Tag: parents

May 5, 2026 – ‘Til You Can’t

May 5, 2026 /

This is the second time this YouTube video has made an appearance on AltF4. If you want to reference the first time see here. Often on Fridays I have caught up with all of my podcasts for the week and I like to crank up some music while I finish off the work day. It often starts off angry with bands like System of the Down, Limp Bizkit, Disturbed, Rage Against the Machine. After I get that all out of my system, I start to mellow out to songs that are much more sentimental.

I keep coming back to this song because I identify so strongly with the issues, it almost hurts. All week long, I have been procrastinating hole filling and touch up paint because I was planning on tackling it on the weekend. I am doing this as a ‘show ready’ mechanism because as we have taken stuff off the walls and packed all the anchors and hangers remained. When everything was on the wall, it looked fine but all the holes and adhesives remained.

On Saturday morning, my Dad called me and said that he had tickets to the OSU baseball game. I declined because I was planning on filling holes and painting and I hadn’t done anything all week. Realistically, I could have spent a couple of hours working and then went to the baseball game. But, then I thought about all the wasted evenings that I had not used and the what if’s about a potential house showing.

It would be one thing if this was the only time I had ever done this. I remember that we drew deer tags in 2019 when I wasn’t working and I thought I was going to go all season, a first for me. But, then we got audited and I felt guilty about spending money when I didn’t have an income and we owed an additional $10,000. So, I didn’t go because I needed to ‘support the audit effort’.

I think about my son’s 1969 Mercury Cougar. It was my idea to buy a car and work on it. But, we couldn’t get on the same plane about how to go about it. I wanted to spend Saturdays and he wanted to start work at 10PM, my bedtime. I wanted him to put together a plan about how he would like to go about it and he wanted to just take parts off. So, I have hardly helped him a lick.

There is definitely an advantage to being a planner. It has served me well in a lot of the aspects in my life. But, like all personalities it is not all good. It ruins the spontaneity of things. Part of why I coasted all the evenings was that I have taken to sitting down with my wife after dinner. She watches whatever and I read or scroll through the news and blogs that I follow. I read somewhere that couples that are together regardless of whether they are doing the same activities have stronger relationships.

Make no mistake I could probably work from wakeup to bedtime. I always have things the I want to do or need to do. Even the other night I was dozing off to sleep and I was thinking, I should get that pork roast out of the freezer before I fall asleep but I was too tired to move. Guess what didn’t happen? Dinner preparation for the next night and then I was scrambling like crazy to get it all ready in a reasonable hour.

Periodically, my wife reminds me that I have a 100 year old, living Grandmother. Then she uses the the guilt trip on me on how she would love to have living grandparents still. And then, every couple of times I make arrangements to take her out to dinner and spend time with her.

Maybe you are thinking that I am douche or something but this is the way that it was supposed to be. Her end of life plan was to spend her last years at an assisted living facility. Not necessarily to be ignored, but because she is going to handle things the way that she feels is best. For the record, I don’t think that I am completely ignoring her but I will admit that I could do a better job at scheduling time.

I can’t tell you the huge disparity between what my family expects and what my wife’s does. For instance, when my sister in law got married 30 years ago, my in-laws actually went to the hotel to check on them while they were on the their honeymoon. Talk about boundary issues. That is just one example of many times where I couldn’t condone family closeness.

End Your Programming Routine: I know that we don’t live forever. That day is coming for my Grandmother and my Father sooner than I wish to think about. I also know that I could do better and living in the moment. I don’t really know how to and it is a struggle everyday. So, I listen to this song over and over to remind myself that sometimes I need to skip the paining and go to the baseball game.

October 3, 2022 – From Dependable to Dependant

October 3, 2022 /

This is a tough one. Once again I get personal on dealing with an aging parent that refuses to accept reality. This has cause a lot of hurt and anger and talking about this is one of my therapy techniques. I guess that I would say that podcasts are a better forum to get more personal, maybe this is not what you want? Well, it makes me feel better anyway. If you don’t like this line of content, then please suggest some other topics.

End Your Programming Routine: Maybe I should have studied philosophy instead of chemistry. I have come to appreciate the discipline of logic and reason when it comes to the these complicated and controversial topics. I don’t really appreciate being in the middle of it, but I hope that my insight today gives you comfort in your difficult situations. You are not alone.

October 1, 2021 – It is Opening Weekend of Deer Season and I am Going Fishing

October 1, 2021 /

Let’s hope that caps the week of food with more food. When I was a kid, I was so excited for opening weekend of deer season. When I was a teenager, I used to dream of when I was older, I could spend more time in the woods. Now that I am here, I hope to get out once in the season. This isn’t going to be the weekend for hunting but I will spend some time with my family fishing.

I talked about this a few weeks ago when I was talking about the decline of the outdoorsman. While my dad didn’t spend months straight in the woods, we did split hunting and fishing about equally. He always has owned a boat and we would go out at least once a year. He would take a fishing trip with his friends usually around Father’s Day. We used to go salmon fishing as kids. So, I like fishing too.

Since my dad has retired, we have been applying for draw tags in eastern Oregon. We get them about every three years. Since we won last year, this year we didn’t and decided to go fishing instead. I have applied every year for the last ten years. But I have only gone one time even though we have gotten tags three times. We did get his rifle sighted in last Friday however.

When I left my job in South Carolina, I moved back to Oregon and joined the company that my dad had worked his entire career. I remember talking with my uncle and he said “That’s great. Now you can have lunch together every day.” I remember feeling a little guilty that I barely saw him, let alone had lunch. And to some degree, I carry some of that guilt today. We live about twenty minutes apart and yet it will frequently be months in-between talking.

I do believe that the quote “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” applies here. But I can’t help and think that there isn’t something slightly wrong with me. If I get truly personal, I am overwhelmed by the size and volume of my wife’s family and when I am not in that I want my personal space.

The events over the last six weeks have definitely had an impact on me. I have seen my parents aging, I have seen the slight decline in physical ability and I know that the horizon is in view. It definitely has gotten me thinking about trying to spend more quality time while I have the chance to do it and I need to be more aware of the signs of decline.

My brother, dad and uncle left yesterday. Me being a single parent right now, I couldn’t swing the time off, I was hoping to leave tonight. but my kids have to play pep band at the football game tonight. So, we will have to settle for Saturday and Sunday. We didn’t do any family camping this year and I have never gone with my kids and without my wife but I am really looking forward to it.

End Your Programming Routine: I don’t really care if we catch any fish although I think it is likely we will. The weather is supposed to be pleasant and I have a good time with that crew. The point of this is to spend some time together doing something we enjoy. It is looking like next weekend is out, but I am still going to get some time in the woods this season before it ends.