Tag: exchange student

May 29, 2025 – Doing My Duty

May 29, 2025 /

We have probably had more than the average number of exchange students. Since I have been married, we have hosted four. When I was a kid, we had two. I guess that I cannot technically count those two but I can add those to the numbers that I have been exposed to. With the exception of one, the rest have been very positive experiences.

My very first exchange student was Japanese and he was a year or two older than me. This was a short term exchange which I think that it lasted three weeks. One of the things having a short term exchange does is kind of move you to bring out your best. That means travelling to see the local sights, festivals and all the things that you wouldn’t normally try to do in a condensed time frame.

I distinctly remember going to visit my grandfather. He was going to be in the local parade with his 1957 convertible Ford Thunderbird. We didn’t visit that often and we rarely went to the local lamb festival. I think that we went twice in my lifetime, both of them as a child. But, we happened to have our exchange student with us when we went.

As I said above, we didn’t visit often maybe once or twice a year was pretty typical. His house happened to be adjacent to the main North/South rail line. Consequently, my most favorite thing to do when we visited was to put pennies on the rail for when the train came by. Most of them flew off somewhere never to be found again but usually we would get a couple smashed flat.

My grandfather knew how to show a good time. Our exchange student got to drive his Thunderbird in the pasture for ten minutes. Then he broke out his 22 revolver. We all got to shoot a couple of shots but none of us got to shoot much. That was my first time shooting a handgun. My father did not own any, nobody did as far as I remember. Come to find out that those were all violations of the hosting rules.

I knew better, so that when we went to the informational meeting for our year long student (2019), I asked. No risky behavior is permitted and shooting is considered risky behavior. That was the year that I got involved in trap shooting, so that was going to be off the table.

In my experience, that general rule of no risky behavior is pretty par for the course with most exchange programs. Ironically, it is not the case with Rotary. They allow culturally acceptable alcohol use and shooting as examples. Many of the students end up going back to their country and going back to school with this year not counted whatsoever in their education pathway. My experience with Rotary is that they don’t even really get involved when the student is failing classes.

We have had a very busy spring. Myself, I didn’t even get to the range for the first time this year until late April. It is not like I didn’t want to go but I was hyper-focused on my hiking earlier so I deprioritized potential range time. But, we are staring down the barrel of my exchange student’s departure within less than thirty days. So, I wanted to take him while there was still time.

One thing that is quintessential American is recreational shooting. Many countries have some sort of mechanism to own firearms. In most cases, owners need to fulfill very stringent requirements such a by permit only. Firearms need to be stored at a range or hunting club that you belong to and to be used at said facility. To top that off, many have a quota for the numbers that can be in your possession.

At least there is a way but lets say that you were a target shooter, it is not likely then that could both target shoot and hunt. The freedom to have 22LR for target shooting and a 22LR for small game hunting and a 22LR handgun for shooting cans in three different settings is almost impossible. Hence, I have not been exposed to an exchange student that comes themselves from a ‘gun culture’. Even if I did, I would still probably take them to the range just so that they see the differences.

We had a fun couple of hours. I had made some repairs to a revolver from my last trip. I wanted to see how I did and I am happy to report that the repairs were solid. I also took a rifle to get just plink away at ground spinning targets just for fun. There were a lot of smiles and a lot of videos that got made that day. One thing that I didn’t want to do was punish with a lot of recoil.

End Your Programming Routine: I guess that I am getting older. I enjoy going out and shooting but it is almost more fun to introduce someone to something new. Since I can shoot almost any time, I just sat back on a chair and watched as he and my son shot and reloaded and shot and reloaded. Don’t get me wrong, doing stuff repetitively can get a little boring. This is why I have introduced the chronographs and testing that I do. But when I get a chance to watch someone have some fun, maybe for the only time in their lives, that is priceless.

May 15, 2025 – The Luck of the Draw

May 15, 2025 /

It definitely remains a fact that we had a great experience while hosting an exchange student in 2019-20. We have subsequently been to Spain as a family and in a few weeks we are hosting his family here. I don’t know how many times we will go back and forth here but I am sure that the invitation is open for years to come. In a chance of fate, our former student will meet our current student in June.

It is also no secret that my son was an exchange student last year. One thing the Rotary strongly encourages is a one for one exchange meaning that we are on the short list to host given that our child was in the program. Due to many extenuating circumstances, including cancer we did not host last year.

One of the things that we have been wary about is that not every exchange experience is a good one. I have stories, trust me. I won’t go into at this time. But, then sometimes you have to take a chance. We did and it has been another good one.

For the sake of privacy, I won’t use his name or show his face. I will call him David as an alias. The photo above is on the way to prom. His date is a class mate that they have several interactions a day with.

It is weird from the standpoint that I have a high school Senior that chose not to go to the prom and then I have an exchange student that really wanted to go. Here I am being a father to a kid that I really don’t know that well. He was dealing with emotions and things that I am not really the best with and nobody else to really get advice from. My wife was in Las Vegas for a girls week, I was all alone in this.

Apparently, there is a little bit of a spark between the two. The first time I heard her name was several weeks earlier from another teenager when they were talking amongst themselves. David decided to go for it. But, he was extremely nervous. He didn’t sleep at night. He called his parents for more advice and then the next day she wasn’t at school. All that played over again and she said yes the day after.

David was on cloud nine. That night he was running around the house yelling and throwing his shirt around. He even poured himself a glass of milk, set it down and jumped up and down promptly spilling his milk (Sshhh… mom doesn’t know, we cleaned it up).

Trying to communicate courting norms to a person that does not speak the language perfectly is challenging. For instance, it is customary to match your accessories to the dress. Not knowing the young lady, we had to rely on him to interpret our message and communicate with her to get this ironed out. It was also very late into the game so we had two days to get the flowers ordered. And because he was gone the rest of the week on a Rotary trip, I had to pick up the flowers and go get David early so that he could get back to prom on time.

There were a number of other things that we had to work our way through to make prom happen. That being said, we did it and he was happy, very happy. Truth be told, I am glad that everything went right and I feel more appreciated by someone that was grateful for the kind of help that we provided. Had it been my own kids, I would have definitely expected some kind of attitude to go along with the preparation. I have a feeling that they would have wanted me to pay for everything and stay out of the rest.

Prom aside, David has taken to doing something that I would consider odd. If I see him when he leaves to go somewhere, he walks out the door saying ‘Love You’. The first time I heard it, I was taken aback. Part of me wonders if he knows what he is saying or at least the context. My boys don’t do that so that makes me wonder if he really does know what he is saying.

It really did get me thinking about things. To host an exchange student really does require a love. It is of course not a romantic love and it is not really an unconditional love that children get. But it is a love a kid that is totally vulnerable and largely alone navigating a foreign land out of faith alone that some people are looking out for his best interest. I have to say that it is totally humbling.

End Your Programming Routine: There is no doubt that we are on the hosting hot sheet. I always imagined that that hosting was a family activity with kids in the home. But, the truth of the matter is that most Rotary hosts are empty nesters. It would seem a little strange to me given that all of my exchange experiences have been with minors in the home but maybe that is what keeps us young. I know that we will probably take a break but I wouldn’t be surprised that this isn’t the last.

August 15, 2023 – How to Entertain an Exchange Student

August 15, 2023 /

I guess that we have become exchange student hosts. For me, it goes way back to my youth where we first hosted a Japanese exchange student for a couple of weeks. A few years later, we had a French exchange student. Later in my married life, we had another Japanese exchange student for a few weeks. Then we had our Spanish exchange student for a year 2019-2020. And finally, we sent off our German exchange student a couple weeks ago (with my son).

It is hard to build connection when they are only with you a couple of weeks. Generally speaking we have lost touch with all of our short term students. Granted those were all pre-social media experiences. I am relatively sure that we have a lifetime bond with our Spanish student. It is because we were able to spend enough time to really build a relationship. Since he left, we have visited Spain and he has visited us.

I am not sure how I feel like hosting without kids. Plenty of people do it; we are already on the Rotary hit list for the next long term exchange. This year didn’t work out because the targeted student has pet allergies and one of the program coordinators is a veterinarian. But kids are able to relate at their level. They often have the same schedule (like summer vacations) and are likely open to showing off to make a new buddy.

When we were kids, we didn’t have a lot of means but we had kid ingenuity. We built forts, picked blackberries, rode bicycles around, shot basketball and sword fought with sticks. Our French student was a Boy Scout so he joined us for a week at summer camp. Those weeks really flew by and it was over before we knew it.

Our second Japanese exchange student had daily classes. That meant that we had to take her to school during the week so that part kind of took care of itself. But, what would you do if you only had three weeks to provide a crash course in your culture? Easy, do what you do.

First of all, all those kitschy or things you have seen a million times are new to an exchange student. So, while on any given weekend you may not pick these places spend your time, they are easy targets. For instance, we usually plan a trip to the beach which is only an hour away. A whale watching trip is $25/person and two hours long. That makes it economically approachable and even the motion sensitive people can bear that duration. And even if people are from some tropical location, our beach is very different.

Speaking of different. you usually get some sort of profile before accepting the student. It is a good if you can match some of your entertaining with their interests. If they like hiking, you can walk the dog around the neighborhood if you are not a hiker, but it is pretty likely you can find some sort of short arboretum trail or city park. If you interest are congruent, you need to consider that these are kids. I wouldn’t recommend a two week backpacking trip because you don’t know if their idea of hiking matches your hard core pursuit.

McDonald’s is not the novelty it used to be. I remember that we got a tour at the local McDonald’s with our first exchange student but now it is really everywhere in the world. Culinary experiences are great gateways however. Have them help cook, pick berries or even just suggest recipes that you can try to make. I also suggest planning meals that bring out Americana like barbeque and fruit pies. Since I like to cook, I am up for anything but I also try to focus on things that I think are American (or Mexican because my wife is Latino).

I would highly recommend not always cooking at home nor eating out. You want a mix of what is a restaurant experience and what is a home experience. When our Spanish student came a month or so ago, he had a list of all the places that he wanted to eat. Sadly, nothing on his list was our food, but it sure made the busy time go easier.

If permitted, I like to play into the world stereotype. A lot of people have visions of America being cowboys, especially in the west. That is running around and shooting things. Most programs have restrictions against any kind of risk behavior (this is for insurance reasons). But the Rotary does not. So we went on a boys camping trip that featured some target shooting. This is one of the few things that is nearly uniquely American.

Go to the Friday night concert in the park or the county fair. It is not all about creating one of a kind, whiz-bang experiences but the ability to compare and contrast what they think of pizza versus what we think it is. Especially sensory experiences such as food leave lifetime impressions whereas the history of the Alamo gets forgotten within months. Don’t not do the Alamo if it is close and convenient but just know that they are not likely recall every detail.

End Your Programming Routine: The Rotary program says don’t go out of your way to pack every day with fun. Do what you do. That being said, I would say that you want to try and make things a little special. A couple road trips and some local events provide a well rounded peak in a short term exposure. Hosting an exchange student is a very enriching process and I highly encourage doing it.

April 16, 2020 – ‘non-Tacticool’ and Emotional Thursday

April 16, 2020 /

Sorry guys, I am not feeling it today. I can tell by stats that this is not my most popular subject heading as I get low views on Thursdays. But, this is a special one in many ways.

One year ago today, I walked away from a six figure and very stable job. This was my last day of work. I did this to find myself and maybe to save my life from potential self-destructive behavior. I have enjoyed my time so much and I have personally accomplished so many things this year. One of the commitments we made before I left my job was to host an exchange student for the year.

August 25, 2019 we welcomed Sergio at the airport an embarked on an adventure that you cant put a price on. It was supposed to be an academic year of sharing and nurture ending as these programs do with graduation, pomp and circumstance. But, the ending was not our destined path. This morning at 4AM PDT we said our final goodbyes to Sergio with a heavy heart.

We have had other exchange students, kids and guests in our lives. This adventure started as many others do. We did the whirlwind State Fair, trip to the beach, family meet and greets, etc. He was probably glad when school started a short two weeks after arrival to get some reprieve from our crushing tour of hospitality.

I would be remiss to not mention a super emotional beginning when our beloved Snowflake (English Retriever, ~7YO), suddenly died of heat exhaustion on a short stroll in the local woodland trail. We were bonded by trips to the veterinarian ER and euthanizing end. There was a lot of emotion from all of us, including someone that had only been with us a week. I think it galvanized this new unit from the beginning.

I can only imagine what life for him was like; a new country, a new school, a different language, no friends and the like. Life soon settled down into a routine of football games, school activities and new experiences. As we headed toward mid-year, Sergio found his stride and was very involved in the local theater production of ‘Modern Millie’. It was that event that he really found his direction.

As the play was wrapping up in late February, we started getting inklings that the situation would be turning in an un-anticipated direction. Washington was reporting the first cases of COVID-19. My sister is heavily embedded in the situation as she is a doctor in the public health department in Washington. I inquired about the severity of this because I knew that if it was happening there it would be here shortly.

It didn’t take long and the domino’s started falling. My wife’s office closed for six weeks and school was put on a two week hiatus. One of those weeks included Spring Break so not a huge deal. Toward the middle of Spring Break, April was removed from the school calendar. We started to see all of the other exchange students leaving and our program ended as well. We were urged to send Sergio home. We had the option to ride it out as long as school resumption was a possibility and had several conversations with his parents to make the right decision.

About one week ago, it was decided that school was done for the year. All seniors in good standing were dismissed and would receive a diploma for time spent. That meant that his visa was technically over and it was time to officially leave.

Sergio, Aaron and Elijah at Disneyland

He was such a good influence on my kids. He was a playmate and responsible role model. He reinforced our rules and pitched in whenever asked, many times not even asking but understanding the expectations. I think that we all appreciated a different dynamic that this relationship brought.

In many ways, we had something we would have never had if this had been a normal year. We had a solid month of quality family time. We played games, planted flowers, taught lessons in cooking, watch movies and TV series, made videos and laughed. I suppose that the regrets of what we wanted to do to finish the year crept in and certainly the premature ending was abrupt. This was a journey bookended by emotional events with a lot of good stuff in between.

It is time for new beginnings for all of us. I have kept a lid on job searches so as to make sure that Sergio would finish his year with the family that made a commitment to him in January 2019. Now school is out until next fall, it is really time to make some different life choices for me and I can consider relocation if need be.

I am going to miss having him around.