I will not have much to say tomorrow. In fact, it is only a post wishing you Happy Thanksgiving. I don’t think that it is right to not acknowledge the things that happened over the last year. Part of humility needs say thanks to the good things in life. I want to do that today.

  1. Adults that mentor and volunteer their time. I have so many examples of this year. It is humbling that others would take interest in my kids and provide a leg up. Mr. Moore the middle school teacher who stepped in as the adult for this year’s Chess In the Park. Mr. Mosier who worked with my son to achieve his Life Scout rank (currently the highest in the troop) so that he would be in good position to obtain Eagle rank when he gets back from Taiwan next year. The many Rotarians to make exchange possible for my kids this year. Ms. Graham that donated airfare funds to allow my son’s FBLA trip to Atlanta this year. The list goes on to teachers and counselors and doctors.
  2. It has been quite a year on the career front. My former co-workers were so kind when I announced that I was leaving my job in August. I got emails and thanks and even job offers. It is nice to know that integrity and honesty is valued and recognized even if I had to leave to hear it. I have really tried hard to deliver my opinion more tactfully even when I thought that things were going in the wrong direction. Truth is not always welcome, how it is delivered matters. I hope that I am making strides to improve that.
  3. Parenting has been really hard on my marital relationship. I do mean really hard. Other that our agreement on the expected outcome, nothing is smooth or easy. We don’t agree on our approaches and I certainly don’t agree that I should have to defend my actions when I have the best intent. That never give up attitude is a double edged sword and my wife doesn’t give up on us either. I am thankful that she keeps fighting for us because I don’t know that I would.
  4. I am thankful that people cared enough for us to help pull off my re-proposal. My niece Jasmine was the mastermind and to be honest, without her it probably wouldn’t have happened. She coordinated with my nephew on how to spring the event and worked with a designer on making the moment special. A romantic deficient could have never pulled off such a special moment alone.
  5. I was listening to a podcast recently that was titled “Learn to Love Where you Live”. Talk about first world problems… With all the chaos in Gaza and so many other parts of the world, how can it possibly matter whether we have a local Starbucks? For all of the things I wish were different, I am thankful for relative stability and prosperity compared to what it could be.
  6. I don’t want to sound cliche but I am thankful for redemption and salvation. It takes the pressure off of guilt. As long as I continue to do my part in trying and asking for forgiveness, life should take care of itself. There is nothing more to worry about when eternity is handled.

That completes my list for the year but I have one more thing to say. As I write this, my maternal grandmother is dying. I don’t really feel much about it to be honest. It is a complicated situation. Not so much for me but for her.

My grandparents divorced in the late 1960s. The kids were nearly grown. My uncle graduated, my mom and sister were in high school and the youngest was in grade school. My grandfather was a devout Catholic and it took 40 years before he forgave himself for the divorce, it crushed him. But, my grandmother was a lesbian.

Because of the era, it drove her into seclusion and isolation. We have always had a cordial and pleasant relationship but it has always been at arms length. I suspect that she has carried shame and regret her whole life. In this modern era, her and her partner haven’t married. As far as I remember they have ‘separate’ bedrooms and I don’t even want to go any farther.

My grandmother worked for the school district at least long enough to get a retirement. Her partner worked for the US Forest Service. They have been retired almost as long as I can remember. Certainly, I was living as a ward of my parents when they moved three hours away. That made routine visits extremely infrequent. I think that they lived at the Oregon Coast for twenty years before moving closer. By that point, we (the kids) had moved on in life. We have a grandmother that we rarely see and don’t know.

My grandfather wanted to know us. This is why he paid us to spend time with him ‘working’. I wouldn’t trade that time for anything because it had such an influence, it made me who I am. My grandmother I suspect struggled with her own regret and demons. She has stories, no doubt about it. I know from my mom that there is some mystery and intrigue. She is a Gamble a generation removed from Proctor & Gamble but I don’t know the schism.

This relates to being thankful because I am thankful that people can be more accepted for who they are. Her partner was never married and has always been exceptionally nice. I wish that my grandmother had embraced who she was and who she is. She might have led herself astray trying to be ‘normal’, but that isn’t a reason to never have a relationship. Honestly, I hope this is peace.

End Your Programming Routine: Thankfulness is a habit that I should practice more frequently. The antithesis of thankfulness is pride. Pride sparks fear which prevents us from being more open. Fear keeps us from developing and fostering relationships and puts us at distance from people that we care about. I see that and identify with it, don’t be me. I am who I am; I am also a product of biology and experience. Let us learn from this and strive to do better.