Category: Opinion

April 25, 2024 – Familiar is Comfort and Comfort is Best

April 25, 2024 / / 0 Comments

For some reason, my son thinks I need more knives. He made me a cleaver for my birthday and he recently bought me an assisted opening knife while on a trip. I have never had one of those before. It is kind of a fun novelty to continuously click it open while I am sitting and staring into space.

I live in the knife capitol of the world. Gerber, Leatherman, Benchmade, Kershaw and CRKT are all headquartered here. As a result, I have some unique opportunities like the annual seconds sale at Kershaw. There are fifty dollar knives that sell for $5. Some of them are defected while others are models that just didn’t sell. It has been a number of years since I went to the sale. The truth is I can only use so many knives. I love the idea of buying a deal and getting something cool but why…? Besides that, a lot of the knives I have have been given to me. Like the two below in the picture.

These are my two newest folding knives. Both of them were given to me. The gray one is the one I was saying that my son gave to me. The old fashioned one I was awarded by the local state representative that I was helping with his trap fundraiser. When I got it, I thought, what am I going to do with this? I keep it in my office to open boxes and packaging. The truth is, it is not a locking blade and so I am leery of putting it to real, hard work.

I have often thought that I want to buy a real barbeque show piece. I can afford it and I should have a heavy-duty tactical knife for the zombie apocalypse. But then I think about how torn I am to surrender the $15 Leatherman at TSA and I think not a chance I would carry around a $400 knife to possibly lose it.

The knife that I carry 99% of the time is the same knife I bought in middle school. I like it, it is comfortable. (read more about it october-22-2020-tacticool-thursday) It is not the best steel, it is scraped to heck back on my first amateur attempts to sharpen and it doesn’t even have a pocket clip. Those were just being invented at that time in the 1980s. My brother bought one about a year later that did have a clip. But, it does lock.

I think one of the things that I do like is that it doesn’t have a clip. That makes it slim to fit in my pocket and doesn’t catch on other things when I pull it out. I would be very, very sad if I lost it (wouldn’t be the first time). This always gets me thinking about buying a replacement Everyday Carry knife. Each time I do, I find myself going back to what is familiar and comfortable.

The only knives I have lost since becoming an adult have been because they were taken from me at the airport. However, as a kid I lost track of the number of knives that I have lost. I think two Swiss Army knives, a Boy Scouts branded folder and an Opinel given to my from our French exchange student we hosted are amongst the list. Part of the reason this is true is that it is carried every day so I always know where it is.

One time I bought a very nice looking, titanium clad knife and I carried it a while. It turns out that I hated using it because the pocket clip bit into my hand while using it. Another time I bought an expensive (for the time) knife off of e-bay. When it showed up, I was in shock. It was tiny. It is also uncomfortable to use. This was about the time I was learning that I needed to see things before buying them because the dimensions provided did not translate well in my head.

End Your Programming Routine: I probably will switch over to this new knife for a while. I don’t have the same emotional attachment to it so I am less worried about whether I will lose it or ding it up doing things it wasn’t designed to do. I doubt too that this will be the last one either. But, don’t be surprised if I go back to my old faithful either.

April 18, 2024 – Your Life, Or Your Rights

April 18, 2024 / / 0 Comments

It is no secret that I am not a stranger at the hospital. Every since I can remember, there has been a sign on all doors saying the usual things. No Smoking on campus, Service animals only and no weapons allowed. Of course, I took this to mean bad guys should not bring weapons or cause violence inside the hospital.

It should be common knowledge my stance on things. I believe in self-reliance. The police are there to take a report and find out or bring to justice after the fact. Gun free zones are no fight back zones. When someone juiced up or pissed off comes to the hospital with a rifle, they will have their way. None of this makes me any bit safer, in fact I feel less safe being completely disarmed.

A lot of gun people like to talk a tough game. ‘I’m just not going to go to some place where I have to be disarmed. I am going to take my business elsewhere.’ I do agree with that sentiment to a point. I am going to support businesses that reflect my values. However, my wife’s oncologist is within the walls of the hospital. I am not there by choice several times a week. One of my values is to stay alive.

Entering the hospital is almost like going through the airport. The metal detectors are pretty sensitive and they have a screen that shows the approximate location of whatever it detects. The problem is that almost every single person sets it off. That means a wanding, pat down and bag search. If I am trying work at the same time, I have a whole bag items that set off the metal detector.

It does no good to opine that times have changed. I have been carrying a pocket knife since middle school. It wasn’t allowed their either, but I learned that if I just kept my mouth shut and used it with appropriate discretion that it wouldn’t be a problem. I have lost track of the number of times my knife set off the screeners at the airport because it is second nature to have it with me.

I think that probably the most insulting part of the process is that when I have had my bag gone through, it is a very high level look. Not every zipper was opened and they didn’t get to the bottom of my bag. The reality is that this isn’t even an allusion of safety. I get hassled, people are having to wait on me all so that if I really wanted bring something like a weapon in, I just have to put it at the bottom of my backpack.

What is there to really learn here? Well, not that much. If you are not a frequent hospital visitor or you haven’t been since before August of last year, you are in for a rude surprise. We don’t really have much of a choice of doctors or hospitals either. Be prepared to lose control of your life in more ways than just your sickness.

End Your Programming Routine: I think that my gripe with the situation is clearly documented. The only thing I can really do is comply and hope that nothing bad happens. I acknowledge that the risk of something happening is very, very small but I sure feel naked without my pocket knife. In some ways, it makes me feel juvenile or even criminal. All in the name of safety.

April 17, 2024 – The Purer Game

April 17, 2024 / / 0 Comments

This is old news by now. But, given the success of the OSU Beavers women’s basketball team I have been watching more women’s college basketball. Honestly, I think that I like it more than men’s basketball.

Photo by USA Today.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not encouraging or looking the other way about bad behavior. I think that basketball players at all levels are the worst. It is no secret that the Trailblazers nickname a few years ago was the ‘Jailblazers’. There are plenty of thugs in football too but I guess what drives me crazy is the selective calling of fouls and violations in basketball. NCAA is much, much better than the NBA but I am finding that I like women’s basketball because it is purer.

I see more teamwork and fundamentals. Maybe it is the differences in the sexes, but I also see less athleticism or may it is ego. Few can dunk or make ridiculous power moves to the basket all the while travelling, fouling and getting fouled. This encourages passing and leverages matchups and strategy. Honestly, I have seen more blocked shots in women’s basketball too.

The Beaver’s well outperformed their expectations, I knew were going to meet their match at some point. They lost all three games to USC (including the Pac-12 tournament) and both games to Stanford. So, when they drew undefeated South Carolina I figured there run would come to an end. And it did. Make no mistake, all of the media hype has been on LSU (the defending champions) and the Iowa Hawkeyes with the record setting guard while USC (So. Car.) just kept winning.

Watching the finals, I knew that the game was over when South Carolina was leading by nine with about two minutes left. The ball was inbound to Caitlin Clark and she took the ball all the way down and attempted a failed shot without anyone else touching that ball. I know that this is counter to what I am generally saying but this is the type of play that is so pervasive in men’s basketball. There is no doubt that she is one of the best players in the game today and there is no doubt that she was a key factor on the team, but instead of playing a winning strategy one player tried to win the game despite the odds.

I also do not doubt that women’s basketball is really the haves and have nots. South Carolina was undefeated until they lost in the final four last year and they were undefeated this entire season. That is one loss in two whole seasons or over seventy games. I think back the the dominance of UConn in the 2010s or Tennessee in the 1990s.

End Your Programming Routine: I used to be a big basketball fan. Now, I can hardly stand it between the ego, sloppy play and unequal rule enforcement. Did you see the score of the last NBA all star game (211-186)? Watching women’s basketball has renewed my interest in the game. Now the season is over, I probably won’t watch much more than the tournament next year, but I enjoyed it.

April 16, 2024 – Have You Considered a Portable Monitor?

April 16, 2024 / / 0 Comments

I have. All the way back to 2010, I had a co-worker that had one. They have been around a long time and the original ones were more like an iPad size. I was amazed at how inexpensive they have become as well when I was looking. They used to cost more than a real monitor. Only recently have I put it more in the want category.

I resisted a second monitor for a long time. Most of my co-workers had second monitors long before me. My logic was that I spent a lot of time on the road 25-50% travel and I didn’t want it to become a necessity. I finally got one in 2013. I think it was because the company was making so much money that the owners decided to re-invest some of it.

I worked for a small company and everything other than what they gave us, we had to justify or buy it ourselves. I have come nearly 180 degrees since that time. I used to feel like I would spend nothing from my own money because it wasn’t necessary. But, today I prefer to own my own equipment and comfort and productivity are worth the money. Not to mention that if I own the stuff, I can use it how I choose, like my work with AltF4.

One day, I showed up at work and voila, I had a new monitor. The owner said ‘Got to protect those eyes from strain’. I said thanks. I also got a new chair that way as well. It really does help as a programmer and those things that go along with the job. I can have the code open on one screen and a document open on another. It can definitely be done without a second monitor, but the process takes probably four times longer.

When I got back into the workforce in 2021 I was a contractor. In that case, I didn’t even have options to requisition additional job hardware so I bought my own. I held off as long as I could but it was just so inefficient flipping back and forth amongst screens that the cost was worth it.

Should you have a travel monitor? That depends. How much mobile work do you do (meaning not having a dedicated space)? How valuable is having a second screen? How small is you laptop? I purchased one a few weeks ago so that I could move from my office to the dining room table while my wife was in bed. Here are some of the things that I learned.

  1. Setting all of that stuff up every day is a pain. It probably takes 5-10 minutes for setup and take down.
  2. It is hard to get comfortable in a confined space. There are extra cords for the monitor and to be effective, the monitor has to be positioned correctly. This interferes with where I want to place and use the mouse.
  3. If you truly are travelling, this adds a lot of weight and bulk. My backpack has room for two laptops. I must warn that it is heavy.
  4. It has been helpful for my work however. I can do all the things I do in my office, just not quite as well.

I think that I am going to come down on the side of ‘I like the idea more than the practice’. It is worth all of the effort for setup if I am going to stay in one spot all day but not moving from place to place. If and when I am travelling for work, I very well may not take it unless I can leave my setup day after day. Travel work is usually more support work and not document writing, having a second screen is less necessary in those cases.

End Your Programming Routine: Should you get a travel monitor? My advice is no unless you absolutely need two monitors to work. It really is not worth the space, time and hassle. Since I am at home, it really isn’t a big deal but I really don’t see myself actually travelling with it.

April 11, 2024 – Ready to Roll

April 11, 2024 / / 0 Comments

Can I tell you, I used to love looking at gear lists on forums for the go bag. They were full of firearms, ammo, dynamite, hatchets, blowtorches, trauma kits and the like. But lets get real here, there is nothing to put us on our knees like discomfort. The other day, I went to go meet my wife at chemotherapy and I was hungry.

A snack is not a meal. I don’t take charcuterie boards as dinner nor am I satiated by fast food. In fact, I stopped for my wife on the way to the doctor’s office to get her a request. I ordered too and after I ate it, I honestly felt sick. The simple carbohydrate bomb of 2/3 of my daily calory limit is sickening after an hour.

The reason I also got fast food was because I intended to eat before I left. However, I was working and I ran out of time before it was absolutely time to leave. I figured, I would gut it out until dinner time but when she requested that I stop, I went ahead and ordered as well. I am also a pragmatist but I wasn’t prepared. This is why I went and got my own snacks.

A constant theme in my life today is that time is not my own. Almost without fail, I sit down to work or do something and then ten minutes later I have to get up and provide care or I have to go to something or from one appointment we unexpectedly have to go to the next. Rather than extra magazines, it would be far better to have some snacks.

Here are some of the lessons I have learned. I am not saying candy bars aren’t delicious, but being fulfilled would nice. Unless you can predict the weather conditions, you need to consider the melt temperature as well. The packaging should be protective or the items should be hard. Nobody wants a bag of chip dust or fruit paste. It should also be shelf stable.

I like jerky or pepperoni/jerky, nuts, granola bars and the like. Unless you want to portion out servings into bags, I would steer clear of glass jars and steel cans. Keep one serving with you and not a week’s worth. The goal is not to live out of your bag but to meet you where you are at. Those items can be replaced when you get home.

Before I went to stock up, I looked at some ideas on the internet to make sure that I have considered the possibilities. To be honest, there is nothing wrong with making your own banana chips, but who has the time right now. There were all kinds of protein balls and the like. A bunch of grapes or fruit full of water doesn’t meet my weight and storage criteria either. Take a banana to eat when you get to the hospital, not to carry around in your bag in case you need to skip a meal.

Spending the night at the hospital when the cafeteria is closed and you have to go through airport security to come back is a drag. It is much better to have things with you because no matter what you decide, that gives you choices. It is also much better to spend twenty minutes working before you leave than twenty minutes after you get back home. No matter how good the plan is, it is better to plan for contingencies.

In addition to the food, I also take a water bottle with me. The nurses have always been very accommodating when it comes to drinks, but never food. It is not because it is punishment or torture but most often in the hospital, diet is restricted and controlled and it is for the patients. I can fill my water bottle any time I like and they will lead me right to the station.

Sleeping in a reclining chair is much better when you are warm, comfortable and your belly isn’t growling. These are the items to have with you rather than a sword or fire starter. Of course, the contents of my bag will change when ‘The Stand’ comes to life but for now, I can’t even get into the hospital with a pocket knife.

End Your Programming Routine: As stated earlier, I don’t like snacks as a meal. It doesn’t beat mashed potatoes and meatloaf or even pizza. But, it is a heck of a lot better than factoring in another stop or even worse, starving. Even though granola bars are not really a balanced and healthy meal, it also beats the sugar in a fast food burger and fries and my body feels better too. These are the real lessons in preparedness.

April 10, 2024 – When Experts Are Not Experts

April 10, 2024 / / 0 Comments

As preparation for being sick, my wife wanted a new bed. She wanted one of those adjustable beds so that she could sit up and watch TV. We went shopping and tried out a number of them and settled on one. The goal was to get it delivered and setup before chemotherapy started.

I have a lot to say about these things after seeing them and using them for a couple nights now. I haven’t fully decided yet whether to cover the whole ins and outs of the adjustable bed. Maybe I will split the difference and talk about some of them.

First of all, they are expensive. I would say 5-10 times what a normal mattress would cost. If you are single, then any size bed could/would work. Queen size beds are single function, meaning the bed actuates as one unit. If you each want separate settings, you are going to have to get a king sized bed.

I am a morning person and not a big TV watcher. I do read in bed a lot of nights and go to sleep when I finish my chapter while my wife continues to watch TV. Consequently, we moved from a queen to a king. That meant that we had to also purchase another bed. Well, anything we could get quickly, was inexpensive and required self assembly.

This bed frame was flimsy. Each rail came in two pieces and the whole thing is engineered as a system. After the main assembly, I decided to put the slats in just for lateral stability. Fortunately, the adjustable beds have their own frames and sit inside of a traditional bed. But it also means that the box spring does not provide any rigidity. Of course, when the deliverers/installers came they said that the slats would not work. I questioned them and they reiterated that it would not work. They sat in the truck while I removed the slats.

I gave them their space. When they were done, we wanted to check out the new bed of course. I started looking at the situation and there was plenty of room to put the slats in. So, I put them back in.

I suspected that there was enough room and that they just did not want them in their way. That being said, their approach was not honest. And this is the point, a lot of people would have struggled to assemble the bed in the first place. After the fact they wouldn’t have checked to see if what was told was the truth. In this case, no big deal other than the sense of trust being slightly violated.

In the bigger picture, I think about places like oil changes and unsuspecting rubes getting told, ‘you need this’. While that is probably the lesser of two evils like changing fluids before they are due. What is probably worse is not doing something that is needed just because the ‘expert’ doesn’t want to do it.

Not every time I want to spend the energy to check and, I am not an expert in everything. The best advice I would give is go with your gut. Sometimes, you get a diagnosis that doesn’t make sense and it is not true and sometimes it is. This is why the colloquial advice is get a second opinion. Of course, I am not going to get a second opinion on setting up an adjustable bed nor am I going to drive my car to another oil change spot. But, if it doesn’t seem right or feel right, it probably is worth investigating.

End Your Programming Routine: Given that I have only slept on the bed a few nights at this point, I am going to reserve judgement. We also had to re-adjust the height and take the bed completely apart after the setup was complete because we determined the initial height was too high. Even if you don’t know the truth, use your senses and make your own assessment.

April 4, 2024 – Never Have I Ever…

April 4, 2024 /

Listen very carefully at the beginning of this video and you will hear the tail end of someone shooting 15 successive shots. As far as I know, no person was found nor was any evidence. The 911 call revealed that several people had also called this in. However, like all recounts of evidence, the story was all over the place.

I happened to be outside when it happened. This is the reason the camera was on in the first place. I was putting some chairs back away in preparation for the weather to change and then all of a sudden, there were 15 rapid shots that sounded like it came from somewhere very close. My first thought was fireworks and I was looking in the sky. But, when no lights followed, my mind was trying to figure out what happened.

It is context. If I was at the rifle range, I wouldn’t have given a second thought about it. I have never heard fifteen successive shots at my home. In the country, you occasionally hear one shot or maybe some erratically spaced groups when some predator or pest shows it’s face at the wrong time.

Before I get completely speculative, no information is really known. Was it someone who just went into their backyard and fired a magazine? This would explain why there was no evidence. I talked to both neighbors next to me and we all thought the shots came from the same general direction.

You, the reader may not realize this but there are some other firsts here too. This is the first time I have ever downloaded a video clip from Ring. This is also the first time I have embedded video directly into WordPress. I think that function may be new because I have always put it to YouTube previously. So, this post was a little more than just ‘hey, I just realized I live in a war zone’.

I am not going to deny that I believe the social and moral fabric is eroding quickly in this town. That being said, I can remember thirty years ago my wife saying ‘that is where the coke dealers live’. I think what has changed is the level of violence and the quickness of escalation. There is more gang activity than ever, there is more police involved shootings and the frequency is getting shorter. Over half of the high school students come from families qualifying for reduced lunch, there is bound to be trouble.

In many ways, I feel like my home location’s greatest weakness is also it’s greatest strength. Because I live on a state highway, there is constant traffic and no legal parking. That keeps trick or treaters away but it also keeps people from stopping or loitering. The side street has seen it’s share of people up to no good, but vigilant neighbors keep an eye on things. It should be mostly empty due to a church taking the majority of the block across the street from me. Anyone stopping is immediately suspicious.

This morning I woke up to the garage door being open all night. Apparently, my son left it open after I locked up for the evening. It really makes me mad because I really try to perform good operational security. But that is only as good as the people in the system. Fortunately, we have never had any sort of theft other than a birdbath in our first year of living here.

End Your Programming Routine: So yes, I am in shock that I heard an entire magazine fired off very close to me. Yes, I do believe that this city is experiencing urban decay and increased violence. But, to put it into perspective it is a fact of life wherever people live, I am not one of those people that believe nothing ever happens, it is just a matter of whether I know about it or not.

March 26, 2024 – Gearing Up For Battle

March 26, 2024 /

I am going to tell you, being a support person to someone going through a life-threatening illness is not the hardest thing. It doesn’t compare in a long way to the person going through the battle. But, it is not easy either. For better or worse, I know a little something about this.

Today, I want to talk about making the support role successful. The obvious priority is for the ill person to focus solely on healing. My first foray into this was in 2010. My kids were two and four. At least life is a little easier in that I don’t need childcare anymore. Here are the basics.

  1. Communicate Proactively- In the US, we have a social benefit of Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA). Your job will be protected up to six months of providing support if you choose to file it. You may not get paid for that time, but you won’t be fired either. I was lucky in that I could work from the hospital and come and go from the office as needed.
  2. Anticipate that you will lose control of the situation. One hour doctor’s visits turn into an all day battery of tests. You are just going to have prioritize your support role over jobs and deliverables. Be prepared for the unexpected.
  3. Simplify- Do whatever you can to simplify your life. Extra curricular activities, hobbies and anything not related to survival will take a back seat. It is OK if you communicate proactively, people will understand. Even things as simple as meals are a victim here. I will talk about some strategies later.
  4. Take advantage of all of those people that said they would help. I rotated help with child care primarily. Yes, I would take my boys with me sometimes, but they got bored after a couple of hours. So, I would take them to the hospital and then drop them off or have someone watch them while I went to the hospital. But, they can also make good companions or drivers or even pet feeders.
  5. Pack a go bag – I lived out of my backpack for several months. I had my work, my entertainment, my hygiene and snacks with me. I could leave one day and come home the next depending on what was going on.
  6. Stash supplies – I kept meals and clothes at the office. This allowed me to come straight from the hospital if I needed to. I didn’t need to worry about stopping or going home.
  7. Keep being a parent- You cant just forget about the kids. They also need attention, maybe even more so than before. You still have conferences and sporting events and their activities. Keeping some normalcy helps them cope with the situation as well.
  8. Support people need a break too- There were some times that I was just worn out. I would call my spouse and check-in and take the night off. This is a very difficult role, especially if it happens abruptly we can’t also add guilt to the list of problems.
  9. Temporarily suspend principles- Things like strict bedtime or drive through windows go a long way in remaining flexible. I rarely eat fast food. I say rarely because it has its place and the place is on the way to the hospital. It is a terrible way to live but when you are exhausted and everything is uncertain, it solves a problem that isn’t needed.
  10. Keep an open mind- The support person needs to be a positive and supportive attitude for the patient. The support person also needs to plan for the future and that future needs to consider the patient not being in it. Do the best you can to focus on the next step but don’t get locked into an outcome until it is clear.

Depending on the illness, an extended hospital stay is less likely. In some ways, it is easier when the patient is in the hospital, but in other ways it is more difficult. These strategies will work in both cases. I would say that I was lucky that hospitals and doctors were only thirty minutes away. Some people are hours away or even plane rides away. Modify these techniques as necessary for your situation.

End Your Programming Routine: It has been twelve years since I have had to go to battle. I am not looking forward to it, but at least I know what to expect and way too much experience. Pray for the doctors, the patient, the family and a positive outcome. If I could impress one thing, be prepared for and embrace the unexpected.

March 20, 2024 – Is Story Telling a Superpower?

March 20, 2024 /

Recently, I was listening to ‘The Art of Manliness’ podcast about how to tell a better story. It was the guest’s position that learning the art of story telling has major benefits. After listening to his perspective, I can certainly buy some of his position. No doubt that you can become a more compelling social person if you have the capability to tell a story on a whim.

I am going to go out on a limb and say that I think I am a decent story teller. In fact, much of what I write and talk about are stories. They stem from something that I observe in the course of my day which then spurs me to offer an opinion or analysis. Most of my podcasts are stories. I was observing that I often take the majority of the time setting up the background only to have the last quarter or so be the punchline. That sounds like a story to me.

I will never be a social person, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t recognize the value of being able to use social skills effectively. I have spoken in the past about my benefit in doing this work and how it has translated in other areas of my life. I have always been a thoughtful communicator, choosing my words and interactions carefully. I have been very bad at impromptu interactions.

I remember this one point in my life where I actually observed a shift in nature. I was at a project site in Denver Colorado. Things were not going well and the client was getting upset and asking me very demanding questions. I had been travelling with several peers for months and they were not present this week. There was a group of new programmers with me, so I was seen as the leader.

Well, the questions were not about my work and I was not expecting this social dynamic. I faltered and one of the other programmers took over. From that moment on, his career skyrocketed. He became the project manager, then the program manager and finally the general manager in the course of three years. It was as if in that moment, I was watching an opportunity slip from my grasp.

That was almost fifteen years ago and I am a different person today. I am much more confident in the unknown and I have a better developed sense of business acumen. I should have been more prepared to understand what my expectations were going to be going into that week and it took that experience for me to learn. I am not upset or bitter about it, I was naïve. That was a story to tell that story telling has value. How about that?

There was one other profound thing that I heard in this podcast and that is a day not remembered is a day lost. The concept is being in the moment and then later reflecting on it as the genesis of finding story worthy moments. It fits into the Earnest Hemmingway quote perfectly “slowly, then rapidly”. The slowly part is all the things that were lost into how this situation happened. It is the not paying attention and then all of the sudden the moment is here.

End Your Programming Routine: I actually do not think that story telling is a superpower. In fact, I found the story at the end of the podcast very egocentric and a bit of a downer on an otherwise novel discussion. It felt forced and contrived. Being able to come up with a story is one skill, relating it to the situation well is another. Another tactic that I have studied in sales is silence. Know when to use it rather than a narcissistic story.

February 13, 2024 – To the Men Out There…

February 13, 2024 /

This is not one of my usual topics. But I am not one dimensional, I believe in whole happiness and not just having the best tools or skills. And relationships are one of those things. Maybe you are one of the lucky ones that has a partner that is in sync with what you want? My experience and observation says that is probably not the case.

This is the last chance to do something for Valentines Day. Trust me, I despise it and usually I am trying to execute plans that should have been set in motion two weeks ago. Restaurants are already full, events are already sold out and you are stuck. Vow to do better next year but we have to do something now.

I keep a list of things I see throughout the year on my phone. The list is just randomized thoughts about gifts or things that she says. This list comes in handy for birthdays anniversaries and Christmas as well. This helps mitigate deer in the headlights ‘gotta do something now’ mentality.

My wife is a romantic and you guessed it, I find it frivolous. As I said in the beginning, I believe in whole happiness and I am not going to be 100% happy if she is not. It has taken a long time and I still do not like it but I have accepted that I need to put out some effort to recognize and spoil my partner with a little extra attention.

If you are a regular flower buyer, then you probably need zero help from me. In fact, I should be taking lessons. But, I do occasionally buy flowers. I don’t do it always nor do I do it a lot because I don’t want it to become something that is also routine. It helps to have a friend that owns a flower shop because I don’t feel as bad about spending the money. One more tip, ordering from a service will work all the way to the last minute but you will get more for the money or a better deal by going directly to the florist.

A minimum is to buy a card. Write a note that expresses some emotion and appreciation. Combine that with a little something, something like a bath salt or message oil and you have a romantic kit or basket. Remember, it is not the price but the thought especially when you are a stick in the mud like me.

I cook all the time, so that is nothing special. Do something that is different than normal. For me, that would be something like a dining experience. I like Korean barbeque where you cook at your table. Fondue would be another option where you are sharing the menu. But it could be all manner of dining experiences like picking your seafood for the dish or hotpot or build your own burger even. It doesn’t have to be expensive just what fits your partner.

There are all kinds of dating shows out there plus the internet for ideas. Depending on what day of the week Valentines is you may or may not need to do much more. But, if there is some sort of entertainment that doesn’t fit into the schedule, you could propose doing all of this on another day. That doesn’t exclude recognizing the 14th as Valentines Day, so I don’t prefer adding more than it already is.

End Your Programming Routine: I have more ideas that I am not going to share for fear that I may get exposed and then have to execute them. My point is that it is important for me to make my partner feel important. To do that, it takes me out of where I am comfortable and want to be but keeps me where I want to be in life. It is not too late to do something, so do it.