Category: Philosophy

April 27, 2023 – Don’t Be Afraid to Ask

April 27, 2023 /

As a follow on to last week, I have been doing a reloading series using up all of my stored brass to make room for the actual components that I want to store and need to reload in the future like primers, bullets and powder. Also in this time of scarcity, then beggars cant be choosers so I have started to utilize websites to filter what might be in stock at certain stores.

What I have been doing is looking at a powder and filtering what is in stock. There were three Alliant rifle powders that said “On-Sale” for $19.99. I thought, what a deal, other brands were running $35-45 a pound. I thought to myself that I am going to get my limit of 1lb based on the price (this is partially why there is actually powder on the shelf).

When I arrived at the store, I went to the reloading section, found the powder shelf and it was there. But when I looked at the price, it was $50.99. There was no indicator of sale either. So, I grabbed it and went around looking for some help. The gun counter was swamped as usual and nobody was in sight. After about five minutes of standing around, I decided to just go to the register.

When I got to the register, I said to the cashier “before I buy this, I just want to verify that the price.” I explained what I saw online and what was on the shelf. They looked it up and called a manager. The manager said that they were going to honor the web price but that their cost was $30/lb. So, I was buying it at less than they were paying for it. If it weren’t for the 1 lb. limit, I would have been tempted to buy some more.

Somebody messed something up. My guess is that this was one of these changes that were applied programmatically and somebody didn’t check the output. Like I said, this price was applies on all powders of a certain brand. They went and pulled all the powders off the shelf right after my transaction. This event probably caused a somebody a long day with tech support.

Components are still hard to find. I only bought this powder because of the price. It actually was not my first choice. But, my first choice is not on the shelves. This will work. Actually, I did more research after buying it and have discovered that published loads are for the longer/heavier target bullets. So, while I got a deal on the powder, I am going to end up paying double for the bullets to use with it.

That’s OK because I am still in the experimental phase. To date, I haven’t shot more than a single, popular bullet weight. I have no idea if my rifle will be accurate, so this will be another data point using these target bullets. The price we pay for science…

End Your Programming Routine: When I saw the price, I didn’t believe that it was true. In fact, it really wasn’t. But because I suspected something was wrong and questioned it, I came out on the right side of the deal. I was prepared to put the powder back on the shelf but I didn’t end up having to, because I asked. If in the situation, you should too.

April 25, 2023 – Where’s the Bunny?

April 25, 2023 /

This probably won’t play well. I say that because even though I took the picture, I have a hard time seeing the rabbit in the picture and I know it is there. Regardless, I have no problem making stuff up on the fly.

Back when life was good (just kidding), I drove my Mustang through a National Wildlife Refuge twice a day. Once on my way to work and once on my way home. This was a significant asset to me because it was nearly mid-way and it was really the only bathroom via outhouse after you leave the freeway and town. Driving that everyday, sometimes I would stop on the way home, because I could.

It was 2018 that the gates were closed and they remained closed until a few months ago. In the meantime, they tore down the outhouse and built an interpretive center. I don’t know what the hold-up on opening was, but I think Covid was part of it. I don’t commute every day but I still periodically drove by wondering what this fancy new structure looked like inside and what was actually there.

In the last year, we have become weekend babysitters. I wont get into the details now, but someone needs help and we can provide help. Sometimes, I end up having to be solo babysitter and I need things to do. I am not great at this and it does sometimes crimp my life on the things that I want to do.

I was babysitter this weekend and so I decided to take an excursion to the wildlife refuge. When I said wildlife refuge, I think the child thought that we were going to see animals everywhere. Of course, I knew better but how can you convince them when the mind is made up. There is a short little 1/2 mile path that we walked. It was pretty barren but I did see a rabbit in the bushes. So, we took a picture of it. Did you see it?

Listening to podcasts about children and the outdoors, you don’t want to push too hard. Fishing turns into a walk to the water and 15 minutes of pole time. Hunting turns into snacks and coloring. You have to think of this as an investment, it is going to take a while to yield some returns, especially with a five year old.

When we were around that age, we couldn’t wait to go out with dad. It was such an adventure. But, he could only handle one of us at once. When my brother got home he would regale me with tales of the woods and I would do the same on my weekends. It was a long day for a young child and I am sure that we didn’t add much to the experience for my day but it was those moments that made me who I am today.

My biggest fear is not seeing nothing but seeing nothing consistently. I want to gently lead a young child into this new world without making it a chore or a dread. Who knows… maybe this will lead to nothing, but maybe it will lead to a love of the outdoors. So, we will keep trying new a different things. I want to be entertained too.

End Your Programming Routine: Because it is spring, my mind really starts shifting to getting on the water and getting a few fishing outings in. I also end up being a sort of father figure to this child. So, it is the perfect opportunity to do both. I have to be prepared to fish for thirty minutes but it beats watching TV all day. That I cant do.

April 20, 2023 – Reviewing Decisions

April 20, 2023 /

This is a tribute to the old ‘Tacticool’ Thursday with a new way of looking at things. I was thinking about some decisions I made years ago and how that actually faired through my testing of it. I don’t want to be too obtuse, so let’s just get into it.

When I got into reloading was about the time I started thinking heavily about preparedness. It also happened to coincide with the last big run up on firearms and ammunition. The decisions that I made during that period probably didn’t fair as well through this period and I am going to talk about what and why I have changed my thinking.

It occurred to me as I started writing that I probably need to stop trying to name generic periods of ammunition surplus versus shortage. It feels like it is more el nino versus la nina. It seems to be a cycle where we are more in drought than we are in normal years. For context and clarity, I will use specific years in my following assessment.

When Obama was elected in 2008 there was a run on firearms and ammunition. That lasted until late 2010 and then things were in surplus until Sandy Hook occurred in 2012. That period lasted until Trump was elected and then there was surplus from 2017 to the pandemic emergence in April 2020.

We are still in this cycle of disruption. For instance, certain calibers like 9mm are highly prevalent and affordable on the store shelves. But then there are other calibers such as .357 magnum that I have not seen in the store since 2020. It was for that reason that I wanted to start reloading. If I can’t buy it, I can make it.

My dad is a reloader so I have been saving cartridge cases my whole life. So, while I didn’t have the reloading equipment, I had all of my brass all the way from when I was a youth and knew that someday I would start doing it. I purchased my first set of equipment in 2012 so I started watching the component market. In every drought, primers are the first reloading component to disappear.

I decided to make sure that I had primers in surplus. In previous droughts, gun powder and bullets were available. As it turns out in this current shortage, primers are still absent on store shelves, some bullets are available and powder is very hit and miss. What this means is that while I can probably assemble some kind of formula that will go bang, it is highly likely that I cannot put together the exact components that I want.

In addition to this I also decided that I wanted to have some new brass in storage. This is the portion of the decision that I wonder the most about. Reloading is by it’s definition loading brass that has been fired. So, if I have fired it once, I should have most of it to reload. During my recent batch of range trips I made some brass (by shooting at targets) but didn’t have or couldn’t get powder and bullets.

What is the lesson here? I am not talking about specifically ammunition here. I am talking about holistic decisions. If I don’t have the components to load the entire cartridge then I really have nothing. In addition to that, I have stuff taking up space that I really don’t need and stuff I need that I don’t have.

Yesterday, I talked about having three drills. In fact, I have well more than three drills but I have three drills that are essentially the same. I don’t even really want three drills but I hope to save them and give them away to someone that might appreciate it. If we are hanging on to stuff for a potential purpose, I can understand. But, if we are hanging on to stuff because of a false premise, that is wrong.

Another false premise I had to change in the last five years were my college textbooks. I went to school in the emergence of the internet. Books were the only resource that we had and so I saved my subject specific textbooks in Chemistry. Five years ago, I realized that I haven’t been a chemist in 15 years but I still couldn’t part with them. My sunk cost fallacy was that was thousands of dollars worth of books that still had value. My problem was that there was no market value for them. Ultimately, I ended up dumping them in the recycling bin.

I can truthfully say that I hadn’t looked at the textbooks in 20 years and I haven’t even missed them in the five years since. Ten years ago, I went through purging of music, books and movies it was the same thing. I think sometimes we like the idea of having things more than actually using them. I have a whole box of miscellaneous cables that need to go, you get the point.

At least in America, I think that we are all used to having more than we need, including space. It is easier to give up space than to deal with our emotions and true need. I am sure that it is human nature to optimize the activities that are in our interest zone. I am simply encouraging you to evaluate stuff and the whole process for a happier and healthier future.

End Your Programming Routine: Just like Animal Farm, my story here is an allegory on an error made on a false premise. If I want to retire I need a plan, if I want to become a doctor I need a plan, if I want to shoot in an ammunition blackout, I need a plan. I am guilty of holding off on decisions many times, I live it. I also know that there is no one else to blame but myself for that habit. If and when you make a plan, you need to stop and evaluate whether you are on the right path or not.

March 1, 2023 – Formaldehyde Christianity

March 1, 2023 /

As with anything personal and a situation involves more than myself, I don’t think that it is appropriate to go deep into the details. It’s not that I am scared to reveal some deep, dark secrets, but it is a matter of respect and decency for all parties involved. I certainly wouldn’t appreciate it if someone wrote publicly about my perceived issues.

That being said, my wife and I are trying to do a weekly, Christian based bible study. As strange as this sounds, it has led to a lot of intense conflict. If I try to summarize it, I suppose that an exuberance to implement new changes or techniques. This is difficult for me and could be construed as abrasive and confrontational as well as feeling of inadequacy. Both sides have feelings about what is, what could be and how to approach that.

The main passage for the week is Ephesians 5: 31-33 (NIV).

31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

The premises of the week are

  1. Marriage is God’s gift for me
  2. My spouse is not my enemy
  3. I must renew my commitment to the permanency of marriage
  4. The purpose of marriage is to glorify God

Due to the week we have had, I have some doubts that I need to resolve. How can every marriage be a gift from God? Is it really only marriages rooted in faith or truly all of them? I think that we have all known people that married for the wrong reasons. And if so, how do you reconcile the word of God versus reality?

This is my problem with the church at large. They are great a highlighting these things we should do and preaching about how to conduct ourselves in the situation but they never reconcile the real tough issues. As and example, when is turning the cheek or loving your neighbor to all extremes really putting up with abuse? It is those kinds of inflection points that I never get out of sermons.

Maybe I am just a bad follower and I should always put my faith in God. But, then I think about those extreme ‘faith healer’ type stories and I just have to believe that proper faith requires us to action, not just pray that ‘God will fix it’. You see what I mean?

I woke up early on Sunday, 3AM. My first thought was that it was really raining and I had unplugged the sump pump because we had significant freezing weather. That always causes the remaining water in the drain pipe to freeze and then when the pump comes on it deadheads, often blowing the flex connection and spraying water everywhere. Once I was up, I knew that I needed to deal with my issues through faith and internally. I did what I am often doing on the weekends, head out to the shop. This time, there was no TV or radio or podcasts. It was my woodworking and myself, thinking and praying.

Some would say that to have a clear and proper prayer time, it needs to be quiet and focused. I always find myself at least pacing when there are heavy things to resolve. I find for myself some menial, physical activity is best. I wasn’t operating machinery or anything but chopping and chiseling (for hours). I don’t know if I got it all out, but it was time to come in and shower for my son’s birthday party.

I actually didn’t think about the fact that it was Sunday and I turned on the radio. The AM station I have it tuned to plays six or so hours of different sermons and one was on. I knew immediately that God was answering my prayer. The sermon was on how doubt, properly researched to the end actually builds faith using the story of Doubting Thomas and the resurrection of Christ.

John 20: 27-29 (NIV)

27 Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.” 28 Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!” 29 Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

I didn’t note the pastor speaking because I am a casual Sunday listener, but I listened intently to the whole half an hour. Formaldehyde Christianity is the result of growing up in the church and being around faith your whole life without really being tested. It is faith that is always there preserved but not alive. Not doubting and not questioning leads us to blind faith which is probably just as dangerous as zealous faith.

It was very clear that the message for me is that I need to keep asking questions and working on my faith and my marriage. I also have no doubt that God was telling me that he heard me and that sermon at that moment was for me to feel good that it is OK to pursue the answers. But, I think that he was also telling me that I need to trust the process, not to get hung up in grammar or syntax.

End Your Programming Routine: Ultimately, I didn’t resolve my fundamental question but the truth is, it doesn’t matter. I now know re-reading what I wrote and re-reading what the course said that I missed the two words “for me” in the in the first premise. It doesn’t matter whether the dogma is accurate or said another way, all marriages are a gift from God; mine should be treated as such because this is the gift for me. Regardless of whether I perceive some injustice, I also need to own that I am not perfect here either. Because I was erroneously hung up on premise 1, I failed 2-4 this week when we were struggling to effectively communicate. Thanks God for the reminder of humility and ultimately I owe my spouse an apology.

February 2, 2023 – Happy Groundhog’s Day

February 2, 2023 /

I had a co-worker that loved this day for some unknown reason. He would play this movie on loop and bring in donuts. Maybe it is because some years, we were reliving the same day as the last day. One year specifically, I was in the middle of a huge snowstorm. I had been on-site the entire month of January and I was going to be there the whole month of February. Things were not going well and we did the only thing we could do, just keep going.

Believe it or not, I have never watched this movie. I have seen clips on YouTube and I have seen the loop but I have never sat down and watched it beginning to end. Supposedly, the protagonist lives his day over and over again until he gets everything right; I guess according to the universe. Maybe today is the day?

Of course, I am not a big believer of the whole Puxatawny Phil concept. It would be impossible to have the same weather in Pennsylvania as I have a whole country away. That being said, tradition is a good thing, nonsensical or not. The good news is that Spring is on the way weather we like it or not.

I look at February as a transitionary month. We sometimes get 60 degrees and sunny. We sometimes get snow storms. But what I really look at is the light level. By the end of the month, we will see it getting dark around 6pm or after the traditional end of the workday. To me, this ends the dark to work and dark when leaving days. I suppose that if I lived in Alaska, I would say the end of ‘Dark Winter’. There is a dramatic difference in the light levels from the beginning of the month to the end of the month.

Of course, I am going to spend half the month away from home. I will miss my son’s birthday and Valentines Day once again. Not only will there be hell to pay for that, this new debt that I owe but also this is the prime time to get some stuff done around the house. For instance, President’s Day is the target for getting roses pruned. And speaking of pruning, there are fruit trees, grapes, etc that need to get done before bud. This is another sign of transition.

In my climate I will likely see three more months at least of rainfall and mostly sub-sixty degree temperatures whether Phil saw his shadow or not. That doesn’t mean that there won’t be some good days too. The same as with the concept of the movie. It seems like I am living the same day over and over again, but then there are some days that are downright pleasant.

End Your Programming Routine: Like Yin and Yang, winter and summer are separate but interconnected. It is not a duality like described in Atlas Shrugged but a duality like light and dark or fire and water. Our downtime is quickly slipping away as the light is coming and then it is time to hit the ground running again.

January 19, 2023 – Humor, a Deep Cut

January 19, 2023 /

Today is one of those days I am just writing and we will see where we end. If you are like me, then you probably remember the campy 1980s movies with titles like Caddyshack, Airplane, Police Academy, Vacation and the list goes on. Given my age, this was a very impressionable time in my life (5-15). I don’t know what the specific trigger was, but I have been very influenced by comedy.

It wasn’t just movies but also TV and print. We weren’t generally not allowed to stay up and watch Saturday Night Live or the late shows but for when we might be over at a friend’s house. I remember checking out Garfield compilations in grade school at the library. A daily read was the comic section in the newspaper.

It was a great day when I could get my hands on a Mad magazine. My mom was really kind of against them because they were crass but we had a handful of them anyway, usually purchased at the used book store. Funny story, one of them had a parody lyrics of Bruce Springsteen’s song called ‘Porn in the USA’. My brother and I would yell it out at the top of our lungs when we heard the actual song. It was only about ten years ago when I was thinking about that moment that I actually realized what I was saying. I am kind of shocked that my mom never said anything when we were doing it.

Later as I went into my middle school years, my interest in humor got more dark following the Mad magazine vein. I started to make sure that daily newspaper reading got political cartoons as well. In fact, the used book store we occasionally frequented had a free monthly that compiled political cartoons throughout the country that I liked to read. I started skipping all the strips that never made me laugh. But there were a handful that I liked such as BC, Calvin and Hobbes and and especially The Far Side.

This is actually what triggered me to write about humor. I was a huge fan of The Far Side. I still have the Best Of’s volume 1-3. Unfortunately for me, Larson decided that he had reached his pinnacle in 1994 and it was over. Incidentally, 1995 was also the last year of Calvin and Hobbes syndication so it was kind of a difficult time in my humor journey. That’s OK because I was in college, so TV took over.

We had very strict TV limits when we were kids. It was a handful of approved shows until we got into middle school. That means that we watched the most popular shows but that was it. I remember some of my parents friends persuaded them to allow us to watch The Cosby Show. What stuck out for me was actually a show called Night Court. Sure, Cosby was cutesy but Night Court made me laugh. I found myself re-watching episodes when I was not working in 2019. I wrote about this show in 2020. Ironically, there is a reboot of Night Court coming to NBC very soon.

There were three other sitcoms that I consider brilliant. That was Seinfeld, That 70’s Show and The Office (the Steve Carrell years although I have given the later years a chance recently and found them better than I remember). There were other shows that I found entertaining but never planned my evening around like The Simpsons (and all of their spin-offs), Southpark and the ‘adult cartoons’.

I would say that we are in the post TV era at this point. I don’t really watch TV anymore and my wife watches them via streaming platforms. My kids don’t watch TV at all. I am talking like the over the air, nightly line-up like we did growing up. But there was a couple of years that I had an XM Serious subscription. Most of the time, the station was tuned to Raw Dog Comedy.

I would say that my early 30s were the genre of stand up comedy. Raw Dog is the unfiltered station and pretty much anything goes. You know that I love Norm MacDonald and of course, I loved the big acts. But I found some others that really clicked with me like Todd Berry and David Cross. It takes me back to those days of listening to Eddy Murphy on cassette. That was some good stuff.

From the mid thirties onward, it was podcasts over everything else. I do like the ones that make me laugh as much as the serious ones, like Adam Carolla shows. I would say today, I spend my time primarily serious entertainment like reading books. But, my wife bought me this Far Side Calendar for Christmas. So, I have a daily dose of an old friend when I turn on the lights in the middle of the night. It brings me back to a simpler time.

End Your Programming Routine: I guess where we ended up was me rambling about all the content that I liked. I suppose this a window into my soul. I believe that humor is important in health and happiness, not just for entertainment. I have just been letting Todd Berry autoplay while I write this, I am having a hard time finishing because I am laughing so hard. I am going to sign off so I can keep listening.

December 15, 2022 – A Bench Story

December 15, 2022 /

Unless you are a coastal steelhead fisherman, the time to tie flies is the winter time. The theory is that you stock up in the down time to get ready for fishing time. At least this is what I hear from the podcasts that I listen to. Fortunately for me, I do live in coastal steelhead country so I really have no excuse to not fish or tie flies.

This is not what I wanted to actually talk about today. I have a secret. My bench in the basement began life as a fly-tying bench. The top was specifically sized so that my vise would be able to clamp onto the top. In fact, I planed down the thickness so that this would work because I had planned on making it thicker. So, this is the story of my bench.

Back in 2011, I started this project of building a bench for my basement. I needed a sturdy space to do stuff. I thought that I would use it to do house projects but also tie flies. I spent a couple weekends milling stock and planning the design. This was an evolutionary effort where I had a rough idea about what my requirements were but the design changed as the wood revealed defects and my mistakes changed things as I went. My progress ended after the first couple of weekends because the cat decided to take up residence with kittens.

That time in my life was a whirlwind. Much of my work week was spent on the road from 2010-2015. I was travelling and working and my woodworking project languished. When you live like that and have toddler aged children, you don’t have the energy or the social capitol to do non-essential things like hobbies. But, I was making some side money in the form of travel bonuses so in 2012, I decided to buy a reloading setup.

The reloading equipment stayed in the box and my bench stayed in parts. When I got my range membership in 2016, then I really started recreationally shooting. I had been carrying empty brass around with me my whole life because my dad was a reloader but it really started piling up when I started shooting monthly. I decided to get back in gear and clean up my shop by finishing this project finally in the summer of 2017.

The reloading press got center stage when I mounted it. My original intention was to remove the press when I wasn’t using it allowing me to tie flies in the center of the bench. I did a lot of reloading but not a lot of fly tying so the press stayed. At this point reloading is here to stay and so is the press. There is room to move the vise somewhere else along the edge.

It was always my plan to have storage underneath the bench. I just didn’t know how I was going to manifest it until I got near the end. The large drawer was re-purposed from a previous workpiece, my home built router table, miter bench that didn’t make the journey back from SC. Before that, the drawer was part of a dog house that I recycled.

This bench is not that old, but it certainly has seen action. Currently, I use it almost daily as the stand for my pellet trap. Guns get cleaned on the bench and a lot of reloading has been done. I have wrapped presents, soldering, chopping and a lot of junk piling too.

I had this vision of using an old computer to stream music and look-up a few things now and then, but I think that machine has entered the end of its life because it doesn’t have the memory to stream larger format items. Right now, it is not really hurting anything where it is, so it will stay there for now. There are other things you cannot see or are not worth much but a mention like a cordless battery charger, a test phone, etc.

End Your Programming Routine: Sometimes things don’t end the way that you expect and sometimes they just take a long time to get there. This has some of both. At this point, I cant really imagine life without this bench, it plays a pivotal role in so many things that I do with content generation and hobbies. I doubt that it will make a move if and when that happens but I guess that is an excuse to build one based on the lessons of this one.

November 22, 2022 – Election Fallout for AltF4.co

November 22, 2022 /

Only a fool would let his enemy teach his children. – Malcom X

I don’t always agree with Malcom, but this sure resonates with me. I will assume that you are dense and explain this a little further. We send our kids to school for seven hours a day and then we are surprised that they leave after thirteen years woke and entitled.

I wrote early on about being the ‘gray man’. This means don’t get noticed, blend in, be strategic about your permanent footprint. Every day, as I write and post I consider whether what I am producing will have negative consequences. I deliberately leave personal information obscured for those reasons.

While these two things don’t 100% correlate, I guess what I am trying to say is to not educate your enemy because they will use that against you. Don’t be surprised when I talk about a subject every week and all of the sudden I am an expert or at least a target. That is where I am at with Tacticool Thursday. With that, I am going to discontinue that segment immediately.

The truth is I am sad. I have lines of ideas that I want to write about. I have more things in the pipeline for that one weekly segment than any other. But, it is foolish to continue to broadcast even a small amount of attention for what I may or may not have.

Let’s talk about what I am and am not saying. It doesn’t mean that I am going to stop with the activity. It means that I am going to stop writing about most aspects. It doesn’t mean that I am not going to occasionally write about related subjects or even certain gear. But, firearms specifically are no longer going onto the blog and similar topics are going to be greatly reduced.

If I end up moving to a place that respects freedom more, then Tacticool Thursday will likely come back. For now, it makes no sense to continue to paint a background scene to my self portrait even if I haven’t put my picture in it.

It is very likely that a challenge to Oregon 114 will be upheld. Already magazine capacity limits in states like California and New York have been nullified by the results of Bruen v. New York State Rifle and Pistol Club Supreme Court ruling last year. The current precedent of that ruling is that magazine capacity limits are unconstitutional. But, when it comes to the comparison of right and dead or wrong and alive, which one do you want to be?

Despite the fact that these laws are getting struck down, do you want to pay the lawyers’ bill? Do you have 10 years of your life to fight this fight? Do you want to go through the hassle of arrest and bail or ticket? This is what I am saying, stay the gray man.

End Your Programming Routine: I do not deny who I am or what I like. I do not deny what I have written. But, the past is the past. I think that I am going to start investigating freedom on Thursdays. I need to start spending some time researching a better alternative to where I am currently residing and the best way to do it in my mind is to write about it.

October 29, 2022 – When Your Legacy is Conflict and Hurt

October 29, 2022 /

This is a special Saturday morning edition. I have some quiet time to really go deep into my thoughts. Two days ago, my mother-in-law passed away. It was sudden and it was unexpected although not surprising given that she had terminal cancer and was nearing the end. This event opened the door for people to behave poorly. Out of nowhere, I got a text message.

It is almost like, they bit their lip while she was alive because how they felt about the situation, not necessarily my mother-in-law. The ironic thing is that I prayed for all of those involved shortly before receiving this because I knew that there was hurt and pain.

I am not going to say that I am holier than thou, because I am not. There are certain people that I would like to punch in the face if I saw them on the street right now (figuratively). Then, I push my feelings to god and go about another couple of hours until the next wave comes again.

Yesterday morning, I was reading the news headlines. The implication of the article is that without moderation, there will be a lack of civility on Twitter. And to a large degree I believe that will be true. But, is it right? Do we have the right to be ignorant? Do we have the right to not be offended? Do we have the the responsibility to judge other’s intent simply for civility?

Despite all that has happened, I never have never thought that these people didn’t have the right to feel the way that they do nor speak their mind. I am not a proponent of hate speech but I am also not a proponent of censorship, even when it is threatening.

There is a saying that “your right to free speech ends at my nose”. This implies, say what you want but that doesn’t give you the right to do anything physical. I am self-aware. I already know that they do not want us around. The fact that I am unwilling to engage or give them an audience allows them to invent whatever fantasy fits their narrative.

Listening to the radio a couple of days ago, I was reminded of the nursery rhyme, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”. We used to say that as kids in the 1980s. The truth is, words do hurt at least a little bit. A build up or barrage leads to self doubt or at the very least. Unfortunately, we have become a fragile society and want someone else to stop or filter what we don’t want to see or deal with.

What is truly sad is that rather than writing a memorial, my mother-in-law’s legacy is hurt, anger and conflict. People that think that they know the situation have no idea about our truth. Many people have done this exercise. It is the picture that either shows a young woman or an old woman (actually it shows both). This is literally the same picture and people immediately see one thing.

History is a set of facts written or interpreted with a biased perspective. It could be pioneers prospered in the west or it could be our society was wrecked and our land taken. Both are interpretations and presentation of the same set of facts. Of course I am upset about what has been said to my wife and her sister (and me). I also have to assume that I also do not know our aggressor’s set of facts or total intent. Just like I don’t appreciate being judged, I will refrain from doing the same thing any further.

I will say this: what I know as ‘facts’ are all first hand information. I was there and I was involved in the situation. That is my solace and truth.

End Your Programming Routine: I am not going to predict that things will not continue to be ugly. What I do believe is that people that react this viscerally to any situation will likely get redirected to the next shiny thing. With time and separation, it won’t be worth their effort. God, give me the strength to act in your image and represent my beliefs.

September 10, 2022 – Whiskey Lullaby

September 10, 2022 /

Hi friends, I know it is Saturday, but sometimes I just have something more to say. You may more may not be familiar with this song, But, to sum it up, a man ends up drinking himself to death over his pain of a broken relationship. And the woman cannot live with the guilt, so she drinks herself to death as well.

Last night, my wife’s uncle passed away from complications due to diabetes. Out of respect for him, I am not going to mention his full name. But, this is my forum so I am going write about my feelings and perspective. I think that was his own whiskey lullaby. It wasn’t the relationship that caused the drinking, it was the drinking that ended the relationship. But, ultimately when he lost everything it was too late stop the damage.

I feel bad for him, the baby of twelve. He wasn’t too much older than me, I would say fifteen years or so. In some ways a distant older brother rather than an uncle. You almost can’t help it with age gap as my wife and he grew up together, and that took a long time.

I would say he was about forty when he married and assumed a family. He seemed happy and changed from couch surfing and staying up all night drinking to buying a small property and raising animals, a stepson and a life I never knew he had in him. I suppose that the forties are an age where cracks start to appear from the habits acquired in life. My father-in-law was diagnosed with diabetes in his mid-forties, my wife’s other uncle that drank himself to death in his mid-fifties had diabetes for a number of years.

I guess what I am saying is that everything seems fine until it isn’t. At that point, you have two choices: straighten up or continue the way things are. Like all addictions, it is really hard to change. I don’t know if he was really an alcoholic or someone that just couldn’t imagine life differently. We knew that the doctors advised him to stop, we also knew that he didn’t. I suppose that it is one of those things that you think there is still time.

I can’t help but think that if he had a couple more spankings as a child and a few less turned heads as an adult that this wouldn’t have been the end. He was a good guy with a few faults. If he was an alcoholic, he made it to work every day was always helpful setting up and cleaning up family functions no matter how much he had drank. Maybe that is what you call functional?

Once his wife had enough, it went downhill fast. The house went up for sale, in fact he was in the hospital when the property closure happened and we had to help move his stuff out. I don’t know for a fact but I assume that the pain was too much because he was in and out of the hospital all summer. Then we got the call yesterday that if we wanted to say goodbye, we had better hurry.

End Your Programming Routine: I suppose that we all have people in our lives that are headed to a crash course to reality. I am sad that this is how the story was written. I really don’t know what else to say but R.I.P – Jim. I hope that you have now have the peace that this life did not bring… “and the angels sing a whiskey lullaby”.