Tag: aging

May 23, 2024 – Fifty for 50

May 23, 2024 /

I might regret mentioning this today. I hope that it is part of my accountability mechanism. But, I have always wanted to do a multi-day hike on the Pacific Crest Trail. I hadn’t made rank to participate on the one hike that we did when I was in Boy Scouts. I always imagined that I would be this rampant outdoorsman when I grew up. That hasn’t quite proven to be true.

When I was 39, my wife cajoled me into running a half marathon. Her idea was that we should be more fit at 40 than we were at thirty. I procrastinated as much as I could but I ended up running a half marathon at 41. I was definitely in pretty good shape at that time.

Before all of this cancer business, my wife said that she would like to run another marathon at fifty. This time I said no. But it did get me thinking that I am really running out of time to do a serious hike. I am calling this fifty at fifty because I am planning on going at least fifty miles on the PCT next year.

I have no real idea at this point what the plan is going to be. I am thinking that I am going to do the southern oregon portion for several reasons. The first being that there are no permits required to hike it. The second is that Ashland is a logical terminus for the hike. My wife loves Ashland (were we met and went to college) so I already have a shuttle driver. Doing a week duration, hike I should be able to carry what I need without resupplying.

At this point, my biggest concern is being dramatically out of shape. I have unfortunately noticed my weight skyrocket since leaving my job as an Amazon delivery driver. At almost 50, I can’t just turn it on like I could at 20. It is going to take some time to get in shape which is why I am starting now.

I remember at 16, my shoulders aching from the pack. I am mentally preparing myself for the age appropriate penalty for carrying a pack. And for that reason, I will not only need to get in cardio-vascular shape but also weight bearing work. It means that I need to take some test hikes as well as exercise with my pack on.

I have all of the the 1980s – 1990s era gear that I need. I used to use my pack every month when I was that age. That being said, I may want to make some upgrades. But to start out, I think I want to “run what I brung”. This will also be part of the test regimen.

End Your Programming Routine: This is all subject to how things go with treatment. If it turns out that I can really make a go of getting fit, then I will likely make it happen. Otherwise it will probably be an abort but not forever. I am realistically running out of daylight with my physical ability, meaning I cant wait for retirement to do this. Expect periodic updates here on how it is going. I am pursuing a dream.

March 21, 2024 – Don’t Know What You Got (Till It’s Gone)

March 21, 2024 /

I have been incredibly blessed in my life. But I don’t really appreciate it. I have had some perspective to be able to see the mirror but it is so hard to grasp it. For instance, I have never broken a bone. I have never been admitted to the emergency room, I don’t take any maintenance medicines and I don’t need glasses to see.

For some strange reason, I hear songs in my head. I was thinking about titling this something like ‘You cant lose what you never had’ and then this song came into my mind. I started listening and writing.

This started out as a story about my vision. I went to the eye doctor recently because my vision seems to be rapidly getting worse. Now, I go to the eye doctor a lot because both of my parents have glaucoma and I have been ‘glaucoma suspect’ for all of my life. In fact, I gave my son that gift as well.

It is not the effects of glaucoma that I am suffering, it is the effects of age. I am comfortable with the monitoring that is happening and all of my numbers are stable. I was buying spray paint in the fall and I was trying to read the label for the coverage area in a can. I could not read the text. I finally gave up and bought two cans.

The other night, my wife asked me to read the tag on a piece of clothing. I couldn’t make out the letters. It looked like a jumbled mass. My son said, “it’s upside down.” Well no wonder, but I didn’t recognize it.

My vision is generally good. I don’t really need glasses to see. They help a lot in low light and small text up close. I have had glasses for several years that I try to wear when I work. But, I have been very poor about doing it religiously. Last week, I noticed at the end of the day I was worn out, like I just wanted a nap. I thought it was just me sitting in front of the computer all day, but it turns out that when I didn’t have my glasses on I would end the day fatigued.

I am going to have a lot to say about this topic coming up in the near future, just not today. But, having been a spouse to person having life-threatening medical issues, it makes a person realize that we don’t appreciate health when we have it. I don’t carry my glasses to the store to read labels because I never needed to before. It was actually a shock that I couldn’t read the writing. I didn’t know what to do.

It is hard for me to write with this perspective, because I don’t really have it. But, lots of people have glasses. I feel like, if your vision has been bad for all of your life, you don’t give it a second thought that vision correction is necessary to function. When you have never needed it, it is kind of humbling to realize that you are at that point.

End Your Programming Routine: Health is one of those few areas that most of us have a similar journey. Unless you are taken out in an accident or something pre-maturely, we are all going to have issues that we have never had before. I would like to find a way to appreciate those things without having to lose them. I just don’t know if it is in our nature. Maybe the way we appreciate it is that we don’t have to worry about it?

October 9, 2023 – How to Keep From Getting Old

October 9, 2023 /

I think that we all want to be comfortable. It’s OK to take advantage of the experience that we have hard earned. After all, why not benefit from the work we have done? It’s not OK to never learn anything again. I know, it is hard to step outside when it is cold and raining and do the hard work but it is necessary for us to continue to push boundaries and keep trying if we want to stay young.

May 25, 2023 – Senioritis?

May 25, 2023 /

Thirty years ago at this time, the word had a different meaning. I was in my last weeks of high school and looking forward to new adventures. I was ready to get my life started which meant starting college after summer break. It was time to move on.

I remember running track and counting the days of school left. Everything seemed so pointless to keep marking the days until graduation. Everybody knew that the brakes were off at school. I had no illusions of placing at districts and track wasn’t going anywhere. I had nothing left to prove just wait my time.

I never really had any close bonds in my graduating class. Consequently, with my aversion to social media I never really kept up with anybody. I just realized that this is my thirty year reunion. I didn’t give ten or twenty years a thought, probably wont with this either since my position is still the same and it falls on my wife’s birthday. But it does say something, time is marching on.

Today, Senioritis might have a different meaning. I have a son that will be a senior next school year. My younger son is going to be gone all year on exchange to Taiwan. When he comes back, he will also be a senior. To be honest, I am looking forward to the their transition’s into adulthood.

It would be no secret to those that know me that my wife and I have different ideas about parenting. These high school years have been very hard on those differences. There has been conflict between us like never before and it is all because I feel strongly one way and she does the other. I won’t delve deep into the psychology or details of it but I will say that I am ready for the calm.

This isn’t about right or wrong. I can definitely see her side of things but it doesn’t mean that I am going to agree with it. To be clear, I am not saying that I want them to fly the coop and never to be seen again. No, but I am tired of cleaning up after them, yelling about the same things day after day, trying to reason with attitude and be the peacemaker between them. It is time to grow up.

I am treading a little bit dangerous here because I don’t want to go too deep into our relationship. But, I think it is safe to say that my wife wants to hold on as long as possible. I on the other hand am ready for them to experience real life lessons in the safest possible fashion. Money doesn’t grow on trees so when you break your phone or need to pay for car insurance plus rent plus food plus hundreds of dollars in ‘school clothes’ that doesn’t come easily or without sacrifice.

I am already funding two open ended airplane tickets abroad this summer, plus my wife is going on a three week trip to Europe as well. Now one of my son’s is asking to go on a one week trip to a high school trip across the country. What ever happened to pooling gas money together to get a ride to the next town? We have the money for all of that but I do remember those days of bribing rides by paying extra gas money. I think that was a rite of passage and character building. You didn’t take experiences for granted.

My new definition of Senioritis is moving into the post child rearing years. I do not really want to get old, but it beats the alternative. My kids will find their own balance. I don’t think that it will be what they currently think it is. And that is OK, it is part of the process. We will still be there to support them, we just won’t be or feel responsible for them.

I would love to say that I can see retirement on the radar. When I was graduating High School, there were people in their early 50s that were retiring. For me, that is only two to seven years. I can say this, that isn’t going to happen. It is more likely that I will work until I cant then to have a bunch of years in the retirement zone. Knowing that, it is imperative to get the most out of remaining years while health is still intact and everything seems so far away to improbable.

Recently, I find myself looking at small RVs and boats so that we can get out to fish on the weekend and get back to work during the week. That is likely going to be the flavor of my coming golden years. We are already talking about and looking at houses to move. Part of it is downsizing and part of it is to get out of here. I am feeling closed in in this town and state. My wife wants to move for different reasons but for both of us, they hinge on the kids becoming adults and making steps toward their own lives.

End Your Programming Routine: It bears repeating that I love this time of year. I love the hope that graduation represents. Many people like the winter holidays but I would argue that it is school ending is where everybody is happy and summer is just starting. Not only is there accomplishment from the year that was completed but there is a seemingly endless break before starting the next thing. It is exciting. It may seem like I was complaining but really I was expressing the factors that are pushing me to be ready for a change. I am ready to start my life (again) and I want to do it before I am too old to enjoy it.

March 29, 2022 – The Straw That Broke the Camel’s Back

March 29, 2022 /

I tried to do some research on the origin of the phrase and I couldn’t really suss out the meaning. I was trying to derive the significance of the Camel to the phrase. I did find out that this idiom has a long history which dates back to the 1700s and it has several variations from straw to feather and camel to donkey. It would appear that this is indicating a load bearing animal and it is one item too much.

Originally, I thought that I was going to title this the ‘fall that broke the camel’s wrist’ as a play on words for reasons that will become obvious later in this post. I was thinking that the camel was a stubborn animal and that it was more than just a plain, gruesome act. But it doesn’t seem so.

To say the least, this has been a difficult time since my father-in-law has died. I have written about this a little bit and for obvious reasons, not explicitly. To state it bluntly, my mother-in-law is dying, not capable of caring for herself and refusing to accept the situation. This has caused a strained relationship with her children and has driven wedges between my own marriage.

This is just a small flavor but she paid a down payment on a puppy. The children all agreed that this is a bad idea. My wife even spoke to the owner of the puppy not to sell the dog to a person that is living in a travel trailer and cannot walk more than a few yards un-assisted. I am sure we can all use our heads on what the possible problems are here. This lead to a huge blow-up where my wife blocked her mom and I had to become the middleman in constant conversation for two weeks. The words were nasty and hurtful.

That situation came to an end two weekends ago. They were all supposed to stay in a beach house for a week. My wife wanted nothing to do with her. My sister-in-law and her family didn’t want anything to do with her. I was supposed to drive my mother-in-law to the beach house but I couldn’t get ahold of her. A few hours later, I got a call that she had fallen and possibly broke her wrist. She was in the ER, already at the coast.

I told my wife and she unblocked her to communicate in the situation. They ended up spending the planned four days at the beach but that wasn’t easy either. I had multiple phone calls about how my mother-in-law was behaving and I don’t have words. I prayed.

I am not claiming to have a command of the best Christian behavior. Quite frankly, I would just as soon not have anything to do with her either. It would make my life a lot easier. But, that is not the way of Jesus. I certainly didn’t want to be the middleman or even try to get deeper into the situation. But, this is a time of need and our my beliefs would tell me to forgive the sinner.

I think that the broken wrist has made a thaw in the relationship. For one thing, we moved her into our apartment last weekend. The travel trailer is getting moved before the first and it will likely be her last night there. I haven’t had a direct conversation specifically, but I think it was a wakeup call that today is the best day that there will be.

Fifteen years ago, before podcasts I used to listen to Dave Ramsey a lot. One of his recommended books was Boudaries. I never got around to reading this book but I maybe it is not too late. I think we could all use some help in this situation.

End Your Programming Routine: From my observation, this is the reverse of raising a teen. They are trying to resolve the desire to become more grown-up and yet not quite ready. This situation is trying to get the person to realize that they cannot do the things they did even a year ago. It is hard and we have no legal standing to stop it in most cases. Keep all of us in your prayers.

August 26, 2021 – ‘Tacticool’ Thursday

August 26, 2021 /

Finally, there is something to report on and there are two stories on both ends of the spectrum. I will report on them probably in two different instances because there are some life lessons coming.

Last Friday, I took my dad to the range. He inherited a rifle from his uncle who was his lifelong sportsman’s partner. They hunted an fished together my dad’s whole life. And when I was a kid, I was there too. My great uncle Art didn’t have any children of his own so he kind of adopted my dad as a surrogate son.

Last year when I took my dad to the range, we started to take a look his newly inherited Winchester Model 100 .308. The first problem was that my dad had taken the scope off for some reason, I think he said to clean everything thoroughly. He took a couple of shots and it was no where near the target, so we tabled it for later as he needed a bore sight to get started.

Fast forward to this trip. The goal was to get that rifle sighted in and also to try some newly loaded 30-06 in a different rifle and make sure that rifle was sighted in as well. Last year, we had kind of left it in a ‘I think it is OK state’. We were going to see about getting it on the 50 yard target first and then move to the 100 yard target.

The first thing that happened was that when he pulled the trigger, nothing happened. Come to find out, there was no cartridge in the chamber. After some fiddling around, he got one in the chamber and fired. I saw no trace of it around the target or the ground. He fired again, I saw it hit the top of the 100 yard berm. I asked ‘Are you Sure you are aiming the the 50 yard target?’ He said yes. I had no way of knowing for sure, but I estimated that he was 12-24″ high (as you shoot over the 50 to hit the 100). A couple more shots and I saw one hole on the paper at the 100 yard target.

We did more adjusting and shooting, probably after 10 shots my dad suggested that I should try it as we were still nowhere close to getting on the target. I looked down the barrel and it was clearly pointed at the 100 yard target, not the 50. So we gave up, the rifle would need to be bore sighted and we would have to try another day.

Then we took out his other rifle, it was a more than 50 year old Remington 722 30-06. My dad had loaded some new rounds over the winter. After the first shot, the bolt got stuck and the cartridge casing got stuck in the rifle. Again more fiddling, and we got the case out. Long story long here but about every other shot we had a stuck cartridge case. I suggested that maybe we needed to table it and that I wasn’t confident that rifle should be used to for hunting until the sticking case situation could be understood better.

This isn’t a story to disparage my dad. But, between the hobbling out to get the targets or the bolt manipulation or the confusion at what target he was aiming at what I saw was that my dad was becoming elderly. I knew in my head that he is getting into his upper seventies now. But I really hadn’t seen the signs of the transition until this trip.

Hopefully, it happens to us all. But, it also means that I need to pay more attention to what is going on. I definitely get some of my stubbornness from him, hopefully we will be able to work together to make this the best possible life phase transition.

End Your Programming Routine: I guess you can say that I am fortunate to have my dad around at this point. And I know from my wife’s side of the family that dealing with aging parents can have some challenges. Sometimes decisions or lack of action can have consequences. The silver lining is that I am planning another range trip with my dad to get these things ironed out before hunting season.