Page 106 of 137

August 23, 2021 – Moving at a Snail’s Pace

August 23, 2021 /

This is going to be quick, I hope. Part of my haste is that I have been separated from my computer while I am trying to reconfigure my office. I have worked in it about a week and have already decided to make some changes. I suppose that it is a good thing that I only partially moved in anyway.

First problem, I didn’t like the transition between the carpet and the hard floor. It took some lifting effort to get my chair on a different surface. It seems to roll fine when I am on the carpet, so I want to move the carpet completely under the desk.

That leads me to my second problem. I didn’t like my chair completely in front of the door. It was fine and I could get out, but also see problem one. I needed to tear everything down so I could move the carpet from under the door and other furniture in my office.

The third problem is a little more difficult problem but it relates to problem two as well. I have discovered that with the door closed, the temperature starts to climb up into the eighties. I guess that I got the insulation right, but it means that I crack the door periodically to get a little cooling. For the long term test, we will see what winter temperatures feel like. For now, it is very manageable.

Knowing that I wanted to make these changes has kept me from fully moving in. Not to say that I have had a lot of extra time as I had to work all weekend as well as being a ‘single’ parent.

Not everything is a problem. I have enjoyed having my stereo receiver in the room with quality speakers and good sound playing while I am working all day long. I like the dedicated space and having what I need where I need it. I was able to setup two monitors and use a dedicated keyboard which is really nice. I am looking forward to my final vision of surround sound and adding a couch just for fun.

One month at a time, I plan on adding Thunderbolt 3 docking stations for my two primary work laptops. Then I can add a KVM switch and I can then do all the wire management and clean up all the wires that that are strung all over the place.

End Your Programming Routine: There is no substitution for experience. I am not saying that I foresaw these issues, I just plain wasn’t able to anticipate the problems. Now that I have the foundations set, I am able to finally start moving everything in. Overall first impressions is that I am really happy.

August 20, 2021 – 1984 3:3

August 21, 2021 /

So we are to another Friday; at least this one is a little less dramatic than the last. And we are through another chapter in 1984, I think that there are four more to go. I might even combine a couple short ones, we will see.

In this chapter we see more of the torture process with Winston and are revealed some of the slogans and their meanings, at least to Obrien. I am going to surmise that the purpose of this chapter is for Orwell to explain his intent to using these these slogans throughout the book.

Early on in the chapter one of the first lines are the three stages to the process Winston is undergoing. They are learning, understanding and accepting. The last chapter was about learning and this one will be accepting.

The use of power: I think by far and away that this is the ‘how’ of all of this world that Orwell has conceived. There are so many intersecting ideas with slogans and quotes to re-enforce the idea that power is the most important mechanisms to perpetuate the party. Here are a couple to support what I am saying.

  • The party seeks power for its own sake
  • Power is inflicting pain and humiliation
  • Power is not a means but an end

What more can you say about this? It seems obvious that any regime is going to exert power to propagate its values. I don’t have any doubts that China uses power when it deems necessary. The State of Oregon is going to exert power over businesses to enforce the new mask mandates, as they stated so.

I have heard it another way and that is power is force. Winston states that he believes in humanity and that they will somehow eventually overthrow the Party. The only card that really hasn’t been addressed in this entire 1984 scenario is that absolute exertion of power can never be exercised otherwise it will likely fail. The counterpart to power is compliance. Either appropriate force must be exerted for compliance or there will be no one left to have power over or the system itself will become corrupt and fail within.

I think the idea that all the high party members are complete and exact ideologues is extremely unlikely. But, this is a story after all. Once we extrapolate the concepts and overlay them into our own world today, we can still get a lot of good insight into human nature.

Ideas are eternal: Orwell makes a point to that highlight humanity’s ultimate finiteness. We finally hear the definition of ‘Slavery is Freedom’ and that is to say that by keeping everyone working for the party (slavery) the idea will live on forever (freedom).

I think the enlightened reader might have a problem with how this concept is play out. We can all agree that the human body has a limited lifespan. We also can agree that ideas and concepts can be useful way beyond our lifespan. I am proclaiming to have the same beliefs as people over 2000 years ago with names Peter, Paul, Luke, Matthew and John.

Where we balk is the value of those beliefs. First of all, mine are personal not enforced on an entire civilization. But, second what if I am wrong? What would it hurt to try and live a better life, be better to fellow humans and strive for a cleaner existence? What am I really missing, the opportunity to prove survival of the fittest?

So while I 100% agree with Orwell’s portrayal of the concepts, I am not solidly in the camp that this is just a foreboding tale of the future, more to come on this as I wrap of the book.

End Your Programming Routine: What I got out of this chapter is more supporting information for my conclusion (so sorry you will have to wait). I think that is going to be exiting to come all the way back around to the beginning and look at where I am at now versus where I was when I started. I think that it is going to reveal a lot about me and how I think and I hope that I can do this series justice. I guess that we will see.

August 19, 2021 – Sad, Short and Sweet

August 19, 2021 /

Today is going to be short. I have already spent a bunch of time working on an obituary which has cut into this time. Happier times are on the horizon though. I have a range schedule booked for tomorrow afternoon.

When I was charged with writing the obituary, I was getting some of the other details of the service and what was going to happen. My wife told me that she was going to ask our pastor to perform the service. I thought back to different services and how they were administered and something struck me.

I have grown up in a family of faithful people on both sides. My maternal grandfather was highly catholic. Unfortunately, grandpa developed dementia and the last two or three years he was in assisted living. When it came time for his service, it was performed by a non-denominational reverend. I am pretty sure that my grandfather would consider that against his Catholic faith. I know that I heard it enough from him that I was following the wrong path and that there was only one true denomination.

Most of my ‘greats’ were also regular church goers but when it came time to have a funeral service, they were performed by someone that really had no connection. I suppose that we age to the point where we lose connection to our former life be it that we can’t physically make the service or move out of necessity. Maybe when we lose the connection, others may not have an idea of where to start?

What I am trying to say is that is saddens me that a funeral service is performed by someone that has never met. I am sure that it is God’s work and that there is probably a formula for it with reverence but it would seem a little dishonest in the end. Nothing against our pastor, I love him and I think he is genuine. If this was my service, then much more appropriate.

End Your Programming Routine: I don’t make a lot of distinction between denomination and faith. In the end, I don’t think that it matters. My in-laws had a church that they occasionally attended. It was large enough and they were infrequent enough that they didn’t really have a connection and here we are. There is no real lesson here, I am just writing what is on my mind today.

August 18, 2021 – The Struggle is Over, a Root Cause Analysis

August 18, 2021 /

When I stubbed out (titled) this post August 6, I had no way of knowing that I was days away from spending a lot of time talking about life changing events. In fact, I was having a hard time coming up with topics that I wanted to discuss at all that week. Today I thought a little about trying to wind the two stories together and make some cute correlation to my failed garden attempt and life’s struggles. In the end, I decided to keep to the subject matter of my failings rather than go higher level.

Dosen’t everyone want to present their best face on the internet and not talk about their failures? Even I resist the urge to bring it up sometimes but I think it is also real. We all have things that we knew that we could do better even when you were in the midst of failing. To be one hundred percent transparent, not everything failed just the majority of things.

In my career at least I am big on lesson’s learned and root cause analysis. If we study our issues we can then implement changes to at least try and prevent the failures from occurring in the first place. How do you actually do that? I will try to outline the rough procedure below.

What Happened? I started seeds in late February with the intent of getting them in the ground in late April / early May. I had plans to build garden beds in the front yard since I tore them up in the back yard last year. I didn’t end up planting the seedlings in the ground until early July.

Why? My career options changed and with it so did my personal priorities. I needed a conditioned space to work as I was freezing all day long. So I stopped focusing on plants and focused on building my office with my free time.

Why? Lacking any sort of plan, I assessed what spaces I had and determined that I could plant in the flower beds in early May. As I was working the bed, I contracted Covid. Not that I couldn’t physically continue but I took it easier for two weeks and lost momentum. In that same time frame, I had a discussion with my wife about what I was doing and she didn’t agree with how I was proceeding.

Why? She wanted me to build raised beds in the flower beds which I didn’t have the materials to do so nor did I want to spend the time away from my office project. Because there was some doubt as to whether we would need to move, we were hesitant to make some unconventional changes to the yard as well.

Root Cause: I didn’t have a plan in place to plant my seedlings in an appropriate time frame. I planted them too late and they didn’t survive.

Corrective Action: To avoid this in the future, I need to have a project plan on where the milestones are clearly defined. Where are the beds going to be? When do they need to be completed in time to plant? How will the beds be constructed?

End Your Programming Routine: I knew that the chances were low that this would be successful. Given that I had already put energy into starting seeds and keeping them alive, I thought that it was at least worth testing their chances. It wasn’t as if I was ignoring them in the ground, I kept it wet and checked on them daily. The sun was just too intense and the plants were not able to withstand the heat all day.

August 17, 2021 – A Time of Transition

August 17, 2021 /

Change can be difficult, especially if it has been going a particular way for a long time. I have a lot of changes going on in my life at the moment. One of the biggest one is my office space. This is the first day working in the space.

I received my desk yesterday and got it assembled. But there are new components going into my setup and not everything has made it into the space yet. So, I am half in and half out with everything spread everywhere.

I knew that if I started moving then I would need to keep at it. I still have to work while I am fiddling around with all this stuff. So, last night I got to the point where I could at least be productive during the work day. I will have to tear everything apart and reconfigure a couple of times I assume.

Plus, as of yesterday, I only imagined how it would work. I think that there is going to be some trial and error on how my desk is setup and positioning of everything. I can already see some of the consequences of my decisions but I will save that for another day.

Another transition that has already occurred is that I finished my shed roofing. I can check that off of my list of things to do. That means that I need to start moving into my next project which is cleaning up and organizing the basement and garage.

This is something that I want done, but don’t really want to do it. It is going to involve dump runs, Goodwill, Habitat for Humanity and a lot of decisions. When doing this kind of thing, it is helpful when doing this kind of activity to sequence it properly. For example, going to the dump is last because there are items that Habitat will not accept. I am dragging my feet because it is a big job to tackle.

We have transitioned out of Quarantine. We all got Negative test results last weekend so we are no longer home bound. Unfortunately, we are transitioning into another mask mandate. Honestly, I never believed that this freedom would last. I think that this state has really transitioned into a pseudo Marxist government. What does that actually mean? It means that the government is making decisions for what they think is best and the people are not allowed to proceed as they see fit.

I think by now everyone knows that we are transitioning as a family. I don’t want to say too much more at the moment other than the circumstances are difficult. Not only are we coping with grief but also trying to do it in a manner where part of those most affected are unable to join us.

There is a sociological theory called the ‘Four Turnings‘. The concept goes that there are four types of generations that repeat on a cycle. I’ll try to explain briefly but it might be helpful to read the article (see link above) yourself.

HighHigh societal cohesion, calm from previous strife Baby Boomers
AwakeningLow institutional faith, personal exploration Generation X
UnravellingInstitutions are weak, individuals are strong Millennials
Crisis/HeroEra of destructionWWII generation

If you follow the theory, we are somewhere between the Unravelling and the Crisis stage as a society. It should also be said that it is not quite enough to just be born into a particular era but you need to be able to do something about it. So nearly all of the World War II people are now gone and we haven’t quite had enough of the Generation Y/Z or whatever we are naming it ascend to a place of relevancy yet.

End Your Programming Routine: Be on the lookout for the next crisis event. It very well may be on the horizon or even already has happened. As I am moving through projects and life events, the world is still moving too. You have to get your head up from time to time so that these transitions don’t occur without your knowledge.

August 16, 2021 – The Little Pastel Book

August 16, 2021 /

Last Friday I passed a milestone. I have a journal that I have been writing in for fourteen years. It is something that I do periodically often weekly, occasionally there were 6 month gaps like last summer when I was busy sun up to sun down. I guess what it has become is kind of a log of what I have done and what I am planning to do with some thoughts and feeling mixed in.

If we go back in the time machine and put myself where I was fourteen years ago, my second son had yet to be born. I was working three jobs ago and I wasn’t happy then either (see a theme here). This was the pre-podcast era for me as well so I was listening to talk radio on AM and I was reading several books on the Dave Ramsey reading list. You can see my references to Dan Miller’s “40 Days to the Work you Love”.

I was going to use this journal to document my thoughts about what I was reading, develop my goals and work on progress as it relates to those goals. This is sort of how it devolved into documenting my work over the years. I will say that it has sometimes been useful. I have been able to figure out when I did the last oil change or a general time frame of events.

One interesting use that I had was to look back on trends. 6-16-14. As predicted, not much has changed. I did move wood out of the garage last weekend. That means that things are pretty much prepped to finish the garage re-org. Vacation was pretty awesome and did the trick of relaxing the mind. I need to do an oil change on the pick-up within the the next few weekends. Serious travel is about to begin and summer will be over. It is a bit disappointing and I am seriously reconsidering my career choice.

When I was in the diminishing days of my last job, I was reading what I wrote through the years. I realized that my first mention of job unhappiness was in 2012. I started wondering why I was still working somewhere seven years later where I was still unhappy and that is what ultimately made me pull the trigger on putting in my notice. I figured it was just as insane to quit without a plan as it was to continue to work in misery.

Most things that I write are not really private, but they are personal. I have noted births, deaths, projects and statuses in story form. In some ways, this blog is a continuation or expansion of that. My last entry in this book was going to summarize my journey over the last fourteen years. That was of course interrupted with the passing of my father-in-law so I needed to get that documented instead.

My son gave me a new journal for Christmas so I am about to get started in this one. I don’t think that I will do anything differently. I will probably keep doing it the way that it has been going. I suppose it is another form of therapy for me. I don’t really plan on what I am going to say, I just say things about where I am at at the moment.

End Your Programming Routine: I am not saying that this is for everyone. I think that it helps me keep perspective on life and a record of what I have done. It is part of that self reflection kind of time that I spend. Once I have sorted out where I am at, I can make plans to move forward.

August 13, 2021 – 1984 3:2

August 13, 2021 /

I am going to try my best not to make this a grief or Covid blog. I still have a lot more to say on the two subjects. However, some things we have to keep in perspective. And that is it is Friday. We have 1984 to get to.

This chapter is about Winston’s experience in captivity. You could say that it is torture. We don’t exactly know what the end goal is yet. According to Obrien, it is rehabilitation. Future chapters will reveal more.

I am having a bit of an supernatural experience lately. I guess that because of all that is going on. Maybe it is some sort of hypersensitivity or mind tricks or maybe it is real. Let me try to describe more. On August 11, for some reason I woke up at 3:30AM. I was worried that I was late for something but of course I wasn’t so I went back to sleep. Then at 4AM, I got the call from my wife. I don’t know for sure but I kind of think that was the moment that Frank passed. Then I get these moments that I am just not myself but those are stories for later.

I get the feeling that Winston is going through a similar process. Winston is questioning his reality. In his case, Obrien is trying to convince him of the complete dominance of Big Brother. He makes a statement ‘Who controls the past controls the future, Who controls the present controls the past.’ Obrien is trying to gain absolute obedience from Winston by using torture. Winston is fighting the reality of the situation. It is not clearly explained, but somehow Obrien knows all of Winston’s thoughts and actions that were seemingly private.

Reality is What We Make of It– I have said to myself this statement many times but I don’t always listen. In this context and using the example from the book 2 + 2 = 3 or 2 + 2 = 5 or it could be 2 + 2 = 4. What I am saying here is that absolute truth does not really matter. If we are going to be happy in this world, we have to accept that sometimes reality is whatever it is regardless to rather it makes sense or not. This is a very difficult thing for me to accept because I believe in right and wrong. And when wrong is right I don’t know how to apply my other assessment or coping strategies.

Using a simple example, take fashion. I think that it is silly and misguided but here is a 2 + 2 = 5 scenario. Two years ago, some garments from the early 1990’s would have been shunned. Now, I see rather frequently two colored pant legs or other such articles of clothing that came straight out of that era. Fine enough, maybe the person wasn’t around during the trend and they think that it is new. It is the ‘industry’ and media that declared yesterday 2 + 2 = 3 and now 2 + 2 = 5. It was the same with turtlenecks in the 80s or bell bottoms in the early 2000s.

I personally have an aversion to that kind of thought. It makes me want to go the other way deliberately or even cause conflict to try and justify right and wrong. You might say that this is part of what this forum is. I know that too much stewing is counterproductive and I have to fight the urge frequently.

End Your Programming Routine: I am mentally exhausted at this point. I had to have meetings starting at 4AM this morning and after the week I had I am not really motivated to do much more. My reality is that I need to take a break. Hopefully, it will be a nice weekend.

August 12, 2021 – Teens and Grief

August 12, 2021 /

Today I am going to be an expert on something that I have no business claiming. To make things doubly worse, this is the area that my wife excels in and she is in Texas. Just like most things in my life, we are here now so lets see what we can do.

It was 4AM, when my wife called. As you would expect, I was asleep. It took me a couple of seconds to process that Frank had died. You would hope that in these situations, the person on the phone would provide some level of comfort and assurance (that would be me giving it). Again, another thing that I am not good at. In my defense, I was half asleep and shocked as well as being not my strong suit.

Being the ‘do everything now’ person that she is, she wanted to me to wake up the boys and give them the message immediately. Which I did. The hour between 4-5AM was kind of a blur. There was silence, then praying, then my kids went in two different directions. One claimed that Grandpa would want a party and so we should celebrate and the other shut down and started crying.

Olivia called again around 5AM and we all talked together for a couple of minutes. After the call, I suggested to the boys that I make breakfast since we were all up. My thought was trying to keep us all together so no one gets too low. Surprisingly, they both wanted to go back to bed. I kind of wandered around trying to figure out what my next steps should be.

While they were sleeping, I hatched a plan that we were going to get out of the house together. Unfortunately because we are in quarantine our options are extremely limited but we could drive and we could be outside. My goals were to keep us together and provide an opportunity to grieve and share and open up away from electronic distractions

My first thought was to go to the beach since it was going to be over 100 degrees here. When I posed the idea to my son, he said that we should go to Bend (east and not west to the beach). I started thinking and I also wanted to go that direction. I had yet to see what the results of the wildfires last year.

Post Labor day weekend last year, millions of Oregonians experienced the wildfires. For several thousand (in this area of the state), their lives were shattered. Kind of like ours were yesterday. We saw a town that used to exist and 75% was roads, slabs and foundations. On the positive side clean-up was ongoing and new buildings were in various stages of completion.

I think that this is a good story to make a corollary. Grieving is a process. The acute event is bad but we have to know that the damage is slowly repaired over time by taking deliberate steps. I can’t just take one day off and everyone will feel better and be OK. I was around 20 when my Grandfather died. I still thought about him for years afterward. He never saw me graduate college or get married or see his great grandchild for whom he was named.

We ended the day in Central Oregon, explored some caves and made a list of new things that we wanted to do when we came back. We stopped and looked at things I always wanted to do but never seemed to have the time. We listened to music that we thought represented Frank or that we knew he liked. By the time it was dark, everything was a little bit better.

End Your Programming Routine: This was a win for me. I started the day not knowing how to relate to each child in the way that was best for them. By the time that it was over, I think that we all felt that we took a step in the right direction. We all feel remorse that we didn’t have a chance to say goodbye or one last thing. God willing, he hears us now.

August 11, 2021 – Frank Ojeda Jr

August 11, 2021 /

There is no uncertainty in my mind about what I am going to write about today. That is my father-in-law, Frank Ojeda Jr. He died last night as a result of pneumonia. No politics or strong opinions today, just a eulogy. Most people probably wouldn’t care to hear stories about someone that they don’t know but I think that there can be some lessons.

We have so many pictures, I am sure that we will be digging through them in the coming weeks, these were some of the first ones I found.

  • ?

How does one go about writing about someone when they pass on? I used to be the kind of person that wanted to grieve silently. Now I am the kind of person that likes to share how I felt. I guess that helps me justify my emotions in the first place. I guess I will begin at the end and then jump around from there.

For nearly as long as I have known Frank, health has been a background theme. I think that he was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes about the time my wife and I graduated college twenty four years ago. Six years ago, Frank received a kidney from his sister Gloria. That all was going fine but in some ways, I feel like we have been on borrowed time with him.

He had a big heart. Being in a family of twelve kids, family was the primary activity in life. He was the first person people would call if they wanted or needed something, be it a favor or money. I am not kidding that this family is so large that we have a difficult time getting together because we need a venue for the size of a wedding. The in-laws side is nearly as large as well.

Then, he had his own kids and grandkids. Frank liked to do as most grandparents do and create chaos for their parents. One time he drove six hours with my son to buy a go cart. I didn’t even know that was happening until I got home from work. And, the go-cart is still sitting in my driveway. He was always there with a job for them to do or a fundraiser.

After the kids were out of the house, Frank got big into umpiring softball. Sometimes we would go to softball games and watch two teams that we had no affiliation with just to see him umpire a game. There were several father’s days where that was the case for sure. Unfortunately, he was unable to continue that passion as he lost some sight due to complications with diabetes. These were mostly high school girls teams, but he could command a presence dealing with unruly fans and coaches.

I’ll tell you that Frank could tell some stories. He was always able to come up with campfire/bedtime/ghost stories at the drop of a hat. A lot of the time he claimed that they were real. I am not saying they weren’t but I don’t think I have led a life that is half as exciting. Here a couple headlines Evading a Tornado, Softball Game Ends in Team Fistfight, Followed Home by a Cow at Night and Hitchhiking to California as a Teenager.

Frank shared something special with my son Elijah. They both had birthdays on July 26. For 15 years, he has been getting the short end of our birthday parties as they have tended to be focused on Elijah. We just came out of birthday week, but for the longest time it was July 24-28 for four generations of birthdays at one setting.

When my wife and I first met, she described him as the kind of guy that ex-boyfriends would come over to talk to. Trying to put myself in that position, I don’t know if I would quite go that far but kind and empathetic would be good descriptors.

He liked cars, food, 60s-80s music, naps, TV, sports and most of all being around family. I learned a lot from Frank not so much on the hard skills side, but the soft side. I won’t say that everything was good or worked but I could see some of the techniques he used and go from there.

End Your Programming Routine: My sadness today is really for my wife and kids. There is that don’t tell mom and dad bond I know I had with my grandparents. And for my wife, he was the peacemaker and patriarch of the larger family. I am going to miss a role model for giving and compassion which are areas that are difficult for me. We have a bit of a road ahead.

August 10, 2021 – Covid Strikes Again

August 10, 2021 /

Despite my opinion of how people and media are reacting to Covid, it doesn’t mean that I am a jerk. I found out today that my son and I were exposed to Covid over the weekend. I have been very open about my experience and I am not worried about it in the least. That being said, I don’t want to potentially expose other people until I can confirm I am safe.

That means that we are again in quarantine, at least until we get a negative confirmation. In some ways, this is going to be a good thing. We have some family health issues that called my wife out of state today for an undetermined length of time, likely at least until the end of August. My very own Father in Law is currently in the hospital as a result of pneumonia from Covid.

I am playing both roles (mom and dad) and there are a lot of activities still on the calendar before school starts. I was already planning on spending an hour and a half a day running my son back and forth for his summer job. So, this quarantine will at least help us get our footing as just us boys are home for a few weeks.

It will also help me focus on getting my roofing done. I think that I am a couple hours (4-6) hours from getting all of the shingling done. The downside is that the forecast is predicted to be in the hundreds again. If you know anything about roofing, you know that there is a sweet spot for temperature. You want warm enough for the shingles to be pliable and adhere together but when it gets too warm they start to tear easily and it gets really hot on the roof.

End Your Programming Routine: I may become erratic in the next couple of weeks. I am working around my normal work schedule and all the running around that I usually split with my wife. In addition, I am managing a high workload already plus I have a family vacation scheduled in a couple of weeks.