Tag: mindset

May 16, 2024 – What Happened, How Should I Feel?

May 16, 2024 /

There she is, this is the actual RV that I attempted to purchase. In a fit of luck(?) I was denied a loan. OK, that is the bottom line. But now let us get into the story of it.

Last week, I wrote about looking at RVs. In the week that transpired, I found one that I liked the price and would fit the immediate needs. That is, a place to stay for a month while my wife goes through a medical treatment where we have to stay close to the hospital. As I wrote last week, I am really kind of taken by the class B (converted van) type of body. While what is pictured below is a class C.

This was a 2007, had under 50,000 mil and was in really good shape. The best part was that the price was $28,000. I liked it a lot for our upcoming trip even if it was not exactly what I would have liked. My wife and I were really impressed when we saw it. She told a couple of her friends that we were looking at RVs and one of them asked if we wanted to split it. She immediately said yes and was ready to start pursuing it.

I don’t want to give off negative vibes. These are good people and the women are deep friends. In my mind, I was thinking “no, this is not what I want”. Despite the cost of ownership being split, I didn’t want to have to worry about I want to do this so you need to pay half or I really didn’t want that even if you paid for it all.

I have talked about being frugal before. If it were up to me, I would probably have piles of money. Of course, we have a yin and yang in our marriage and the financial side leans away from my yang quite a bit. I was definitely worried about taking on another obligation with my wife’s future. If I didn’t want this for her, it would be a hard no from me.

While I was wrestling with this, I prayed. I asked God for a sign on making the right decision. I started softening a bit after I didn’t get any sign I could see in the proceeding days. I started thinking about splitting the cost was really as safer starting point. I really didn’t want to commit, but I wanted to please so I said yes.

We were denied by the loan application. How does that feel? Relieved actually. I wanted this for her and I kind of wanted it for me. But all of the work getting ready to park it, the extra financial burden, the sharing aspect that I did not want actually makes me feel relieved.

I don’t know why we were denied. I suspect that it may be that my wife is on FMLA leave and not making any income, but you know all of the variables that go into that. I figured it was a slam dunk once we filled out the paperwork. God thought otherwise.

I won’t deny that there are some other emotions involved. The second one being shame. We started making plans with people and sharing what we are doing to now have to back track. I also won’t deny that I think we have too much debt. For me, any amount is too much and I wish that we had none but that is the whole yin/yang thing again. For me, that is a little shameful as well.

The third emotion is worry. What if there is something that caused this? I am waiting for the denial letter and then I will check my credit to see if something is amiss. We will need a new(er) car in the next few years and I make a lot of money per month. Not being able to qualify for a modest car sized loan is concerning.

End Your Programming Routine: Too often I only talk about success. Granted I don’t have that many, this is definitely a failure. I probably should have stood with my gut and said no from the get go. I am definitely weak when it comes to putting my foot down financially and I haven’t done a lot of it for many years. Thank goodness God has my back.

May 13, 2024 – Shifting To a Seven Day Mentality

May 13, 2024 /

We all have limited time and ability. I think what most employees get wrong is that they look at the engagement as what do I have to do and not what can I do. Even in the former case, entrepreneurs know that the buck ultimately stops with them. You have to be in the mindset to think creatively.

June 1, 2023 – It Happened to Me… My Mind is Blown

June 1, 2023 /

You hear about these things and I guess you never fully understand it until it happens to you. Recently, I was half listening to a podcast and the term ‘philomath’ came up. They pronounced it like ‘phyllo math’ and they proclaimed that it was a combination of two Greek words that mean love of learning.

I was born in Corvallis Oregon. About five miles to the west is the town of Philomath Oregon (we pronounce it as fil-lo-math). It was the town that you drove through on the way to the coast. It was known as a timber town that the police liked to issue speeding tickets (because there was no reason to stop). It was also known as a town that has an endowment for any graduating senior to get a full scholarship to Oregon Statue University. It has since been modified to any student that want’s to study Forestry at OSU.

In the last twenty years, the town’s growth has been significant. Despite the fact that most of the mills were shuttered in the 1990s, population is rapidly growing. The reason is that the land cost and tax structure are significantly advantageous to living in nearby Corvallis.

Back in my day… my impression of Philomath was a redneck town. There were logger taverns and run down buildings. This was the definition of working class, mill town that you wouldn’t want to be after dark, if you weren’t from there. Of course that was my ignorance, I have no idea if that is actually true but I am painting an impression of my feelings.

There was a tavern called The Woodsman which used to be the first thing you see as you enter town from the west. I have never been there but I am pretty sure this was one of those places that was open as long as it was legal (7a-2a in Oregon) and served my regional favorite beers like Rainier, Olympia, Blitz-Wienhard and Hamm’s. A little over twenty years ago it became a locally regarded Thai restaurant.

I had always assumed that the name was native American. There are so many names that are like Tillamook, Alsea, Siletz, Neskowin, Calapooia or Willamette to name a few. I just told you that we never stopped (so I never read the sign in the picture). When they were talking about it on the podcast I realized what I thought I knew was nothing of the sorts. It is actually of Greek origin, not native.

I consider myself a critical thinker. I make efforts to analyze information and make a rational decision from my analysis. I suppose that doesn’t apply to things that you always knew as true. What’s even worse is that there is a sign describing the name in the middle of town. The information is publicly visible and has been my whole life, I have never looked at it.

This happens to be a simple issue that really doesn’t matter. This could be why I was open to evaluating it and realizing my error. I think the danger is for items that are highly charged and the actual data is suspect. Those things that we always knew, supported by lies lead us to false realities.

The human mind is a funny thing. When I was taking criminology class I learned that one of the reasons suspects/witnesses are separated is because one individual can influence another and people can ‘remember’ things that they did not see. We want the story as unbiased as possible looking for inconsistencies between the individual stories. Someone will compile all the different stories into a theory and then potentially test that theory in court.

End Your Programming Routine: I am not saying that I am a great man or a great mind. People have fallibilities and that is a fact. Of course some are more flawed than others and it is a matter of perspective on what is worse or not. This is our inherent human bias. My whole point is be careful of what you know to be true because you might just find out you were wrong all along.

May 23, 2023 – What To Do in Transition

May 23, 2023 /

No, not that kind of transition… It’s sad to say that when I now hear this word I think the meaning has changed. I am sure that it is just me, but transitioning seems so pervasive these days I just can’t help going there. We are in transition of season, school year, activities, projects, etc. For me, I have all these things going on.

I often find that after I am pushing to meet a goal, if I don’t pay attention, transition becomes the status quo. Or said differently, if I don’t have a project lined up when I finish one, I will languish in this post project stupor. For instance, it feels like I have just finished my sofa table. In relative terms I did considering it took years to complete. But, the reality was that this was now months ago.

I have a real need. The flashing around my front window is leaking and it means that I need to remove 75% of the siding. I am worried that if I don’t address it soon that there could be real damage to the structure. It has already been leaking for eight years. I have tried some remediation efforts but they have only lasted for a season, so now it is time to fix it permanently.

The best time to do that is now, between May and October. I have the light and the dry weather but this is going to be a big project (for me). Ideally, I would rent scaffolding and I think it will be a couple of weeks (straight through). But I am dragging my feet because we have to finish the school year an exchange student on the way, kids going on exchange and my wife going to Europe. This is not to mention that we have a 25th anniversary party coming up in June.

It is probably something I should consider hiring out given that it doesn’t feel like I have time to do it. That is a whole job in and of itself. So, I am stuck in this transition malaise. In the mean time, I don’t want to completely focus on problems but on solutions. I am going to talk about what I do in those periods.

Clean-Up: Inevitably, while focusing on a project I have all kinds of ‘I will put that away later’ moments. This also extends to other areas of the house, not just my project spaces. I get focus and I prioritize the project work over everything else. This is also to say that if I am working in the shop the broom and vacuum come out for a deep, finishing clean. I certainly don’t do that while I am working. But it could also be site clean-up by picking up rotten wood, off-cuts, shingle pieces, garbage or whatever.

Maintenance: If I can see the finish line, I get super motivated to go there. This then give me the propensity to defer certain items. I recently realized that it had been 18 months since my last oil change in the pick-up. I fixed that. I have another vehicle that needs one too. I replaced the sprinkler that was broken last summer and caused me to shut of the irrigation early. This is also a good time to get things done before starting a new project. So, preventative maintenance.

Exploration: Once I complete something, then I feel like I have earned the chance to do kick-back a little bit. Doing a few of the ‘I like to try that someday’ feels like a reward without the guilt of ‘I should be doing something else’. This is exactly why I keep telling myself that I want to try to find this fishing hole lately. But it is also me wanting to try having on keg on tap and one waiting to see if only having one tap is adequate.

Rest: I am the last one to really preach rest. Rest can drive me stir crazy and I prefer exploration to rest. That being said, finishing that lagging book, taking a day trip to the beach, a weekend movie or family activities at the expense of other things comprise rest for me. I suppose rest is also not planning or thinking about the next thing while in transition.

End Your Programming Routine: What I have always wanted was to be real and honest. I don’t want to make myself seem better than I really am. I would say that I probably don’t have the right answer to any question, but I probably have an answer. For some reason, my brain is programmed to continuously push for more things checked off my list and that is what motivates me. But, making downtime productive can also be rewarding as well.

March 27, 2023 – What is ‘Being Angry At Bad Guys’?

March 27, 2023 /

After struggling with this all week, I finally got it to work. After my recent success of the podcast short episodes, I thought this would be easy. It turns out that I struggled every day with some issue or another. I literally spent hours trying to edit this and get the files in the right place.

A bad guy is someone that does you wrong. But there is more subtext than that. A Bad Guy not only does you wrong but also there isn’t much you can do about it. Notice the capitalization, this is a named title. So, when you spend your energy outside of your circle of control you are wasting it.

End Your Programming Routine: Am I admitting there is a problem? I sure am. People shouldn’t be bad and they shouldn’t make profit at the expense of others. However, it is easier to lay blame at some enigma rather than take responsibility for something . But when you spend your time fighting constant demons or specters, you fail to advance in the treasure map.

February 16, 2023 – Business Travel Mindset

February 16, 2023 /

I can tell that I am starting to lose it because everything is starting to get screwed up. My SSL certificate expired and I really can’t deal with it on the road. I am getting things out of order for publishing and producing more podcasts than I actually need. You probably wont see all of this unless you are really paying attention.

My mind is tired. I explain more in today’s episode but right now I feel like my normal life is a lifetime away. Today is about my perspective on how I feel traveling. I know others that love life on the road, but I could just as soon never go on another business trip.

End Your Programming Routine: Just because there are some perks doesn’t mean it is fun (to me anyway). I have to say that I commend those people that work rotating shift work as a career. Maybe it would be different if I did it my whole life but my brain is starting to get foggy. Long days with little rest is starting to wear me down.

October 17, 2022 – Revisiting Hardware and Software

October 17, 2022 /

I knew that I wrote about this once. I looked it up and it was April 13, 2020. In that context, I was talking about spending money on things that accessorize my shop equipment rather than another tool. Today, I am taking about having experiences versus stuff primarily. I some ways, the two are closely related.

End Your Programming Routine: This is something that I battle with. I am stuck in the ‘how can I use this’ mentality of what would make this experience better the next time I do it. The challenge is tempering the exuberance of getting better with the reality of investing for future experiences.

January 6, 2021- A Parable About the State of Freedom

January 6, 2021 /

Hello everybody. I am sorry about not getting a full week in to begin the year. What I am learning is that if I work a full day, I need to begin getting ready at 8:30AM and I get home around 10:00PM. That doesn’t leave a lot of extra time to get other things done.

Political muck is still heavily on our minds as the final election results are being sorted out (the Georgia Senate races). But, today I wanted to talk once again about mindset and freedom. You see something happened yesterday that completely illustrates our lack of the value of freedom and reinforces the fact that we don’t really value it as we say we do.

There is a fledgling business near my small town. I don’t really know much of the story other than to say my family has been doing business with it for about four months now. The owner has done a good job with guerilla style marketing, works like a dog, employs around ten people and has compassion in his business dealings. For instance, he doesn’t demand payment before goods rendered, he offers line of credit and he charitably donates probably more than he should. This business is ‘illegal’.

What you say? Don’t go all half-cocked before you hear the rest of the story. The facility and organization is not licensed to do business. Consequently, a ‘competitor’ found out about the operation and reported him to the state. Now, he is in limbo about the entire organization. From an inside source, there are plans to go legitimate in 2021. He has built a business plan that include five franchises beginning in the second quarter of this year.

So that is the quick story. Now, let’s take some time to analyze the situation.

  1. Tyranny is propagated by those that participate in the system. The people that are vested in the rules and regulations have the most to gain by implementing and maintaining systems that exclude competition.
  2. Licensure is a false prophet for the ideals of quality, safety and sanitation. Sure, periodic audits are helpful to implement better practices and establish a baseline of what should be done. They do very little to make sure that they are followed on a day to day basis.
  3. Everybody loves a rags to riches story… or do they? Would you buy an unpermitted house or go to a non-licensed restaurant or buy products weighed on an non-certified scale? We say that we like these things, but our actions prove otherwise.
  4. Sometimes the barrier for entry is too high, until you have means to get there. As someone that went through an IRS audit last year, every undocumented transaction is income unless it can be documented otherwise. Guilty until proven innocent.
  5. The foundation of this country, based on bootstrap will and tolerance for entrepreneurship is dead. Did George Washington get a permit from the ATF to make whiskey or was Benjamin Franklin licensed to provide insurance? I think that they would have thought this a violation of there fundamental rights as do I.

We claim to be a society that roots for the underdog and values the little guy. Yet the proverbial ‘we’ has little tolerance for rule breaking to claim our stake and make our fortunes as our predecessors did. When people are more concerned about what everyone else is doing, they have lost their ability to be creative and compete on merit. That is the essence of freedom. I figured that this day would come, I was rooting for the guy.

October 27, 2020 – Have I failed at unemployment?

October 27, 2020 /

I guess that you could say maybe I hit the mid-life crisis stage a few years early. I got the car (and sold it), I quit my job without a plan and I am still trying to answer that question succinctly. Last night, I realized bigger truth is that we are asking ourselves the wrong wrong question in life.

I believe the proper question is not ‘What’ but ‘Who do you want to be when you grow up’. As I grow older the wisdom of age starts to come into play. The reason things and a high paying career don’t bring happiness is because they really don’t matter. In fact, they do the opposite by cementing you into your unhappiness by propelling you to do things you don’t really want to do to have things that don’t change the happiness paradigm.

Photo by Diana Platonova on Pexels.com

It is not easy to go from associating a title and worth to an unknown. Let me give an example. Am I unemployed, retired, a struggling entrepreneur (or an idiot)? Last April when I left my job I told people that I was retired. I was mentally burned out from the years of brutal travel and being on the clock 24/7. While I was employed, my mental numbness was soothed by buying things like tools that there was no way I would ever use because I didn’t ever have the time to do so. I was sure that I wanted something different and controlling my own destiny would go a long way toward self fulfillment.

As time went on, I knew that I was too young to ‘retire’ from a financial perspective but I didn’t have any prospects. Of the interviews I did last year, some of opportunities would have paid a lot more to do similar activities. I briefly considered that if I made more money, the struggle and stress would be worth it. Fortunately or not, none of those opportunities worked out and I shifted to unemployed.

As of the turn of this year, I dedicated more effort into finding a replacement job. Little did I know that the Pandemic economy would change the business landscape. For instance, my wife hasn’t been in her office since March. Many of the large tech companies are decentralizing (locations), potentially forever. Social gathering and networking has been pushed into the virtual domain. More so than ever, job searching has become who you know, increasingly online.

My lack of success being unemployed had forced me to become entrepreneurial for better or worse. I think that it is still very much in line with my happiness. I don’t mind working longer from a timeclock standpoint as long I am controlling my destiny. The real problem is that this is emersion learning and commiserate earning. It will be take some years to become proficient and viable in the business aspects.

One of the reasons that I wrote about being grateful last week is that is a who statement rather than a what statement. Despite the title of the job or the salary attached to the title, knowing who you want to be can help shape your circumstance. Trying a litmus test, here are some characteristics that I think will make me happy.

  • I want a faith centered life to provide a framework of principles, decision making, accountability and redemption
  • I want to be a supportive husband, father, son, citizen. I want to be available without guilt to volunteer, attend functions and appointments to do my first duties first
  • I want to have meaningful relationships that help other people people grow into what they want to be or be safe to be themselves
  • I want to be a positive force where applied, wanted or needed
  • I want the freedom of creativity and choice, the scientist in me wants to hypothesize, test and analyze results.
  • I want the ability to learn from and influence my future based on lessons learned or perceived mistakes
  • I want merit based reward, not based on tenure or title. This keeps the incentive to innovate and strive for continuous improvement in front

From those things, what career would you say I should be looking for? There are a few things that are applicable to a job but many are not and none are specific. In my talks with associates in the HR field, their advice is that I am not specific enough in my approach, where I am looking or even my interviewing. The way I see it is that I cant be, that is the crisis and dichotomy that lead me here in the first place. I have subconsciously changed my focus to Who and not What and it seems to show in my job searching.

I am going to start wrapping it up. What I will do is keep pushing forward keeping my values in front, evaluating data consistently and things will fall into place. Just as promised in my stated goals, I want to be a positive force for others so I hope that you spend more time focusing on ‘Who you want to be’ rather than ‘What do you want to be’. If you ever get the Who licked then by all means go for it!

October 20, 2020 – I want to be grateful

October 20, 2020 /

Have you ever had an opinion that you alone held, especially the one where you believe you are right and everyone else is wrong? That is the kind of thing where you look at yourself in third person and you say how can you possibly believe something different than everyone else.

I guess that is way I can describe my gratefulness ‘gene’. I don’t really see it until I look back on myself in third person. I don’t tend to recognize all of the good things and tend to dwell on the negative.

Here are a list of some of the things that have happened within the last week.

  1. I have had two job interviews this week
  2. I have been helping my in-laws clean-up and organize. I took a load to the dump of their stuff and it included a bunch of mine as well.
  3. My father-in-law gave me a nice string trimmer that he is no longer using
  4. The neighbors gave me a bag full of mushrooms that they foraged this week
  5. I visited the new brewery in town with my wife for the first time. We had a nice time.
  6. I also went out with friends for a social evening on Saturday.
  7. We completed our 2019 taxes and were net neutral on owning money. This was a first in many years.
  8. My daily alignment walks seem to be helping me set daily priorities and be more in touch with spirituality.
  9. I have completed preserving everything that is available to do so. Yesterday I canned peppers as pickled jalapenos.
  10. I completed a job on-time and in-budget.

When I look at the list, almost every single item also has a negative counterpoint. For instance, I had two interviews last week and I also had two rejections. One of them came as I was writing this post; perfect opportunity to practice seeing the positive.

When I look at the list, I am actually impressed with the number of things that seem to be positive. At this moment, it kind of makes me feel like I really am a negative person. I don’t feel that way but comparing my problems versus my reality it sure seems that way. So, it is something that I will continue to work on.

I will keep thinking praying and listening to try and become more grateful. I will keep writing and speaking to show my feelings. I hope to become a better person in the end.