Maybe there is something about me that old people like to talk to. I have heard stories from my wife’s grandparents that she has never heard. That being said, this story is not one of them. But, it is quite a bit out there as in unbelievable. Believe it or not, but this is the story of my wife’s paternal grandfather who had all the kids and was also the first birthday in what I call ‘Birthday Week’.
Tag: family
May 15, 2025 – The Luck of the Draw
It definitely remains a fact that we had a great experience while hosting an exchange student in 2019-20. We have subsequently been to Spain as a family and in a few weeks we are hosting his family here. I don’t know how many times we will go back and forth here but I am sure that the invitation is open for years to come. In a chance of fate, our former student will meet our current student in June.
It is also no secret that my son was an exchange student last year. One thing the Rotary strongly encourages is a one for one exchange meaning that we are on the short list to host given that our child was in the program. Due to many extenuating circumstances, including cancer we did not host last year.
One of the things that we have been wary about is that not every exchange experience is a good one. I have stories, trust me. I won’t go into at this time. But, then sometimes you have to take a chance. We did and it has been another good one.
For the sake of privacy, I won’t use his name or show his face. I will call him David as an alias. The photo above is on the way to prom. His date is a class mate that they have several interactions a day with.
It is weird from the standpoint that I have a high school Senior that chose not to go to the prom and then I have an exchange student that really wanted to go. Here I am being a father to a kid that I really don’t know that well. He was dealing with emotions and things that I am not really the best with and nobody else to really get advice from. My wife was in Las Vegas for a girls week, I was all alone in this.
Apparently, there is a little bit of a spark between the two. The first time I heard her name was several weeks earlier from another teenager when they were talking amongst themselves. David decided to go for it. But, he was extremely nervous. He didn’t sleep at night. He called his parents for more advice and then the next day she wasn’t at school. All that played over again and she said yes the day after.
David was on cloud nine. That night he was running around the house yelling and throwing his shirt around. He even poured himself a glass of milk, set it down and jumped up and down promptly spilling his milk (Sshhh… mom doesn’t know, we cleaned it up).
Trying to communicate courting norms to a person that does not speak the language perfectly is challenging. For instance, it is customary to match your accessories to the dress. Not knowing the young lady, we had to rely on him to interpret our message and communicate with her to get this ironed out. It was also very late into the game so we had two days to get the flowers ordered. And because he was gone the rest of the week on a Rotary trip, I had to pick up the flowers and go get David early so that he could get back to prom on time.
There were a number of other things that we had to work our way through to make prom happen. That being said, we did it and he was happy, very happy. Truth be told, I am glad that everything went right and I feel more appreciated by someone that was grateful for the kind of help that we provided. Had it been my own kids, I would have definitely expected some kind of attitude to go along with the preparation. I have a feeling that they would have wanted me to pay for everything and stay out of the rest.
Prom aside, David has taken to doing something that I would consider odd. If I see him when he leaves to go somewhere, he walks out the door saying ‘Love You’. The first time I heard it, I was taken aback. Part of me wonders if he knows what he is saying or at least the context. My boys don’t do that so that makes me wonder if he really does know what he is saying.
It really did get me thinking about things. To host an exchange student really does require a love. It is of course not a romantic love and it is not really an unconditional love that children get. But it is a love a kid that is totally vulnerable and largely alone navigating a foreign land out of faith alone that some people are looking out for his best interest. I have to say that it is totally humbling.
End Your Programming Routine: There is no doubt that we are on the hosting hot sheet. I always imagined that that hosting was a family activity with kids in the home. But, the truth of the matter is that most Rotary hosts are empty nesters. It would seem a little strange to me given that all of my exchange experiences have been with minors in the home but maybe that is what keeps us young. I know that we will probably take a break but I wouldn’t be surprised that this isn’t the last.
May 12, 2025 – Reflections on 20 Years of Parenthood
Parenting can feel like a bull ride sometimes. If you draw the easy one then you might hang on but miss the style points. If you get the hard one, it might kill you. Hang on and do the best you can. My family dynamic is about to to change with graduation coming up in less than a month. As such, I talk about things that occur on that journey and analyze options.
November 27, 2023 – In Plain Sight
This is a story about living my whole life with a narrative without realizing or knowing the truth. There is nothing inherently bad or evil, just simply people that want to be who they want without judgement or disagreement. I won’t say that everyone involved wasn’t hurt or didn’t know the actual truth, but I think circumstantially, it is understandable.
October 1, 2021 – It is Opening Weekend of Deer Season and I am Going Fishing
Let’s hope that caps the week of food with more food. When I was a kid, I was so excited for opening weekend of deer season. When I was a teenager, I used to dream of when I was older, I could spend more time in the woods. Now that I am here, I hope to get out once in the season. This isn’t going to be the weekend for hunting but I will spend some time with my family fishing.
I talked about this a few weeks ago when I was talking about the decline of the outdoorsman. While my dad didn’t spend months straight in the woods, we did split hunting and fishing about equally. He always has owned a boat and we would go out at least once a year. He would take a fishing trip with his friends usually around Father’s Day. We used to go salmon fishing as kids. So, I like fishing too.
Since my dad has retired, we have been applying for draw tags in eastern Oregon. We get them about every three years. Since we won last year, this year we didn’t and decided to go fishing instead. I have applied every year for the last ten years. But I have only gone one time even though we have gotten tags three times. We did get his rifle sighted in last Friday however.
When I left my job in South Carolina, I moved back to Oregon and joined the company that my dad had worked his entire career. I remember talking with my uncle and he said “That’s great. Now you can have lunch together every day.” I remember feeling a little guilty that I barely saw him, let alone had lunch. And to some degree, I carry some of that guilt today. We live about twenty minutes apart and yet it will frequently be months in-between talking.
I do believe that the quote “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” applies here. But I can’t help and think that there isn’t something slightly wrong with me. If I get truly personal, I am overwhelmed by the size and volume of my wife’s family and when I am not in that I want my personal space.
The events over the last six weeks have definitely had an impact on me. I have seen my parents aging, I have seen the slight decline in physical ability and I know that the horizon is in view. It definitely has gotten me thinking about trying to spend more quality time while I have the chance to do it and I need to be more aware of the signs of decline.
My brother, dad and uncle left yesterday. Me being a single parent right now, I couldn’t swing the time off, I was hoping to leave tonight. but my kids have to play pep band at the football game tonight. So, we will have to settle for Saturday and Sunday. We didn’t do any family camping this year and I have never gone with my kids and without my wife but I am really looking forward to it.
End Your Programming Routine: I don’t really care if we catch any fish although I think it is likely we will. The weather is supposed to be pleasant and I have a good time with that crew. The point of this is to spend some time together doing something we enjoy. It is looking like next weekend is out, but I am still going to get some time in the woods this season before it ends.
June 1, 2021 – Happy Birthday Mom
It has been a few days. Last week was a somewhat busy and hard week. I did little on my project and little on most of anything else. It seemed like stuff kept coming up that got in the way.
Now that the season has shifted towards summer, my focus and dynamics tend to change a bit. A lot of it is making sure that the different plants get some attention so that they can make it another year. I also have noticed through the years that life is busier when the weather gets nicer. For instance, how many people are walking on the sidewalk at 8pm in January? Not many.
At least, over the weekend I was able to buy the majority of the materials to finish my project. All that is really left to buy is finishes, like paint. I also spent a couple hours completing the blocking and framing so I am ready to start the drywall. I had some landlord obligations this weekend and we had a family gettogether yesterday. I washed my pickup for the first time in several years as well.
Today is my mom’s birthday, 70 in fact. That means that she was born in 1951. It is interesting to think about how much has changed in a lifetime. That puts her smack in the heart of the baby boom generation. Born in the idyllic 1950’s, coming of age for Vietnam and the draft and then peaking in the 80s and 90s. Not being there personally, other than maybe attitudes and opinions, I don’t think life was that much different in the 1950s versus the 1970s when I was born.
My dad did some travel when we were young and they weren’t trips where he was home on the weekend. Sometimes, he would be gone for a month before he came back home, so we spent a fair amount of time alone. From my perspective, I don’t really remember much about those days other than it seemed normal.
I think the family dynamic is different and personal. My brother for instance has a largely strained relationship with my mom while my sister’s is fairly close. I fall somewhere in the middle where I see both sides. If we look at characteristic traits, I inherited some of my most distinct views from my mom. Things like frugality, reading, independence, faith and probably some emotional distance are attributable to her.
I can’t say that there is any one particular thing but if I speculate, maybe my brother feels like the middle child and that he wasn’t the first or the favored. We didn’t exactly have a typical 80s-90s childhood, but it was far from being horrible. We lived out in the country and my family didn’t spend money unless it was necessary. I did get my entire college paid for (he got four years paid for), we had annual family vacations and trips and were selectively involved in extra curricular activities.
I think where I fall on the spectrum is that I have come to embrace my individuality. I do need to watch to make sure that some points don’t push into the unhealthy side of my own relationships. It can be a struggle sometimes with my wife being the complete opposite of me but I tend to believe that it brings a balance to life. I can embrace the parts of me that are unique while monitoring that my personality doesn’t squash emotion.
We are having a family dinner tonight thanks to my sister organizing it. I think that it is going to be nice, we have a good time when we are all together. I think the last time that happened was Christmas 2019. Although we are getting together in three weeks again for a family trip.
As I got to know my grandfather (my mom’s dad) later in life, it was definitely worth it. He told me numerous times, that he wanted to have relationships with his family. As much as he said that he wanted it, he didn’t really try to create one. It was more us making the effort. We rarely spent time when we were young with him as he was divorced and my step grandmother had her own family all from before I was born.
It makes me at least understand that my vision of relationship is colored by my experience while my wife would say the same thing which is a whole different perspective. This is all to say that this whole thing is complicated difficult to put into categories. Forget all of that for now, tonight we celebrate.
End Your Programming Routine: I don’t think that I did a real good job with this one, I started out with Happy Birthday and degenerated into dissecting family dynamics. I guess that what I was trying to get across is that you are a product of your environment, but it doesn’t have to define your relationships, happiness or future. The one constant with this is to continue to analyze your thoughts and behavior and do what you can to learn and become better from your experiences.
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