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July 5, 2023 – Is the Tank Empty?

July 5, 2023 /

Yes and No. I am clearly late today and that is because yesterday was a full-contact holiday and we had to run our former exchange student to the airport this morning. Also true is that I don’t have anything constructive to say at the moment. I saw the cliff coming last Friday and was hoping that I would come up with some magic over the weekend. Then on Monday, I knew I didn’t even have a topic identified but was hoping I could dredge something over the holiday. Hence, I am writing about having nothing to say.

By the end of this week we will have our German exchange student. Next week, I am off to business travel for another week. If I don’t have ideas (with pictures) in the queue, it makes it difficult for me to keep up with. That is where I am at.

Does this mean that I am quitting? Not exactly. But what it does mean is that I cannot sustain daily posting along with maintaining my familial obligations, work commitments and projects that need to get done in this short season. This is especially true when I have to travel.

I haven’t fully decided if I just need to scale back for a period of time or just try to do what I can. At the very least, I am going to finish out Lord of the Flies which will take that series into mid-August. I have finished the book and I have begun working on getting the remaining chapters published. I would like to continue doing podcasts as well. This is assuming that I have topics and show outlines developed.

I haven’t talked a lot about this but podcasts take probably four times as long to produce. I need to get better at speaking to a thinner outline, but usually this takes at least an hour. I always listen to the podcast after I record it. I write notes on Castbox and Altf4.co. Right now, an hour takes 4-6 hours for me whereas a typical blog post is 1-1.5 hours. That being said, I would like to keep doing the podcasts more than writing.

Something I have talked about before, sometimes quitting is necessary. We need to quit things that are not working so that we can retool into things that do. We all have a limited time and there is only so many things we can do in that time. Ideally this is what I would like to do with this site; make changes to this site so that it can become what I want it to be.

I love this endeavor. Why else would I do it daily for years on end for no compensation? I have proved the things that I initially set out to do. I have enough technical capability to do this and I have enough discipline to keep doing it. Those were my two objectives starting with Floricane and then moving to AltF4.co. I have failed at my marketing and monetizing portions of it which were supposed to be the next steps. So while I like doing the content and willing to do it for free, I cant afford to prioritize it over other things that need to get done at this time.

As of this moment, no promises. I can’t say what exactly what I will do other than reserve the right to do what I want and have to do. I think this is enough for today. I thank you for taking the time to read and hope this makes sense.

July 4, 2023 – Happy Fourth of July

July 4, 2023 /

I am taking the day off today. You should too.

I want to believe in the ideals of this country. I wish it were what it promised. Despite that, enjoy your family and friends and forget about it. There is nothing like living life that puts all of the politics and disappointment aside. That’s what I am going to do.

Happy Birthday America.

July 3, 2023 – What YOU Do Matters

July 3, 2023 /

As I promised in the podcast, this will be the last 1990s triggered theme. It took me a while to develop this because I wanted what I was feeling to be relevant other people and not just me. I think that I found a way to make my story relatable and motivational. At least I think so.

End Your Programming Routine: We certainly have grand ideas about legacy; even I do. I attempt to do things that really matter. That being said, let’s not get caught up in things outside of our circle of control. Even if the only thing that we do is transfer a life skill to our children, then we have accomplished something significant. Sniping in a chat group is not so do things that matters.

June 30, 2023 – Lord of the Flies, Chapter 7

June 30, 2023 /

By now, I have actually finished the book. I had a lot of seat time on the plane and with such a short book that I was able to go back and re-read things so that I could understand the colloquial vocabulary. Of course, each week we will continue to peel this onion one layer at a time, but I think completing it helps give me perspective on where things are going a little better.

Ralph and Jack get close by working together to find the beast. As the get closer in proximity of tasks and they find that they share many traits. They also find that they are looking for weaknesses. They start to get competitive on their braveness and that leads to the next event.

There is one scene (I guess that it is a scene or a part) of the chapter that the boys are dancing and getting carried away. Jack suggests instead of killing a pig that they kill one of the little people. Ralph smiles and laughs but later feels the pity and regret of the participation.

This reminds me of things that I have done that I regret as well. For instance, I have admitted that I tried marijuana a couple of times in college. I wouldn’t say that it was peer pressure that made me do it. No one goaded me or chastised me, it was me saying that I am one of you. However, after it was all said and done I regretted it (at the time).

I don’t know how many people have ever gone through the police application. One of the questions was ‘have you ever tried illegal drugs?’. As well as an application, there is also an extensive background check with interviews. So while I only did it a couple of times, who knows what others would say. Does doing something illegal disqualify you? Is it better to be honest on the application, even if it is illegal? It is better to not be in this position in the first place. And that was my real regret.

If I were sitting in a chair now and listening to this story, I would say “Of course, this all makes sense. Someone who wants to pursue and education for a career in law enforcement and spends all of their time with stoners is going to get corrupted and ultimately regret it.” I would also say “after almost thirty years since this occurred, how do you feel about it now?” I am pretty sure I would answer “I guess this was god’s plan”.

Thanks for joining in my inner dialog. I have stated that I value experience over intelligence now that I have some. The nearly 50 year old me says hey it wasn’t a big deal. Every choice has consequences and it is not clear what those are at the time that you are making them. The reason I didn’t pick it up was the value position of a good time was outweighed by the risks of continued marijuana use.

Truth be told, that experience solidified my position for other drug use. I remember one time a couple of my friends took some LSD, they offered and I declined. I have never tried it nor do I ever plan on it. But they said, if you are going to hang out with us you need to be here when we start otherwise stay away. There is something about altered reality that I really don’t want to find out about. Again, if I would not have experienced regret from marijuana who knows what would happen.

By no means am I making a value judgement. These are just kids having fun. As I advanced out of college, those experiences changed my outlook. I would characterize that as it is best to not be around things like that and that may mean people that do that. At least in part, it makes my limited social circle a pretty tight ring to expand. Of course, you have to look how your relationships are based. If it is based on questionable activities, there is a significant chance that a some point, something is going to get escalated at some point.

End Your Programming Routine: There is a lot of ‘analysis’ about the book. The general direction of opinion is that this scene is an increased savagery of the boys, including the more pure Ralph. I get the sense that the pundits are looking for the story to justify their premise. But again, more on that in the future. For a normal person, getting carried away and regretting it is part of being a normal human. Only sociopaths wouldn’t feel that way.

June 29, 2023 – New Rules in Baseball?

June 29, 2023 /

I used to love baseball as a kid. I used to play it, watch it and listen on the radio. I was never good and so I quit before high school because I couldn’t make the ‘A’ team as a youth. I still like it, but I just don’t have the time to dedicate to it. If I could listen to it on the radio and do something else, that would be my ultimate. Maybe when I will retire, I will be one of those that catch every game while I sit on the porch.

I have been following the College World Series. As you know, I am a Oregon State Beaver fan and at least in this sport they are a perennially a good team that makes it into the playoffs most years. The Beavers were a good team, but I knew that they were not the best. They got beat in conference tournament before the finals. This is never a good thing because you want to end the season hot. Actually, in the regionals they lost to LSU (the future 2023 champion) so I don’t feel too bad.

When I was in Minneapolis last week, we had a team outing to the Minnesota Twins. I was excited because this was the first major league game I had been to since 1980. My dad spent some time in Milwaukee on a project and we went with him. So, to date my first and only MLB game was with the Brewers who instantly became my favorite team.

Incidentally, 1982 was the last year they went to the World Series. They have only made the playoffs six times and lost in the first round each time. Not a lot to get really exited about. Nevertheless, I was ready to enjoy this game.

Since I lost ultimate touch with baseball, I forgot that the Twins used to play in a dome. I was reading and in fact it actually closed in 2013, ten years ago! I thought that this stadium was new, but really it is not.

I was always kind of Twins fan. I rooted for them when they played the Cardinals and Braves in the World Series (1987,1991). I guess I have always been a American League guy since my dad was a Yankees fan and the AL Central has been a powerhouse of good baseball in recent history. Since I have been following it, Minnesota, Cleveland, Detroit and Kansas City (formerly the Brewers as well) have all made multiple World Series appearances.

The first pitch was at 6:40pm. The game went pretty quickly with a 20 second pitch clock between pitches. I didn’t notice the exact time but by 8:45pm we were headed to the tenth inning. I could hardly believe that the game went so fast. The clock I knew about but I had not seen it in action. I think it made a difference in the speed of the game.

When we got to the tenth inning, I saw something odd. A runner started on second base. I looked it up and it is called a ghost runner. This is an attempt to put a runner in scoring position and speed up the end of the game. This really isn’t much different than what college football is doing. It is not sudden death if the visiting team scores but it is when the home team does first.

As it turns out, the Twins held the tenth and scored on a sacrifice and won the game. This is the way that you always want to end a pop in experience. It was fun, quick and my team won. Despite traffic, we still got back to the hotel by 10:30pm. I would call it a good night.

Before our kids were born, we had more time but less money. We considered buying season tickets to the Salem Volcanos. This was a San Francisco Giants Single A club. For those couple of years, we caught a couple of games a season. Nevertheless, we saw some good teams. For two years, they dominated the league with the likes of Buster Posey and Tim Lincecum. Fast forward a few years and this was team that was crushing the World Series.

The league collapsed in the Covid years and I am sad about that. They ended up replacing the team with a non-affiliated, four team league (all based out of the same stadium). In comparison to the glory years, these teams look like they could be beat by higher caliber high school teams. It is not really what you would want to watch in a semi-professional environment.

End Your Programming Routine: Now that experience is over, I will resume ignoring baseball until the fall comes. I wish that I could follow it more closely but I won’t prioritize sports over important things. I feel a little sad because I think that people used to really enjoy baseball. I know that I did. I guess the silver lining is that there are a lot of games so it is not impossible to catch one.

June 28, 2023 – Happy 25th Anniversary to Us

June 28, 2023 /

In 1998, it was hard to imagine what 25 years in the future would look like. Did I have an inkling of all the hills and valleys in the journey? I mean, everyone has their own versions of perspective. My struggles are just molehills compared to others while my celebrations may seem pedantic. Today I am blessed to celebrate my 25 year wedding anniversary.

I picked this song as one of the descriptions of our courting and early marriage. I always thought that it was a perfect story for her, but I didn’t quite get the mirror that I was holding up. She is such a passionate person that I could feel the hurt and blessing that not following paths would lead. But you know that when looking at something in the mirror, it is always the opposite of what you are seeing in the glass.

Early in the Bible, in fact Genesis 2 says: “23And the man said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for out of man she was taken.” 24For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. “

Last year was my ‘come to Jesus moment’, literally. I don’t just believe in parts of the bible, but the whole thing. Exodus 20:12 says “Honor your father and mother.” How can I obey the Lord’s commandments but side with my wife? I am referencing the whole familial struggle of my mother-in-law dying and having to kick her out of my property last summer. That is not honor.

When it comes right down to things, I always thought that there would be me and us. We can be our own individuals for part of the day and then come together daily (or whatever the frequency). Maybe I am dense but that is how I saw my happy ever after. As long as I deferred things I wanted to do to prioritize us or made time each day, then I would be good. I still didn’t take in the one flesh part of the equation.

The other thing that I really struggle with is the situation where I think it is fine but the other person does not. That plays to my advantage in many cases. It allows me to pursue what I consider the proper course of actions in business or morality. That being said, it doesn’t come without consequences. And those consequences are strong when we are trying to act as one flesh. What happens when I believe one way as an individual but another as a married partner?

You know what? Prayer is the answer. I prayed hard about how to handle supporting my wife by severing the relationship with my mother-in-law. I wanted to do it badly, but I didn’t want to intentionally break a commandment. I think that the answer is really the first part of verse 24. “…Man will leave his father and mother…”. It is not the act of leaving to jump from one situation to the next but that they will actually transform into one by commitment to each other. God told me that I needed to support my wife.

Clearly, I still struggle with my individualism. It is not something that changes overnight. Left to my own devices, I could be very happy with me and us. But, I am not living in my bubble. To my wife’s credit, she is the one that is the fighter. I would say that she starts most of the fights, but she also finishes them.

In a short 25 years, she has battled exotic, fatal diseases, built a respected career and mostly raised two boys and severely impacted the lives of others raising kids that are not ours. Through all of it there was love. What right do I have to want to be myself? And more so than that, what right do I have to not be one with a god driven person? The answer is none.

Since I am not am clearly not a romantic, I want to say that I appreciate and value the things that I am not. While I don’t want to be a romantic, my wife does. We are Yin and Yang which makes many things extremely difficult. Even simple decisions like what to make for dinner can sometimes be painful. I have learned that each one of these encounters are a way to practice being one. I am often not successful or good at it, but I get to try again.

Marriage is hard and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It is not hard as in physically hard or even mentally hard. It is hard because to be serious and godly you have to give up the person that you thought you were in that transformation to be one. It is a huge leap of faith to leave behind what you know is right to go in a direction that you are tentative at best.

At such a young age, you can tolerate anything for a number of years, like school. I am not trying to get existential but forever is forever. When the calendar moves past ten years, the realization that those little things aren’t going to change and they start to move from annoying to resentment. It takes work to change those things. Both with your partner and yourself. That is hard. That is ending your programming.

I know that is sounds like I am mostly glass half full here. Despite that, I am trying to convey that this is a two way street and I use half of it. So while I have talked about the challenges, there were many a good time. We actually do pretty well together when it is just us on a getaway or us against the world.

End Your Programming Routine: In the song, Garth prays for one thing but got another because God knows what we need even if we do not. I got a free spirited, social and empathetic person because those are all the things I am not. I also got a loving, forgiving and patient person. Guess what… not those either. We will all have to wait until the end of our song but “I guess God knows what he is doing afterall”.

June 27, 2023 – Lessons From the Strawberry Field

June 27, 2023 /

While I can’t totally relate, we recently watched a movie called ‘Flaming Hot’. It is the story of how a child of a migrant family wound up working for Frito Lay and created a billion dollar industry. While my story is what I see my kids getting from the experience as well as what I learned, there are some common bonds between that story and mine.

End Your Programming Routine: Because I saw the movie after I recorded, I made no reference in my podcast. But, if you are looking for further information or justification to have your kids do this work, give the movie a shot. Some people might claim that they learned the lessons by halfheartedly trying. They might say that they learned that it was hard work and so they can appreciate it. I say, you don’t learn the value of labor to wage without working the season at least.

June 26, 2023 – Technical Issues Resolved, For Now

June 26, 2023 /

It is late, late, late. I actually had my podcast recorded, but I didn’t have time to do the editing and posting. So, podcast for tomorrow.

This is on the technical side, but supposedly my SSL auto renews every 60 days. I think what I have figured out is that it renews but it requires me to manually install it. I keep getting blindsided by my SSL certificate expiring and when I go in to check, there are multiple copies being held.

This is what you get with a ‘free’ SSL certificate. While it works, it does require monitoring and maintenance. I am going to try and monitor this period to see if my theory is correct and hopefully, I will proactively deal with this rather than it happen on my first day of a business trip.

June 23, 2023 – Lord of the Flies, Chapter 6

June 23, 2023 /

While on the plane, I got some quality time to actually read. Unfortunately, my reading light was broken so I had to give up once it got dark. But I needed rest too. I only slept about four hours on Sunday for all the things I needed to do before my trip. As short as the book is, the wording is a little odd and foreign at the same time. I find myself rereading many sentences over so that I can attempt to understand what is going on.

The main thing that happened is that some sort of aerial battle occurred over the island and subsequently a dead parachutist landed near the signal fire and Sam and Eric’s watch. They happened to see it as the wind blew the parachute causing the body to flop up and down. With all of the hysteria over the beast, it was deemed that this was it.

Of course, all the kids expected the beast to be alive and moving. So, they decided to go hunt for it. This took them to parts of the island that had not been explored and knowing what we know about the soldier, of course they didn’t find the beast. Finally, they decided to go back to the mountain where they did spot the beast. This caused them abandon the mountain as it has become inhabited.

There is something about hysteria or paranoia that tricks the brain into thinking that something is not what it really is. With that, I’d like to to consider both sides of the political dichotomy. For instance in recent news, President Biden’s son has pled guilty to tax evasion. Of course he is actually guilty of a drug addict possessing a firearm which is a felony. We know this because he took pictures of himself while treatment was goin on. But, despite getting a sweetheart deal of becoming a millionaire for ‘consulting’ and a crackhead at the same time, he apparently didn’t pay taxes based on this income.

All this being said, former President Tump is being charged with possessing Classified documents. You probably don’t remember that after Clinton left office, his aid literally left with documents stuffed in clothing. Of course, that didn’t go without punishment, but it did go without a lot of scrutiny.

My point with both of these examples is that both sides think that this is proof positive that the other side is the absolute downside of the country. What I am trying to say is that both sides are so paranoid of the other that they are willing to believe almost anything that supports their bias. To be clear, neither of these references are absolving either side, nor are they supporting a side. But rather my point is it doesn’t matter if you believe either they are both wrong. I am saying that if you spend your time in delusion you are bound to be wrong,

I have been guilty of this myself. I have been guilty of saying that facts are the ultimate purveyor of truth. Well that is wrong. The facts are the the facts but the truth is not a product of the facts. The truth is that both Hunter Biden and Donald Trump are sleaze balls and that both will do or say anything that make themselves look better. People that follow either side are subject to the paranoia of the beast.

If you believe in the beast, they you are willing to accept that any fact supports your bias of existence and nothing can change that. For that reason, I am a proponent of staying outside of the belief of bias unless of course you are a believer of the beast. By no means do I want to discourage conviction. On the other hand, believe in the circle of concern/control. In the Circle of Control neither of these examples ar exchanged by involvement nor belief.

End Your Programming Routine: When allegations are proven wrong, they are not facts. It is also true that when facts are true the narrative is not necessarily the truth. The problem is that that bias drives media to allege that information are truth. Consider the source. Consider that what you see is not the full picture. In that vein, the parachutist id not through beast.

June 22, 2023 – Is It Really Worth It?

June 22, 2023 /

In today’s world, the cost of ammunition is astronomical compared to three years ago. I have mentioned this before, but I like to pick-up shell casings that people leave behind. Shell casings or brass is one of the four components of reloading and happens to be the single most expensive one.

The downside of range brass is that you really don’t know what you are getting. I have discovered that military brass has a primer crimp that removing adds an extra step. Imported ammunition also tends to have some variation as well. In this find, I have had at least three different casings that I have managed to pull the rim off of the shell holder causing a lot of extra work.

Once the case is stuck in the die, get ready because it is not coming out without some work. Step one is disassemble as much of the die as you can. Good luck because the parts are not separating without force. Then I have to drill out the base for a threaded tap. I tap a hole for a bolt. The bolt goes in against a stack of nuts and washers to eventually pull the stuck casing.

Even once the casing is out, there are still parts possibly stuck in the casing or the die. I have to split the casing to get those parts out or drive a punch through to get remaining parts out.

So much for free. I bent two decapping pins on trying to remove primers. Those are ten dollars a piece. You add all the extra effort for brass prep and it really seams like it is not worth the time and cost.

There may come a day when I do make that decision that it is not worth it. I am hoping that with enough experience that I can feel that something is going to happen before it actually does. Or maybe some day I will recognize headstamps that are more problematic than others. At this point, I recognize some of the ones that are working better and that is a start.

Fortunately, this is only a problem with one rifle caliber that I reload. Most hunting brass is shot on the rifle range and that is much tidier than the private bays of mostly pistol distances. Straight walled pistol cartridges are not a problem but the calibers that I shoot are no where near as common at this time.

End Your Programming Routine: I find reloading a really zen experience. It is part of the reason why I pick-up range brass because I hope that I can get enough to do another batch. That being said, I don’t like damaging or breaking parts and it certainly doesn’t help the bottom line argument. I will power through this batch and get better.