Tag: fathers

June 3, 2025 – I Never Would Have Pictured This

June 3, 2025 /

This saga has been going on for several years which I have referenced many times. The college coach (consultant) that we hired in 2023 was supposed to deliver us to the promised land of best schools, best price for my youngest son. He was hired on reference from others that got those kind of results. I am not going to bad talk but I will say that I don’t feel like the price was worth the results.

The only university that my son wanted to go to was Harvard. I knew that the reality was slim but then I found out that we would be on the hook for $80,000 per year and it was time for a new reality. I find this very hard to believe, but according to the consultant, students could not take out loans because they don’t have the credit or the income. Student loan debt is largely the parents these days.

What this really means is that the most debt that they can really incur is the federally backed debt which caps out at something like $7000/year. It also means that the ‘crushing debt’ that we keep hearing about is around $40,000. It is hardly something to snivel at but I have to say that it is less than the cost of the average new car. It is definitely too much for a barista salary but it isn’t that much more than the $25,000 my wife borrowed in the 1990s.

I want to point out the obvious that the education they are getting is not worth the cost that they are paying. Even what I would call a small amount of overall debt is considered ‘crushing’ by today’s graduating standards. The point of all that is that we could not afford Harvard. There were a number of Ivy League schools that my son applied for as well with his second choice being Brown. They all declined him and he was crushed.

This brought about a second round of applications which included a number of ‘safety schools’. Amongst the higher tiers of schools in the second round was Northwestern which did accept him. It didn’t matter now about the handful of other schools that had also accepted him, that is where he was going.

Before I get into the rest of the story, I have to throw into the politics of it all first. I have to say that watching my son apply to all of these schools that are front page news in their very public, political battle is somewhat sickening. Harvard, Columbia and Northwestern have been trying to assert their tax free, first amendment status to house and support radical behavior.

You should know me by now that by all means, fly your freak flag. But, don’t do it on my public money dime. I will continue to support my son, whichever institution that he chooses even if that means I am paying a school that ultimately flaunts their radical leanings. Consider that it allows me no greater position of influence (at this point).

It cannot be discounted that I have also done more for cultural understanding than most Americans. The exchange students that have been under our care have wanted to be here and have grown in caring and nurturing relationships. By all means, it is a privilege to be here just as I have acted legally and respectfully in the countries that I have visited. I do expect reciprocal treatment.

The old saying of “my right to swing my fists ends at your nose” cannot be truer. I do believe that the Bill of Rights are human rights regardless of what country you are from or what country you are in. That being said, just because you have the right to jump off the cliff doesn’t mean that you should do it. Further, if you do jump off a cliff don’t expect a lot of sympathy for the consequences. While I think that Harvard (or Northwestern) should be able to permit whatever the executive board tolerates, I for one am in favor of penalization when the mission of education is subverted into political grandstanding.

I never thought that I would have a sweatshirt that says anything ‘DAD’ on it. Yes, I am fifty and my two kids have graduated from high school. But always the gray man, I feel like the average person interprets that symbol as radical solidarity which cannot be anything farther from the truth. At the very least, it opens the door for that kind of conversation in public. For that reason I have not worn it yet.

End Your Programming Routine: My son has worked very hard as a straight A student throughout all school. He has skipped a grade, learned Mandarin and Spanish, took ten extra college correspondence classes and went a year in Taiwanese high school. He has earned the right to be proud of his achievements. He has also earned the right of his parents to be proud of his achievements even if I don’t agree with all of his choices.

April 25, 2023 – Where’s the Bunny?

April 25, 2023 /

This probably won’t play well. I say that because even though I took the picture, I have a hard time seeing the rabbit in the picture and I know it is there. Regardless, I have no problem making stuff up on the fly.

Back when life was good (just kidding), I drove my Mustang through a National Wildlife Refuge twice a day. Once on my way to work and once on my way home. This was a significant asset to me because it was nearly mid-way and it was really the only bathroom via outhouse after you leave the freeway and town. Driving that everyday, sometimes I would stop on the way home, because I could.

It was 2018 that the gates were closed and they remained closed until a few months ago. In the meantime, they tore down the outhouse and built an interpretive center. I don’t know what the hold-up on opening was, but I think Covid was part of it. I don’t commute every day but I still periodically drove by wondering what this fancy new structure looked like inside and what was actually there.

In the last year, we have become weekend babysitters. I wont get into the details now, but someone needs help and we can provide help. Sometimes, I end up having to be solo babysitter and I need things to do. I am not great at this and it does sometimes crimp my life on the things that I want to do.

I was babysitter this weekend and so I decided to take an excursion to the wildlife refuge. When I said wildlife refuge, I think the child thought that we were going to see animals everywhere. Of course, I knew better but how can you convince them when the mind is made up. There is a short little 1/2 mile path that we walked. It was pretty barren but I did see a rabbit in the bushes. So, we took a picture of it. Did you see it?

Listening to podcasts about children and the outdoors, you don’t want to push too hard. Fishing turns into a walk to the water and 15 minutes of pole time. Hunting turns into snacks and coloring. You have to think of this as an investment, it is going to take a while to yield some returns, especially with a five year old.

When we were around that age, we couldn’t wait to go out with dad. It was such an adventure. But, he could only handle one of us at once. When my brother got home he would regale me with tales of the woods and I would do the same on my weekends. It was a long day for a young child and I am sure that we didn’t add much to the experience for my day but it was those moments that made me who I am today.

My biggest fear is not seeing nothing but seeing nothing consistently. I want to gently lead a young child into this new world without making it a chore or a dread. Who knows… maybe this will lead to nothing, but maybe it will lead to a love of the outdoors. So, we will keep trying new a different things. I want to be entertained too.

End Your Programming Routine: Because it is spring, my mind really starts shifting to getting on the water and getting a few fishing outings in. I also end up being a sort of father figure to this child. So, it is the perfect opportunity to do both. I have to be prepared to fish for thirty minutes but it beats watching TV all day. That I cant do.

September 12, 2022 – Quality Family Time

September 12, 2022 /

Alone on the Friday of Labor Day weekend, I take some time to reflect on being a father and spending family time together. We spent most of our weekend at the beach as and extended family to honor my wife’s father. As promised in the podcast, the picture below is the view from our rented beach house. Pretty nice to have a full oceanfront view.

At the time that I recorded this, the weekend had just started (for me). It turned out to be a beautiful weekend and the worst days weather wise were in the past. You couldn’t ask for much better weather on the Oregon Coast.

End Your Programming Routine: For me, it is probably best to have some sort of outline before podcasting. As I listened to this for editing, I realized that I spent the most time talking about father’s imparting information to their children and less so on family time. Nevertheless, both are covered and I think that the entire podcast still contains useful information and transition context.

June 22, 2020 – Father’s Day and Leadership

June 22, 2020 /

Yesterday was a good day, for me. It started off early where I got up and started the smoker. Our lives are so noisy, that it is sometimes difficult to recognize and therefor enjoy the hour or so of quiet on a Sunday morning. I got the turkey on about seven and cleaned and organized the garage while I was tending the smoker. That was the trend for the whole day, lots of small things got completed, like finally getting my plants in the ground. I think that I am going to have twenty tomato plants and ten cabbages from the looks of the starts.

It very well might be unpopular in today’s society to consider the father the ‘leader’ of the family. But we all know that traditionally that was the case. I suppose that it is pretty fair to say that not all leaders are cut from the same cloth. Many happen to get the title because they were there, not necessarily on qualification. Unfortunately, that is true across many aspects of life, both business and fatherhood included.

I am pretty sure that if you are reading this, than you are at least aware enough for self-reflection and interested in personal development. Evaluating the trend of today’s relativistic and hedonistic culture, I am concerned for the future. I am the last person that is going to preach or tell someone what to do. I am a libertarian anarchist after all.

So, knowing my opinions and thoughts you might be able to anticipate how I would approach the issues, lead by example first. I have said it before, freedom requires free will and choice. To me that also means some people are unfortunately not going to make the cut. They will willingly make the wrong choices. I am at peace with that, what I need to work on a more is acceptance through continued interaction (to lead by example).

This week’s questions are as follows

  • Where do you find protection, support and leadership in your life?
  • What is one thing that you can do to develop leadership this week?

If you are following along, you can tell that these weeks are all sort of intermingling. I believe that is by design. I have know this for some time now, but as I shared in our group yesterday that my healthiest levels of leadership were when I also had some sort of mentorship at the same time.

I believe that it is part of why I got to the point of leaving my job. I felt a tremendous amount of stress, I was unable to forgive perceived (or real) transgressions of the past and I had no level of mentorship or advocacy within my company. My team loved me and half left within three months of me, but everyone needs support and I didn’t have it.

Looking at the questions, the person that is in that role for me is my wife. That seems proportionately correct. However, when it came to things like my last job we had strong disagreements about whether I should quit my job without having a replacement. In the end, she was right that everything was OK and I am glad that I did at this point. That being said, one person cannot be all things.

For me, it seems like I need to increase the size of my social circle and seek mentorship as part of my self improvement journey. Those two may not be mutually exclusive but may come in the same package. I don’t know if I can realistically do all that in one week, but I have taken the time to identify that problem and will keep an eye out.