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December 15, 2020 – Social Media and Privacy

December 15, 2020 /

How is it that that these social media companies have become so big and so valuable? How do they make money when their product is free? Because we are the product. Everything we are doing is getting recorded and stored and analyzed and sold.

Even after we leave these sites, by going there once, we have enabled the tracking to begin. I haven’t seen ‘The Social Delimma‘ yet, but I have heard all about it. This will be on my short list of things to watch in the coming weeks.

We are rapidly becoming a society that will no longer have privacy. Without privacy, we will have no freedom. I really think that people don’t even care. I think that they are already so strung out on social media that they don’t care about the consequences of continuing.

Part of the reason that I am writing this is the ‘Cancel Culture’ and the manipulation aspect of this is driving new alternatives that at least proclaim to respect privacy. Building a brand as I am, I want to build it on a stable foundation, one that I won’t have to move if I invest the time needed to get it going.

Here is a list of alternatives that I have heard good things about

FacebookMeWe
TwitterParler
YouTubeOddessey
WhatsApp/FacetimeTelegram
Safari/Chrome/Edge browserFirefox

You see, the browser or the application enables the functions and starts transmitting data. The safest way to use these things is to login using a secure browser and not the application and then log out when finished.

I know, it is inconvenient. I know that you are not going to get instant notifications. But you see, this is the point of appropriate use. We have to train ourselves that it is not important to immediately acknowledge every ding and post immediately. These are the behaviors that get us hooked on the action.

Admittedly, I have been a very slow adapter of this technology. The only two I use routinely is YouTube primarily for knowledge and entertainment and also LinkedIn which I don’t believe there is a suitable alternative.

The good news for a some of these platforms is that they have built plugins to simultaneously post in two environments like Oddesey. That is a great thing for content producers that need to be concerned about de-platforming because their business is on YouTube.

I was reading this articles about COVID the other day in the local newspaper, not very carefully and I came across a quote. I had to reread the article to find out the credentials of the person that made the quote.

This is what encapsulates the problems of our society succinctly. People that ostensibly know better, giving advice or permitting non-sensible solutions. I would say that we cannot have it both ways. We cannot know one thing and do another. I think everyone knows that I stand for freedom and choice, including the choice to be wrong. But, if we gave a shit about our future, our privacy, our patients or whatever, then we need to stand on principles.

Why would doing something that does not work be better than doing nothing? Maybe he was misquoted? It makes no sense at all. The same with social media. If we know that it is close to evil, then why would we use it? I grew up in a world without it, I am sure that it is not necessary. If we are going to use it, then let us know what we are getting into and do the best we can to avoid the very worst of it all.

December 14, 2020- Testing a direct imbed

December 14, 2020 /

Previously, I wanted to embed a video without uploading to a platform, like YouTube. I don’t always want everything that I post here directly associated with my other accounts. I couldn’t do it on the free WordPress hosting, I needed to upgrade. Well, now that I have my own site. I was curious if I could do it.

This is Raya who has figured out that if she bounces the toy filled with a treat, she can get pieces to fall out. Consequently, she does a lot of bouncing of all kinds of toys in hopes more treats fall out. I filmed it because I thought it was pretty smart of the dog and it is entertaining.

As a slight different note, I have found that my new job takes more time than I anticipated. I have to leave the house by 9:45 and often I am returning between 8-10pm. As a result, I am hoping to try and stage some posts on my non-working days to fill out the docket a little better through the course of the week.

December 11, 2020 – Recycled Floor, Good For the Planet and Good for the Wallet

December 11, 2020 /

Maybe I will sound like a broken record but I am not going to apologize for how busy I have been. Between working 10-12 hour days, my wife wants her office done. Not only that, but there is a lot of Christmas stuff to do and I am trying to carve the time out. The frequency of blogging is suffering a little temporarily.

Two years ago, the room in the picture above was our walk-in closet. It was originally a small bedroom that we commandeered when our kids were born to move upstairs with the rest of the bedrooms in the house. As they have gotten older, we wanted a little distance and moved back into the master bedroom which we previously converted to a TV room. We did a swap and now our bedroom is now the kids TV room.

I took down the wire shelves and filled the holes and fixed the worst of the crappy drywall job that was done. We replaced the carpet in the TV room, but we were trying to save some money so we came up with the idea of reusing flooring that I removed out of the apartment this last summer.

Originally, I was going to save the floor because we were out of dumpster space and I was in-between donating it or maybe building an office so that I had a dedicated place to work. I also had some new planks that I had reserved in case I ever needed to do some patch work. After being installed for twelve years, I figured we probably didn’t need to hold on to a bunch of extra material.

I promised that I would finish the floor on Thursday because I worked today (Friday) and tomorrow. So, that is what I did. This floor cost me $30 to install because I didn’t have enough underlayment.

Now, we have a little clean-up to do. I didn’t handle it with the greatest of care when we decided to replace it. There is a little paint slop on it because we didn’t remove the floor as soon as we should have out of the apartment once we decided to replace it. It’s going to clean up though with an hour or two of effort.

Before I finish, I wanted to take a minute and recommend Habitat for Humanity as a source of used building materials. It is not my go to source for things, but sometimes it is a really good value. For instance, I bought a partial spool of wire, still 100’s of feet for $3. I am going to use that to build an AM antenna soon. I have bought windows and electrical fixtures when I really didn’t want to pay a lot for them. You need to go in with an open mind, but really they have almost anything you need including appliances and lightbulbs.

Another idea I have heard about is people buying used insulation. It comes from old commercial jobs. There is also architectural salvage places that save details and period craftsmanship for people that live in old homes (like mine). Bricks and other stones are resold, I haven’t personally seen this other than on This Old House.

Hopefully, I have inspired you to make something new again. I know that I personally took pleasure in clearing up some space in my basement and I think that it looks nice too.

December 9, 2020 – 6AM Christmas Tree Decorating

December 9, 2020 /

It is probably an understatement that I have been busy lately. I just came off of three days off and I barely had a minute to do anything other than the the things I have committed to. We are working on my wife’s office, selling trees at the Boy Scout tree lot, yard work and other seasonal activities.

For those that know me, they wouldn’t be surprised if I admit that I am kind of a Grinch. That being said, I am also a traditionalist. I am not happy to put up outside decorations or inside for that matter. But, I will never give into the artificial tree movement for the reasons that it is not right.

We have had the tree in a bucket of water for over a week now. Because getting the tree up requires my muscle, the only time I had to do it was before work, so I started working on the tree at 6:30AM.

Because I live in Oregon, natural Christmas trees are normal. I didn’t see an artificial tree until I was a teenager at least. I know that a lot of people live in places where you can only buy a tree from a lot, because it was shipped in from somewhere else. However, I thought that I would provide some tips about Christmas trees just in case.

Getting a wild tree

I have done this a number of times. I would have to say that far and away, this is my favorite tree activity. Permits can be purchased for $5 from the US forest service. You go up to the national forest and you find a tree (that is in the national forest boundaries) and you cut it down and take it home. They will provide you with a map and some suggested locations to get started.

  • Check the weather. Early snow can make access difficult to impossible. Nobles tend to be at high elevation, above 4000′ are are the first to lose access.
  • Plan for adventure. Bring supplies like lunch and drinks and tire chains as well as saws and straps to get that tree. But also think about sleds and possibly campfires. This is an outing more than a to do.
  • Don’t push it if you start to see snow. This can turn deadly if you don’t respect mother nature.
  • Wild trees are spindly and sparse. If you are into that, then your in luck. Some varieties like Douglas fir can have pretty wimpy branch strength.
  • There are some limitations. Trees have a slot window (bigger than, smaller than Y) for harvest. They must be a certain distance from the road and stumps need to be cut to the ground. It is surprising how big trees really are when you get up to them versus at a distance. This can make the hunt challenging, but rewarding.

Going to a tree farm

This is typically our go to. You go to a place that grows a lot of trees and you cut it or someone else does. Often times they are geared toward the younger family set with Santas or tractor rides and such. Think of it as the Christmas version of the pumpkin patch.

  • Dress for the weather, the fields are often muddy and wet.
  • Help is usually available to bale the tree so that it is compact for travel. They can help load it or secure it to the vehicle as well.
  • I find this a little monotonous. You can most likely find the tree that you want, size, variety and look. But, they all sort of blend in together after a while.
  • This will likely be the cheapest tree to buy. You are not paying the fuel to go into the mountains and you are not paying the lot mark-ups.

Tree lots

Press the easy button on getting a Christmas tree. Pull in, look around, pay and go. My boy’s Boy Scout troop operates a lot every year. We spend a fair amount of time working the stand and plenty of people buy trees that way. We did this year too.

  • For best selection, go early in the season. If you are looking for something larger or a particular variety, it pays to buy early. The business aspect of this leads inventory to shoot for the biggest sellers and to sell out if possible.
  • Price shop for the best value. There are very few options in our small town as most of the competitors have gone away over the years. But I have seen a range of prices that vary from “I can’t believe someone would pay that” to “we don’t even buy them at that cost”.
  • Most tree lots are fundraisers for programs (in our area). It doesn’t feel so bad to pay more when I know the profits are supporting good causes.
  • Tree lot trees can be cut over a month ago. If you live somewhere outside of the pacific northwest, tree cutting for Christmas trees begins November 1 for destinations like California and Panama (really? Yep). I can say for our tree lot, I saw the trees cut and then I hauled them to the yard that day.

I was going to go into tree care, but this is already getting long. So, I will save it for another day. I hope that if you haven’t gotten your tree and you don’t have an artificial one that you will get it this weekend. I think our stand will be out of trees by the end of Sunday.

December 4, 2020 – Footwear, Not Just Fashion

December 4, 2020 /

There are some common truths in niche circles around gear, specifically footwear. As I have mentioned previously, my upbringing was frugal and I still have a hard time letting go of some of those tendencies. I have held on to shoes that as long as they are not falling apart, they still have life. As I age, I am starting to change my opinion on that definition of life left in shoes.

Several years ago, I trained for a half marathon. It was supposed to be a goal to be more healthy at 40 than 30. As life got in the way, and I mostly mean work, I didn’t make a half marathon at forty, but I did at forty-one. I ran a number of different races in preparation and I met a lot of people, most of which were much more serious than me about running.

A commonly held belief is that running shoes have about 150-200 miles in them before they are worn out. Training for a half marathon at 5-10 miles a day, that is about a pair of shoes every month or two. What I noticed is that my hip and or knee would start bothering me about that mileage and the pain would go away when I switched to new shoes. So, I guess that I concur with that consensus.

A lot of those shoes would not appear severely worn out other that what I would see is tread wear at the heal. I felt bad throwing out a mostly intact pair of shoes, but I couldn’t keep running in them. The pain was not worth it. So, they would get rotated into the casual wear pile. For that type of use, the pain would not appear unless I was literally on my feet all day, not something I would plan on but would occasionally happen.

I didn’t run seriously long enough to develop much experience with all the different brands. I have always had an affinity with Asics that goes all the way back to my cross country days. Trying and using multiple models from that manufacturer, some were really great and others I hated. I tried other brands along the way as well; I have never liked Nike, New Balance seem to take a long time to break in but seem to last longer, Fila – No. There are still others that I would like to know about but never got the opportunity.

I say all that because I believe that shoe comfort and performance is personal. I suspect that mass manufacturing has enough variability in the tolerances causing users different experiences in use. There are some specific stores focused on running apparel that take pictures of your feet and pressure points to provide optimal performance like Road Runner Sports. This of course comes at heavy price. Average shoe costs are running at $150-200. They do offer great returns and sell used items kind of like REI and Patagonia do for there circles.

Running is one example, but there is also a colloquialism in hunting that nothing ruins a hunt like bad feet. Boots also come in many different styles and features. There are many different designs for different applications and terrain. High lace is supposed to help for ankle stability. Mountaineering boots tend to be super stiff. There is insulation at different levels.

What I have learned about boots is that I would prefer a non-insulated boot if I am going to walk a lot because you feet tend to sweat with that kind of activity. I haven’t been in cold enough to benefit with the amount of insulation that I have in my current boots. Many have soles that are glued onto the shoe which makes them non-serviceable in the future, if the glue fails. I also like a waterproof boot because I don’t need to be as careful where I step.

This whole diatribe is about the fact that I need new shoes. As much time as I am spending on my feet delivering packages, I am noticing pain with my old shoes. I have one pair of shoes that I bought last spring to start training for a multiple day hike that are still usable. They are running shoes, so my feet are getting wet walking in wet grass and stepping in puddles. So, I am looking for a pair of waterproof, low hikers. I want to keep it light, durable and comfortable. I haven’t decided on a brand or model yet.

I wanted to go through all of this to encourage you to consider the condition of your footwear and provide some of the insights I have learned with my sporting activity. You shouldn’t need pain and being on your feet a lot, consider this some of the most important gear you can invest in. One more thing, I feel like you get what you pay for for the most part. I am not convinced a $50 versus a $75 pair makes much of a difference but $40 versus $180 could.

December 2, 2020 – A couple more things

December 2, 2020 /

I had a few more things to say about being an Amazon delivery driver yesterday. I was running up against my deadline to get ready to go for work and I thought about putting the whole article on hold, but instead will continue today.

One of the things my employer asked me to do in my first interview is google ‘What I learned from driving for Amazon’. So I did. And I got what I expected. There were former drivers complaining about the pay, the pace or volume, the use of the phone and software and how it was wonky or clunky.

I guess that it is just me, but it is pretty much everything I expected on all of those fronts. Put it the other way, imagine only being on the job a week and delivering 180 packages in foreign neighborhoods. From my personal experience, nearly impossible. Half my deliveries are in the dark and I cant even read the addresses on the house. Without the device pointing me in the right direction (almost always correctly) I could probably only do it in the daylight. This time of year there is at most nine hours and we don’t get loaded until almost noon.

I have also been big on honoring the original terms of the agreement. So as for pay or work, those were stated up front. I find it disingenuous to complain about those things when they are constants set when the employment is started. I am under no illusions that this will turn into a salary replacing career, this is just something new to learn about and make some money.

7. Having a bathroom close by is underrated– This is one thing that takes some getting used to and strategy. Being on the clock, I cannot just leave to go to the bathroom. Sometimes, I am literally more than fifteen minutes away.

Why is that significant? Because lunch break is only thirty minutes long. So that is fifteen minutes there and fifteen minutes back. See the problem? In theory, if you are right next to one then no big deal, but if you have to drive somewhere then you have to clock out to do so. You are then impacting your route and finish time to use the restroom.

Being both winter and COVID, parks and other public areas like parks are often closed as well. I know, in the country… well getting caught is a termination offense so tread very lightly there.

8. Thirty minutes is really short- Back in my software days, I used to eat while I worked. I am not a break taker by nature. I was thinking that I would have to invent things to do during my forced lunch break. In reality, I don’t have time to eat while I am delivering other than snacking and I don’t really snack.

I typically drive somewhere to use the bathroom, take ten minutes to eat and then it is time to drive back toward my route again. Ten, ten, ten and lunch is over. I should say that we can take more than thirty minutes since it is a non-paid break. But, I don’t like delivering in the dark very much so I would like to get as much done during the daylight as possible.

9. I spent more time writing than I realized- Going into this, I thought that I would layer this job into what I was currently doing. It has proven more difficult than I thought. At night when I get home, I am tired and mentally drained. Then there are family responsibilities and dinner and getting ready for tomorrow.

By the time I leave the house at 9:45 AM and return at 9:30 PM, it doesn’t leave time for a lot of extras unless I am going to subtract sleep. So, I am working to try and get a couple hours in the morning to write and look for jobs and such where I was working in this vein until almost noon before I was delivering packages. On the plus side, I am only scheduled for four days a week, I have always wanted to have an extra day off.

10. A list is always better with a good end point- The sun is out today. It looks like the fog has lifted and this is the end of my week. I signed up for call-in work, if they need it but I am kind of hoping to enjoy my next three days off. I have yard work, painting and putting up the Christmas tree to do.

I plan on enjoying my day delivering packages and hopefully seeing new neighborhoods today. I hope that you enjoy your day too.

December 1, 2020 – What I Have Learned After a Week of Delivering Packages For Amazon

December 1, 2020 /

Greetings, back from an extended holiday weekend (plus). I had a great holiday with just my family. Friday, I worked and Saturday was spent doing things around the house. Sunday and Monday I worked which is why I am only writing on Tuesday.

So I took a leap of faith a couple of weeks ago. Part of my normal weekday routine was looking for and applying for jobs. In the back of my mind, I have been thinking about getting something steadier than just my attempt at building my own business and saw that Amazon was hiring drivers. I have always thought that I would like to try truck driving or delivery driving, so I gave it a shot.

  1. Amazon does not deliver packages– I know it seems strange, but packages are delivered by contractors. In my training, they talked over and over about how we are the face of Amazon, but we don’t even work (directly) for them. At my facility, there are six different independent delivery companies that have territories.

I had a hard time interviewing because Amazon advertised the postings and setup the technology to do the interviews, but it is up to each delivery company to determine if they need or want to hire drivers. My first scheduled interview, no one even showed up to an online conference.

My second attempt, I went to the physical location. The building is run by Amazon. They have no idea what the independent driving companies are doing or that anyone is expected. There is security protocol to jump through. When I got there, there was no one waiting to receive me so I got passed through multiple people until my now boss happened to walk by and was asked ‘Do you want to interview someone?’. She said sure.

2. Interviews are overrated- I was asked to bring my driver’s license, resume and wear casual clothes. So I handed my employer my resume and she looked at it for thirty seconds and handed it back to me. She said ‘I don’t want to take your paper’ and ‘you know this is a seven day a week job’. I said that I did, she proceeded to explain that this was a very physical job, some people cant do the work and that there are are four holidays. My employer took me to meet her son, the operations manager and schedule for a follow-up.

The next day I came back for a second interview. It consisted of watching the drivers load the van and a bit of an explanation of how the process worked. Then they sent me for a drug test and I had to load the Amazon Flex application on my phone to do a background check. Barring any complications of those things, it seemed like I was hired.

3. The most job training I have ever had- One of the things that I have always been passionate about is onboarding and getting people on to the right foot as quickly as possible. It is also one of the things that I have never had. I had two full days of driver training before I even started. I have to say, there is no substitutions for doing, but companies can remove anxiety and eliminate many easy mistakes by doing some initial training.

They also start you out on some half day routes to get the hang of what you are doing. The training didn’t address every issue I have had so far, but it did a good job of getting started with them. All in all, I was happy with what I got.

4. This job is physical- It isn’t a huge deal but it is something. I have load my own truck with containers up to 50 pounds each. I have to load them in an organized and methodical fashion so that I am minimizing the handling as I deliver and I only have 20 minutes to load the van at the station. The routing software is OK, but it often prompts you to drive to the next house when it is easier to stop once and carry packages to three or four house in the vicinity, at least that is what I prefer.

City routes are roughly organized by neighborhood. I have seen my home delivery driver parked next to my house for fifteen minutes or so and wondered what they were doing. It turns out that they were in the back organizing packages for the upcoming neighborhood since there is so little time in the station to get organized. Once you get into delivery, you are in and out of the van a lot.

5. Mobile phones rule delivery- The entire process for a driver is on a phone. The time clock is on the app. There is an app that monitors my driving. And the deliveries are managed on an app.

The packages are scanned with the camera. The route is displayed on the phone. The app keeps track of how long you have been signed in and forces you to take a lunch break after four and a half hours. I literally cannot do anything when it is break time because without the phone, it won’t scan packages or let you look at your route.

I have heard that we have some rural areas where we need to use ‘airplane’ mode because there is no service. Also, because the routing software is wonky at times, it often has me coming back to make deliveries in front of places that I was literally stopped fifteen minutes earlier. What I have learned so far is sometimes, I need to trust my gut over the phone navigation. It is mostly right, but not always. Nor is it usually the most efficient from a stops standpoint.

6. Being a driver probably isn’t a career- Plenty of people work shifts and punch a time clock so I am not begrudging. Right now, I start at $16/hour and after three months I would get $16.25 but that is it. Making less than a forth of what I was making, I know that I can do a lot better so I will keep looking, but I want to a least go through the holidays.

Despite the future downsides, I like my company owners. They gave us a $25 gift card to a local grocery store for Thanksgiving, I thought that was really nice. They seem like good people and they are working harder than us drivers. They are there when I get there and they are there when I leave. This is a seven day a week enterprise for them where I only work four.

All in all, this is kind of fun. I am thinking that it is good physically and I enjoy seeing the world. It is an excuse to drive up streets that I have always wondered what was down there. I was hoping that by being on the inside, I might see more places that I could go, the jury is out on that right now.

November 25, 2020 – You Have To Want It… Being Thankful

November 25, 2020 /

This is the last time that I will write on this, for a while anyway. It got three days because it obviously struck a nerve with me. Since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, most Americans give a topical examination what we think that we should be thankful for.

I have heard time and time again that people can’t wait for 2020 to be over. We all know what is going on between politics, pandemic and such as if the calendar is going to change those things. Are we as a people going to put our faith into the the number of the year or are we going to thrive despite that?

Thanksgiving brings out stories and lore as the birth of the United States of America. A small group of people left the Netherlands to seek religious freedom and a great unknown. The celebration was the end of the harvest season, one last time to celebrate and hope they did enough before things got really bad – winter.

Thanksgiving is a romanticized holiday that we have put a silver lining on a dark time much like our own. The very event that we celebrate was a time where many people starved to death or succumbed to illness. The native population was decimated by European disease and changed the landscape of the world forever. I bring all of this up to say that maybe 2020 will have a new perspective two or three hundred years down the road.

So again, I am writing about being thankful because I need to remind myself to make my world better. For me, 2020 wasn’t so bad. Yes it didn’t go exactly the way that I wanted it to go. Yes it will require new ways of thinking to thrive. No I didn’t get many of the things that I wanted. But, there is a lot to be thankful for here are many of the big ones.

  • No one in my immediate family or even extended family has suffered from the effects of COVID or any other major illness for that matter this year.
  • We rang in the New Year on a family vacation in Southern California visiting Hollywood, Disney, Universal Studios and the beach!
  • I completed a whole new set of pantry cabinets in a woodworking project that used lumber milled from this property
  • We spent three months developing a relationship with our exchange student.
  • I completely remodeled our little rental house, hopefully giving it another 20 years of useful service.
  • We replaced our beloved ‘Snow Dog’ with a handful of puppy Raya.
  • I got this site going after talking about it for a year and thinking about it four years. I am learning many new skills as a result.
  • I got the freedom to pursue interests and desires, testing entrepreneurship and creativity.
  • I have forged a stronger bond in faith and built techniques into my routines to continue to improve and be successful.
  • I have some steadier work work delivering packages and still have time to keep going.

If anything 2019 was a worse year for me. I was burned out and bitter beyond belief. I was at a point that I went out into the unknown and try to do better just like the pilgrims. I know that from a financial risk standpoint, it is a terrible decision to up and quit your job. But, there are times when you just have to do something different than what you are doing.

For me, 2021 is going to be a better year because of all the things that were done in 2020 to do so. And, it is not going to be better because the calendar changed. With that, I hope that you have a great Thanksgiving holiday. I thank you for reading and I hope that you consider the things that you should be thankful for.

November 24, 2020 – Mantel Project is Complete, More Have to Want it

November 24, 2020 /

I finished my mantel project on Sunday. I kind of fell off of keeping track of my hours and I definitely didn’t hit my target date. I suppose if you are keeping up with the theme, I didn’t really want to.


I had other things that I would rather do. I had bids that I needed to get out. I had interviews to attend, I had blogging I wanted to do. I had other things that I had to do like hanging light fixtures, moving furniture for new carpet and assembling new furniture.

As with all projects, I ran into some things that didn’t go exactly as I expected. I was going to use a special router bit to make the 45 degree miter stronger, but I found the setup to be way too fussy without a proper router table. I also found that the air dried fir was too brittle to precision route an touchy joint. Those kind of derailments made me pause for a new strategy and that kind of pause put the brakes on momentum of the project.

To be truthful, I am looking more forward to the table that I am going to build next. I built this one first to get it done because the next project is going to be significantly bigger. I will need to do some more planning to get a more accurate estimate of how long things are going to take. One thing for sure is that I am not going to have the kind of time that I had previously.

With the holidays approaching, there is always significantly less free time. I also took a seasonal job delivering for Amazon. I may be working four to six days a week doing that for now. I think it will allow time to keep looking for a replacement job and writing but there is only so much time in a day and week for doing projects.

This is a job that I wanted. Don’t get me wrong, it is my lowest, post college degree paying job by a long shot. But, it is a four ten hour shift a week, turn it off when you clock out kind of gig. It is going to bring in some money consistently and there are worse jobs for less money out there. Believe me, I have been looking.

I have always thought that I would be interested in a job driving. I can download my playlist, listen to my podcasts and get paid to do so. I will talk more about my experience later, but I am thinking that this could be fun for a while.

If you were to ask me what my favorite job was, I would tell you that it was when I was a student janitor my senior year in college. Many people could find the downside in being a janitor, but I actually liked it, a lot. Beside the obvious benefit of getting some spending money, it forced me to budget my time effectively because I worked every week night. The best part was getting away from my complicated cerebral calculus and high level science projects and spend three hours a day sweeping, mopping and doing event setup. I lost twenty pounds, stayed focused and got paid.

I am hoping that this job will be a motivator with some of the same side benefits. In the mean time, I still have some days to do my own business if I get any or work on projects.

November 23, 2020 – You have to want it

November 23, 2020 /

I will be more forthcoming about what I am up to as time goes on. However, let’s just say that I was busy this weekend and I missed church for the first time in months. Since we host a small group, we just can go willy-nilly, we are committed to attending as much as possible.

Good news for me, they have started releasing the audio in podcast format and it works really nicely to listen to it while I am walking the dog in the morning. This is something that I have started about a two months or so in the spirit of getting more connected to faith and doing something different than I always have. The real intent is to spend time reflecting on the day, to prioritize the most important things and to pray on the issues, particularly my issues.

The big message this week is about healing wounds by doing something different. Of course it is bent towards doing something different in Christian tone. But, some of the first words of the sermon got me right where I was week, I suppose that you would say committal or even want.

I have talked about this some in the past. I have talked about my lack of jumping when there are two sides of the fence. As I have analyzed my situation in life, it is a bit like arguing minutia. If both sides have significant drawbacks, than is one side better (or worse) than the other? The answer is probably not and by staying on the fence, I am delaying the inevitable including the the inevitability to move on in life.

This idea continues to play a theme in my life. I first realized the significance of the concept when I was dealing with addiction. I was reading the pamphlet that came with the gum and one of the first things it said after all the false congratulations was that “you have to want to quit”. I was immediately struck by my stance. In past attempts, I really didn’t want to quit, I wanted to 95% quit. I wanted the freedom and choice without the reality. I wanted my wife off my back, I didn’t want to be judged or condemned, I didn’t want my kids to see me. I didn’t really want to quit.

Since I realized my issue, I have seen it crop up in other scenarios. For instance, I have noticed on most job interviews, I don’t really want the job. I feel the pressure to need the job is high, but in every instance I am very reluctant to give my soul away again to another employer. The alternative is to seek unacceptably low paying jobs that don’t require that level commitment. That has not really been an option either. So, the results have proven that I have had just enough self sabotage to not get the job. I am too good for entry level and no where near good enough to go up a level.

When it comes to branding and building my own business, I can find lots of things that I don’t want to do. I really don’t want to get too deep into social media. I know that is probably the number one thing holding me back at this point. I haven’t wanted to ‘advertise’ on Nextdoor or Facebook. I haven’t wanted to become active on MeWe or YouTube. I am not quite sure what this says about me and what I think I want, but I think that it says that I probably won’t be successful in this area either.

Turning the corner toward inspiration, I believe that once we as humans set our minds to something, those obstacles fail to become issues for us. Quitting addiction is a mindset much more than it is physically (in most cases). Once the conscious decision is made, the rest is commitment and follow through. I won’t say it is easy because you have have resolve that every day is a new battle and you will be tested. You can’t rest on success yesterday and it does becomes easier.

As for my other problems, I don’t know where I am being led. It is not easy for me to always know or see what I want. It seems like I am in spiritual boot camp of sorts. This journey is breaking down the old thoughts and reforming new ones with the wisdom of age. That has to count for something.