Warning, this podcast is much longer than normal. As my son prepares to graduate high school this week, I reflect on his journey through the education system. Let’s just say that it has not been great. He is a good kid with unique issues that doesn’t fit into the mold of normal kids. I take aim at the system and those that run it and participate in it. I didn’t realize the depth of problems until it was almost over. By that time, it was too late.
Tag: high school
January 17, 2024 – Like Father, Like Son
My dear, dear son. We are so much alike and yet it seems like there are chasms between us. Our interest and capabilities are similar, our experience and feelings are similar and yet for some reason one is haunted while the other is content in our beings. He made this cleaver below. I went to put the dishes away and it was in the knife drawer with the note Happy Birthday on it. He even presented in a way that I would. In secret, without any fanfare.
Last week was a difficult week for us. I was busy trying to keep the household together while he was doubting his place and role in it. My birthday was a week ago but it really came and went. I made a Korean inspired dinner so that I could taste my kim chi. I have to say that it wasn’t quite as soft as I wanted but in many ways it was better than I hoped. I definitely preferred this one to many that I have tasted before.
I was worried about the heating system and that everyone had their physical needs met before we were iced in for a couple of days while he was iced in already. Since we really didn’t do much on my birthday, my wife suggested that we have a small dinner on Friday, ahead of the weather. I was focused on the best choice and getting the word out while he was already planning how he could avoid it all together.
I am not there, but I think that I had a very similar high school experience. My best friends were older than I was. And so, my senior year was a solitary one. I ate lunch by myself. I was a little lonely, but only from the perspective that I didn’t understand why I jived with people that were no longer around more so than my peers. It is not so much of a mystery really but it is hard to convey in words. I think that my propensity to get along with older people has served me well. My first boss being a World War II vet liked me very much and invested in my first seven professional years.
I don’t know how better to describe high school but trite. My era had people wearing baseball caps twisted with the tags hanging down and overalls clipped on one side. Talk about stupid. They were emulating the videos they saw on M-TV. It is no wonder I started listening to country music at that point. But at a deeper level, I can certainly understand not identifying with those people.
When you are not quite your own person and not self sufficient it is hard to squeeze into the crack of figuring out who and how you want to be. Even out of college, I struggled to become my own person. My parents didn’t do it intentionally (I don’t think) but in my head I was under their thumb and so therefore my decisions were clouded with how they would judge my decisions.
Now, it seems silly, but at the time it was real. I can’t get a job in college because my parents are paying for it. I can’t let them know that I am going to a bar. I can’t take that class, it is not serious enough. I can’t skip this class to do something I need to do. And on it goes. I get my son and we discuss gaps such as that. I do my best to empower him, but I can only go so far, It is up to him to take what is given.
I used to seek permission on many things, even at work. One day, I realized that if it is not illegal, immoral, against policy or something like that it was time to stop. Nobody needs to enable me to go above and beyond or improve something. That was a liberating moment even to the point that I am challenging the status quo on the other things as well now. Why is this policy in place that doesn’t make sense or I don’t agree with that stance because of X, Y , Z data.
You have to be careful with that way of doing business but it is part of becoming your own person. I think once that happens, then you become confident in who you are. And when you become confident, you become happier. When you become happier, you realize the proper perspective of all those other things were not worth the worry. That is where we need to take this conversation.
End Your Programming Routine: Of course, none of us are perfect. I am not and neither is my son. He ground and honed that edge, which took a lot of time and looks pretty good. The handle is a little more crude and made with pine, probably the wrong material for longevity and durability. It is just like our lives. Some things are worked and refined while other parts are dubious or inappropriate. We just need to keep practicing those elements that need work. Find another material, method, use another design or shape until we find something that works for us. The only way to do that is to keep trying.
May 25, 2023 – Senioritis?
Thirty years ago at this time, the word had a different meaning. I was in my last weeks of high school and looking forward to new adventures. I was ready to get my life started which meant starting college after summer break. It was time to move on.
I remember running track and counting the days of school left. Everything seemed so pointless to keep marking the days until graduation. Everybody knew that the brakes were off at school. I had no illusions of placing at districts and track wasn’t going anywhere. I had nothing left to prove just wait my time.
I never really had any close bonds in my graduating class. Consequently, with my aversion to social media I never really kept up with anybody. I just realized that this is my thirty year reunion. I didn’t give ten or twenty years a thought, probably wont with this either since my position is still the same and it falls on my wife’s birthday. But it does say something, time is marching on.
Today, Senioritis might have a different meaning. I have a son that will be a senior next school year. My younger son is going to be gone all year on exchange to Taiwan. When he comes back, he will also be a senior. To be honest, I am looking forward to the their transition’s into adulthood.
It would be no secret to those that know me that my wife and I have different ideas about parenting. These high school years have been very hard on those differences. There has been conflict between us like never before and it is all because I feel strongly one way and she does the other. I won’t delve deep into the psychology or details of it but I will say that I am ready for the calm.
This isn’t about right or wrong. I can definitely see her side of things but it doesn’t mean that I am going to agree with it. To be clear, I am not saying that I want them to fly the coop and never to be seen again. No, but I am tired of cleaning up after them, yelling about the same things day after day, trying to reason with attitude and be the peacemaker between them. It is time to grow up.
I am treading a little bit dangerous here because I don’t want to go too deep into our relationship. But, I think it is safe to say that my wife wants to hold on as long as possible. I on the other hand am ready for them to experience real life lessons in the safest possible fashion. Money doesn’t grow on trees so when you break your phone or need to pay for car insurance plus rent plus food plus hundreds of dollars in ‘school clothes’ that doesn’t come easily or without sacrifice.
I am already funding two open ended airplane tickets abroad this summer, plus my wife is going on a three week trip to Europe as well. Now one of my son’s is asking to go on a one week trip to a high school trip across the country. What ever happened to pooling gas money together to get a ride to the next town? We have the money for all of that but I do remember those days of bribing rides by paying extra gas money. I think that was a rite of passage and character building. You didn’t take experiences for granted.
My new definition of Senioritis is moving into the post child rearing years. I do not really want to get old, but it beats the alternative. My kids will find their own balance. I don’t think that it will be what they currently think it is. And that is OK, it is part of the process. We will still be there to support them, we just won’t be or feel responsible for them.
I would love to say that I can see retirement on the radar. When I was graduating High School, there were people in their early 50s that were retiring. For me, that is only two to seven years. I can say this, that isn’t going to happen. It is more likely that I will work until I cant then to have a bunch of years in the retirement zone. Knowing that, it is imperative to get the most out of remaining years while health is still intact and everything seems so far away to improbable.
Recently, I find myself looking at small RVs and boats so that we can get out to fish on the weekend and get back to work during the week. That is likely going to be the flavor of my coming golden years. We are already talking about and looking at houses to move. Part of it is downsizing and part of it is to get out of here. I am feeling closed in in this town and state. My wife wants to move for different reasons but for both of us, they hinge on the kids becoming adults and making steps toward their own lives.
End Your Programming Routine: It bears repeating that I love this time of year. I love the hope that graduation represents. Many people like the winter holidays but I would argue that it is school ending is where everybody is happy and summer is just starting. Not only is there accomplishment from the year that was completed but there is a seemingly endless break before starting the next thing. It is exciting. It may seem like I was complaining but really I was expressing the factors that are pushing me to be ready for a change. I am ready to start my life (again) and I want to do it before I am too old to enjoy it.
June 9, 2020 – The final push to the end
This is typically a week I look forward to. It is a week filled with hope and optimism. I am talking about this week traditionally marks the end of the school year.
I live in a small college town and the Oregon university system has it’s graduation on Saturday of Father’s Day weekend. I don’t know many college kids, only one graduate this year. But it also marks a change of pace for our small town. Traffic lessens noticeably and the everything relaxes a bit. Commencement will be some sort of online ceremony not the typical, hope the sun shines, bask in the glory of completing school on the football field.
High School graduation was last Friday. Had our exchange student not had to leave, we would have been celebrating last weekend. We had a taco cart lined up to throw a combined graduation and good-bye party. They had a single person walk across the stage, one at a time (all day) ceremony. I don’t think that there was an all night party or baccalaureate or even the chance for a senior ‘skip’ day.
Today my oldest will cease to be a middle schooler and will be a high schooler. We have a ‘drive through’ promotion this afternoon. These are all events that I have very fond memories. Real or not, the feeling of accomplishment and the tingling unknown of what the next steps in life will look like have all been diminished a little bit this year.
I also have my own ‘graduation’. June 15 was supposed to be move in day for the apartment. I will have to do that one class in the summer, if you will. My apartment will not be ready by this weekend. Not because of anything I did, the bathroom contractor is behind. The current schedule is carpet tomorrow, window repair on Thursday. There is still the kitchen and some cleaning for my part to be move in ready.
So, for all of the online and drive through graduation ceremonies, here is my digital salute and congratulations to all of you graduates this year. I hope that you enjoy the moment and have fond memories of the year that sort of fizzled at the end. Know this, I am just as disappointed as you are because I feel like something was taken that you didn’t know you were going to have, a yearly reminder of that feeling of new beginnings.
Recent Comments