Tag: Empathy

December 12, 2023 – Using Our Gifts

December 12, 2023 /

If you listened to my podcast on Wednesday last week then you would know that there has been tragedy in the extended family. I still don’t know many details and if or when I do, I am not sure that I am going to reveal them here. Today is not about that but because of that.

Now, a quick timeline of events for context. November 28th (Monday) I finished work and had a doctor’s appointment. I went up to remind my wife and she asked me to pick up our niece from elementary school. Her daycare was closing early because of an accident to her child. The next day, I only worked a few hours because it was my grandmother’s funeral. My wife stayed back with her family. I called in late afternoon to check-in, I was going to go out to eat with my family after all of the services. My wife said ‘It is bad… really bad. He didn’t make it, in fact it wasn’t an accident but he was shot to death.’

By the time I came home from dinner, my wife was drinking with her cousin. This one event spun her into an emotional free for all. I would say that she was paralyzed by sadness and empathy for the remainder of the week. I don’t know why God made her the way that he did. I also don’t know why God made me the way that I did. I felt dull and detached but I couldn’t empathize with paralyzing grief,

I am no good in these situations. I could be the one delivering the news in a non-emotional manner, not the one comforting people that are nearly out of their minds. I don’t know what to say. Is it appropriate to touch? Should I converse or stay aloof? What if I say the wrong thing? I have no problem with small talk, but I feel like this is not the place or situation for such things. I just don’t know, you might say that I am paralyzed by human interaction.

I do know that God gave me the gift of action though. I took action on building a roadside cross. It is now painted white and waiting until we are informed of the actual site (that information is being withheld as part of the investigation). I wanted a wood that would last as close as forever so I had a cedar railing post that I have held onto for 15 years.

I did all the joinery and built it with care. I don’t want anyone thinking that I didn’t put my full talent and energy into my form of contribution. I filled the gaps and sanded it smooth. I wanted the cross to be as perfect as I could make it. Finally, I spray painted and painted and painted some more until the surface was glossy smooth.

End Your Programming Routine: God made us different so that we could be the best at whatever gift he gave us. I am not the worlds best woodworker but I also could focus on building this piece of peace without the emotional torment that others had. And I suppose that if we were all the comforting type, who would be there to build the cross? So, I will end where I started. I don’t know why I am the way I am but I hope that the way I am can bring it’s own comfort.

August 12, 2020 – Empathy, still working on that one

August 12, 2020 /

It is interesting that my wife and I are on two different sides of this spectrum. You might say that she is so empathetic, it hurts and I am so non-empathetic, it hurts. Yesterday, we were leaving a burial of a family friend and we were talking about emotions. She was aching for the families’ pain and I don’t really know how to express it.

It was a Catholic service and in there tradition, a meal following the service almost always follows. We talked about our preference to work in the kitchen and serve rather than intermingle and socialize. Because both of our emotions are a bit paralytic in those circumstances on completely opposite sides of the spectrum.

There may be a principal at work here. If you start paying attention, then you start hearing things as they apply to you. It sure seems like these series of sermons are coming right at me. They are right to the weak parts of my being. I drew out the points in the sermon for quick reference below.

  • What do we do with other peoples pain
  • Don’t race past God’s pace
  • Driven in the vision

Certainly one and two speak directly to me and my circumstances. Maybe I am doing an OK job with number three. It seems like my writing might be part of my being sent (even if no one is reading 🙂 ). I suppose one of the solutions to building better empathy is more frequent and intense prayer; also not something I have been diligent about.

Having conversations with Ben, another part of being sent is hosting a small group. This experience has been way more therapeutic than I ever imagined. I guess that it just goes to show that a leap of faith and stretching your comfort zone can pay dividends. It has definitely made me dwell much more frequently on the word and looking at my actions through a different light, hopefully better. This has definitely been a year of new experiences in life. So, here are this week’s questions.

  • How do you grieve with those who grieve? Who is in your heart?
  • What might be holding you back from being sent by Jesus into the community?