When I was in High School, I got the opportunity to work with my Grandfather. At the time, he told me that what he will teach is far more valuable than what I would get paid. The beauty of that situation is that as a seventeen year old, the pay was important but as I got older what I learned was incredibly valuable. Those were incredibly formative years in building my character and who I am now.

One of the phrases that he would frequently use is ‘The Lord hates a coward’. I think what that means is that you cannot be afraid to look into or start anything. I utter that phrase to myself sometimes when there is a task that I don’t want to do, seems like it will be hard or I am in the middle of something difficult.

I ran into that situation two weeks ago. My wife’s car started developing a noise that sounded like a fan hitting or a heat shield vibration. I am fairly early into the troubleshooting and diagnosis period of the problem but what I did notice is that the transmission was leaking, I figured that I would check that first. I found that the fluid was low, so I added one quart feeling like if the noise just started adding some would eliminate the problem until the leak was stopped (if that was the problem).

ATF fluid on the lip of the transmission pan

Adding two quarts did not eliminate the problem, but allowed me to drive the vehicle around and spend some time isolating the variables that cause the problem. I went ahead and ordered the parts to replace the transmission fluid gaskets and all thinking that I would do that anyway since it has been a few years.

Here is where it gets bad. The H pipe on the exhaust was in the way of the back bolts. I spent three days trying to get to that bolt, I tried everything that I could, including trying to remove the exhaust. I brought over knowledgeable and experienced people for opinions and help but didn’t get any further than I already was.

After spending three days, I threw in the towel last night. I got it all put back together in about two hours. But my ego was bruised. I was sure that if I had the right tools and the ‘not gonna quit’ attitude that I was going to eventually succeed. I suppose that if I was made of money, I probably would have cut the exhaust off and replaced it with new. So, it is not like it was impossible but I don’t want to throw good money after bad considering that this may not be the problem.

Where I am at now is how can I move forward from the funk of failure? I guess when you try to add perspective Navy SEALs get killed in the line of duty or NFL ball carriers still get tackled and have negative yard games. So, the best of the best have bad days and fail why cant the average person?

One helpful skill to have in this situation is knowing when to quit. That is something that I struggle with. It has it plusses and minuses. One idea that I heard about that is failure develops that instinct better, like in business. Or said differently, without failure there is no success. Not having a lot of what I would consider failure in my life (largely from never giving up) when I do face it, it is difficult to reconcile and accept.

So, I have made an appointment with a mechanic. Hopefully, all the work I have done will be helpful to a quicker diagnosis and I certainly have all the parts. I will be spending some time trying to internalize this and learn from it. I don’t think that it would stop me from trying to do something like this again, but it may prevent me from spending three days at it. If some epiphany happens, I will write about it. For now, on to something more productive.