look deeper.

What is the real issue? In my mind, it is failing of the educational system in real time. Some people are more switched on to it actually happening (the voucher people). But, each side is packaging their argument with emotional appeal for their own reasons like satisfying their power base. However, what is missing? It is the illusion of true choice. Not only is the current school system in failure, the established methods are really just treading the waters of time after the basic fundamentals are completed like reading and math.

I am not saying that everyone can be a true genius. But to punctuate this Mozart started writing music at five and Bobby Fischer was a chess grand champion at fourteen, Gregory R Smith was a Nobel Peace Prize winner at 12. I guarantee that none of these people were following the K-12 program. Not to say that there are not those that succeed despite the normal path. It’s just to say that there are likely more than two options.

End Your Programming Routine: So, Atlas Shrugged is shaping up to good potential. I think the thing about Ayn Rand thinking through things and writing about them is showing that the messages can be potent and entertaining at the same time. I am also getting intrigued about the character Dagny Taggert. For the rest of the message I think I was pretty clear, but consider the motive for the message.

July 26, 2022 – The Lost Kitchen

July 26, 2022 /

This is the July selection of the Left Coast Culinary book club. I have skimmed through the book and read the text portions that support all of the recipes. I actually was not going to review this book because I found it unremarkable but I will explain more below.

I will diverge for a quick moment, Emily French’s story is a very familiar one. This is another lost soul that finds redemption through cooking ala Gabrielle Hamilton or Anthony Bourdain. Because her entire enterprise is based in Maine, the content is highly New England centric.

In what seems to be a smart trend, this book is organized first by season. The intent is to guide the reader to source seasonal ingredients and therefore cook with them. My first problem is that I don’t live in New England, so ingredients such as lobster are as foreign to me as stew in the summer time. Secondly, as with best practices the recipes and techniques are simple allowing the primary ingredients to be the stars (as it should be, but see issue one).

I can forgive, substitute and cook out of season, no problem but my real issue is that nothing in particular speaks to me. I have tried the New England baked beans and the cod with citrus shallot vinaigrette and I am going to make corned beef this week so it is not that I haven’t given the book a chance. I will tell you what did however. I have never seen so many recipes that use parsnips or editable flowers. I found the photography and food styling visually appealing.

Far be it for me to criticize someone else’s work. All I am really saying is that this does not resonate with me. Others in the book club felt that this was one of the best selections in the last five years. Here is where I will end, if you are looking for New England dishes, seasonal suggestions or frequent use of flowers, then this may appeal to you.

End Your Programming Routine: I have an affinity for southern cooking, some might say soul food. I also live in the pacific northwest and enjoy cooking Mexican food, I hold regional recipes in high regard. All three of those places I hold a degree of emotional and cultural connection. I suppose you could say that I have no connection to New England, maybe that is to blame for how I feel.

July 22, 2022 – Atlas Shrugged 1:3

July 22, 2022 /

Back again this week with another chapter review of Atlas Shrugged. I am actually way ahead, so I have slowed down a little this week so we can read along together.

This chapter starts with a business meeting about a cabal of industrialist talking about forming a new trade group so that no monopoly occurs. Another way of looking at things is that they are really dividing up regions to conserve the strength and revenue where it already is. Not only will there be no monopolies but there will also be no new competitors.

Speaking of monopolies, I think we subject to the same set of propaganda when we were in school: Monopolies are bad, Teddy Roosevelt and the ‘trust busters’ and all that. In my personal opinion, there was possibly a time and place for that kind of thinking but today, unlikely. My line of thinking is that any product or service will eventually fail unless they maintain being the best (as long as acting legal/ethical).

Another point that come to mind around monopolies is guess where the true, legal monopolies exist? Why the government of course. Who permits the one garbage company or the one electrical choice? I remember distinctly a teacher espousing how this was a modern miracle all of this order and control. I don’t have a lot to say about my particular providers but without competition there is a high risk the service is what the service is. Hopefully good.

Also in this chapter, I think that we have gotten to the first theme that people in the freedom/survival/conspiracy genre peak interest. “The only justification of private property is public service” – Orren Boyle Railroad Industrialist. The elitist are expressing their true colors. That sounds pretty temporal doesn’t it?

This chapter is broken into two sections. The second half describes Dabny Taggert, the vice president of operations for the Taggert Transcontinental Railroad. From what I gather she is a woman in a man’s world. It appears that she is pretty competent as Rand contrast to her brother James. The truth is I don’t know where this story line is going yet but it certainly there is a strong sentiment for women’s equality and/or some statement about the best person for the job.

End Your Programming Routine: I am getting into the book now. Sometimes when books are so long, I sort of dread getting started because of the commitment. Since I am trying to keep my reading pace with my writing, it makes it a little less intimidating to start (as long as I stay ahead). From the looks of things, this book is going to fit onto the reading list as it is hitting the right themes and targets.

July 15, 2022 – Atlas Shrugged 1:2

July 15, 2022 /

I just finished reading the second chapter in Atlas Shrugged. This one features and industrialist and his conflict between the pull of his work and the obligation of the family.

Rand does a pretty good job of linking the chapter name to the theme of the chapter I have noticed. For that reason, I have started to include them in the tag names for future reference. This chapter is titled “The Chain” – the industrialist holding his family (and the world for that matter) in bondage. It is the industrialist’s wife that actually uses this symbolism in the last paragraph of the chapter.

For a little more context, this industrialist named Reardon has spent the last ten years of his career trying to invent/perfect a new alloy called Reardon Metal. As most successful people are, he is completely immersed in his work which makes him aloof to his family and friends. This day is the day where Reardon is working on fulfilling his first ever order. So he is happy, maybe even vindicated that this was worth the effort.

I can recognize the struggle to a bit. When you are so immersed in a problem and the solution that everything else is secondary. Even when you do experience success, the problem is too complicated or has gone on so long you have alienated or isolated others to the point that the victory is hollow. Is there anything to be happy about if it is not shared or have others to celebrate with?

I suppose the industrialist wife feels like this day is nothing to celebrate because it will just be a new problem or project. So, in some ways success is actually bondage because a business failure would ultimately end the problem, not perpetuate the situation.

End Your Programming Routine: This is something that I actually suffer from. It is part of my anti-social, entrepreneurial, moral character. I saw some Tik-Tok videos for the first time the other night. What a collection of mindless nonsense. I had to control my reaction to something that I thought was vain, petty and narcissistic because it makes my wife mad when I comment. Yet here I am trying to do something similar in my own way.