Tag: support

Stuff happens. No one plans to get cancer, especially when the person is a child. Whether you are in middle school or middle age, health disruptions suddenly supersede any plans you have in life.

My son has a friend that was diagnosed with cancer last week. They are the same age and they live two blocks away. He has been over to my house many times sometimes for an hour or two and sometimes overnight. Even his siblings have spent time over here. This isn’t really an acquaintance, but someone that we know pretty well.

Speaking from experience, when you are in treatment your life is not your own. In 2010, my wife had a near death illness and in 2012 she was diagnosed with cancer. The severity of the tumor is graded on how treatable it is. In her case it was stage 4 (out of 5) meaning it was effecting multiple locations and was not possible to surgically remove.

I was pulling weeds in the garden one day, just kind of having some alone time. My wife was in the hospital and our pastor came by. He asked me how I was doing and what I thought about all of this. Since I had been through this once before, I knew the ropes with doctors, hospitals and all that. There was little fear about uncertainty of what the next few months of treatment would look like. The fear was really what the future would look like for me and two boys aged 4 and 6.

I told him, “After the last illness, I saw her faith and ability to appreciate life grow exponentially. I don’t think God’s lesson is for her this time. I think this is for the other people in her life, like me”. I won’t say that I turned the switch on exactly at that moment, but I will say that I started removing excuses in my life to change my ways in faith.

In my mind, I grew up attending church every week. As I moved out of the home, I knew my beliefs and I wasn’t opposed to church but nothing we tried really felt comfortable. I justified that I was well adjusted in faith because I spent every Sunday as a youth in church. As a result, I realized that believing is one thing but worship and congregation are part of the deal as well. That is super tough for me because I find it uncomfortable but you cannot reach your full potential as a closet Christian.

Consequently, there is no such thing as a perfect denomination. What is more important is getting plugged in and keep an open mind. I don’t 100% agree with everything my church does, but I can’t say that it is wrong on theology. It is more about the approach and my comfort level and what I would prefer. Quite frankly, I think being challenged and uncomfortable is actually healthy in faith.

I hate to admit this but sometimes I wish that I had been the one that got cancer and survived. I wish that I had the ability to appreciate things in the same lens as someone that see’s life as a gift. As much as I can empathize with the family on the support side of the treatment, as of now I cannot have the same level of appreciation as a survivor. Let me be clear, it is not that I want it, I just will not have the same level of understanding.

A few nights ago, we went to a short prayer service for this teen that is starting his journey. It was informal and we really don’t know the prognosis. I don’t want to be the one that blows smoke by sharing my story and potentially provide false hope or sound somewhat gloating as I won the lottery on survival. I am not saying that it would be received that way either. However, I have this forum to say whatever I want to say. Maybe my writing gives someone a kickstart into finding the right course in life too.

End Your Programming Routine: This isn’t the only cancer story that is currently active in my life. It does happen to be the one that I am more hopeful for and the one that fits my story today. I don’t think that we need crisis or tragedy to change our ways. One thing that those situations do very well is galvanize where you stand and can easily push a person to one side or the other. I hope for the best here, I will stay tuned to where my lesson is in the journey.