I have been a fan of the Dave Ramsey book list for many years and this book has been on my to read list for all of them.  The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is also recommended by me as well.  Other titles like Who Moved My Cheese have a message but I find to be a bit situational. 

I kind of, sort of had fantasies of reading this and having an epiphany when my wife’s parents were alive.  Boundaries were a huge issue in our relationship.  I left them more to my wife to deal with because I felt like I didn’t want to get in the middle of their relationship.  That was probably the wrong thing to do because we each as individuals have boundaries.  I am just as entitled to have my boundaries as well.  What a complicated mess.

I wanted to buy copies for both of us.  I thought by reading it, we would self-reflect on the lessons and things would get better.  I realize now that was probably not going to happen.  Part of why I held off was I was uncertain about whether the idea was insulting.  I also realize that boundaries have two parties with the aggressor and the egressed. 

A number one problem with people violating boundaries is not knowing (my problem) or not caring (their problem).  Hence the need to study boundaries.  I kind of just accepted that this was the way things were going to be without stating my wants in the situation.  This is a little bit unfair to them and it certainly did not make me any happier. 

This of course caused friction within the marriage as well.  My wife was unhappy at the constant conflict over boundaries who then brought them to me.  I would then in turn defer to her and nothing would get resolved.  My stance was, if you wanted a relationship then this was the price that was to be paid.  I should mention that she was very good and up front about boundaries which is why I expressed my attitude a above. 

Chapter one is an anecdotal story about a woman who struggles in happiness because of being buffered about in a life without boundaries.  I have kind of violated my principles by reading way ahead and so I am kind of biased about this book already.  Let me warn you up front that this book is highly based on Christian principles.  While I think that there is some value for everyone, it feels like throughout the book it is the ‘meek Christian’ that cannot dare to set boundaries.

I have met these people for sure and the audience is clearly intended for the faithful but to me it feels extremely stereotypical.  Being paralyzed in the ‘turn the other cheek’ mentality to not be able to function in life is more rare than it would seem based on the book.  There is nothing wrong with faith base counseling, in fact I think that it helps set the proper perspective and context for us faithful.  But, I do think that it is wrong to come at this as a crisis of faith.  That idea discounts a lot of people that probably need these words but will be turned off by the faith forward approach.

Let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater yet.  Chapter two is about all the different kinds of boundaries.  Some of them are not personal based but culturally based.  For instance, I noticed in China the personal zone was extremely different than what I was used to.  In line for the subway, people would literally press right up against others.  What we would consider a tight western line would have some air right in between two people.  It was one of the things that I was quite ready to leave when I came back home because it felt very suffocating.

Reading all of the different types of boundary examples did make me understand that I also had boundary violations.  It wasn’t just that others transgressing on me but that I failed to express where mine were.  I always felt like people should know not to do this or that but then it completely makes sense that if I do not communicate as such that this kind of thing could happen.

End Your Programming Routine: Hopefully, things get better from here.  I have started out a bit negative which I do feel is warranted.  But, like I said let’s give it a chance.  Next week we will get a little more scientific about the subject.  I will talk more about the book instead of my own situation instead.