When I took this picture, I imagined coming up with some controversial topic. In lieu of trying to dredge up some more politics or some other distasteful topic I thought I would go much deeper today. By the time I get done, hopefully it would make sense.
I often wish that I had an established therapist. I would like to have some independent input. Second to that, I probably should work harder a developing a friendships. I hear all the time on the Art of Manliness that male friendships are important to a healthy mental state. I have said several times that this is my form of therapy. Writing or podcasting allows me to think about a subject and put together a logical opinion about things.
Something happened recently that I desperately want to talk about. But, it is not my story to tell, at least yet. Of course what happened has some sort of impact on me. I have every right to react in any way because it is my genuine feelings based on me and my character. But, when I look at things objectively this has very little impact to me or my life and it would be best to wait and talk about the details of the situation here when it is publicly acknowledged due to the sensitivity.
I am always waving the live and let live flag. As an example, if someone wants to marry their dog or file their teeth into vampire fangs, why should I care? Of course I have opinions on the whole thing but it doesn’t really matter what I think. Make no mistake, transgressions were made in the legal, ethical and moral grounds. So it is not as if I don’t have a potential claim of damages.
As Bill Handel of Handel on the Law would say, “What are the damages here”? People are constantly wronged in some way, but can you prove it? And if you can, what is the value? I say all this to say that rather than extracting revenge or issuing a penalty, the self admitted guilty may be punishment enough. I am talking about something that is a one way door. Once you go through, you cant go back. That is pretty scary.
It is pretty easy to say live and let live when it is someone else’s condition or problem. But, when it happens in your own domain, it is a little harder to stay consistent. I don’t think about this often but something like Luigi Mangione’s parents. I am assuming that they still love their child even though he did something horribly wrong. Luigi may regret it but you certainly can’t say that it was an accident or even a misstep. It was self admitted, premeditated murder. That is pretty hard to come back from.
There is no doubt that the elder Mangione’s were damaged by their son’s action. But again, what is the value? In this situation, forgiveness is still be appropriate but other actions like funding legal defense are probably out of the question of propriety. My incident is nothing like this but the point remains that children’s actions effect their parents. Even public scrutiny is painful.
My wife asked how I felt about this situation. It was a loaded question as she knew because I know in my heart how I feel but I also don’t know how exactly to react. Because of the secretive nature, because of the one way commitment and because of the wrongs involved it is hard to embrace the overall situation. Perhaps we should look at these dilemma’s with a more long term outlook.
I remember being in college and I was a Senior. My sister-in-law called my wife and said that she was pregnant at 18. My first reaction was that this was a disaster for her. When the second child came about a year later, I felt like one was already too much but two is insane. Looking back 25 years later, it all worked out. It wasn’t easy then and it has had lasting implications to this day but they all made it. It wasn’t my direction or results but then it didn’t need to be.
Using the example above, how I feel about a situation will change over time. I would always want to err on the side of caution in these kind of conflicts because I have seen first hand and the consequences thereof. It ends up with being estranged from your family as you are dying and no hope of reconciliation. That is much worse than having a justified reaction for the time and act.
I have some time before I see this person again. That means there should be plenty of time to have a dignified and controlled conversation. This is part of why I wrote this today so I could organize my thoughts and consolidate how I really feel. When it comes to actually having this conversation, my hope is that I have put enough thought to clearly articulate my feelings without all of the hurts and hang-ups of the things that will be forgotten in 25 years.
End Your Programming Routine: I have read and re-read what I have written above. Despite being obtuse, I think that the message I have conveyed is don’t be brash, don’t be reactive and things will work themselves out over time. If or when this situation becomes public, I will certainly have much more to say, including my true feelings. Until that time, it doesn’t make sense to potentially damage a relationship just because I slighted.
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