Category: Philosophy

October 29, 2022 – When Your Legacy is Conflict and Hurt

October 29, 2022 /

This is a special Saturday morning edition. I have some quiet time to really go deep into my thoughts. Two days ago, my mother-in-law passed away. It was sudden and it was unexpected although not surprising given that she had terminal cancer and was nearing the end. This event opened the door for people to behave poorly. Out of nowhere, I got a text message.

It is almost like, they bit their lip while she was alive because how they felt about the situation, not necessarily my mother-in-law. The ironic thing is that I prayed for all of those involved shortly before receiving this because I knew that there was hurt and pain.

I am not going to say that I am holier than thou, because I am not. There are certain people that I would like to punch in the face if I saw them on the street right now (figuratively). Then, I push my feelings to god and go about another couple of hours until the next wave comes again.

Yesterday morning, I was reading the news headlines. The implication of the article is that without moderation, there will be a lack of civility on Twitter. And to a large degree I believe that will be true. But, is it right? Do we have the right to be ignorant? Do we have the right to not be offended? Do we have the the responsibility to judge other’s intent simply for civility?

Despite all that has happened, I never have never thought that these people didn’t have the right to feel the way that they do nor speak their mind. I am not a proponent of hate speech but I am also not a proponent of censorship, even when it is threatening.

There is a saying that “your right to free speech ends at my nose”. This implies, say what you want but that doesn’t give you the right to do anything physical. I am self-aware. I already know that they do not want us around. The fact that I am unwilling to engage or give them an audience allows them to invent whatever fantasy fits their narrative.

Listening to the radio a couple of days ago, I was reminded of the nursery rhyme, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”. We used to say that as kids in the 1980s. The truth is, words do hurt at least a little bit. A build up or barrage leads to self doubt or at the very least. Unfortunately, we have become a fragile society and want someone else to stop or filter what we don’t want to see or deal with.

What is truly sad is that rather than writing a memorial, my mother-in-law’s legacy is hurt, anger and conflict. People that think that they know the situation have no idea about our truth. Many people have done this exercise. It is the picture that either shows a young woman or an old woman (actually it shows both). This is literally the same picture and people immediately see one thing.

History is a set of facts written or interpreted with a biased perspective. It could be pioneers prospered in the west or it could be our society was wrecked and our land taken. Both are interpretations and presentation of the same set of facts. Of course I am upset about what has been said to my wife and her sister (and me). I also have to assume that I also do not know our aggressor’s set of facts or total intent. Just like I don’t appreciate being judged, I will refrain from doing the same thing any further.

I will say this: what I know as ‘facts’ are all first hand information. I was there and I was involved in the situation. That is my solace and truth.

End Your Programming Routine: I am not going to predict that things will not continue to be ugly. What I do believe is that people that react this viscerally to any situation will likely get redirected to the next shiny thing. With time and separation, it won’t be worth their effort. God, give me the strength to act in your image and represent my beliefs.

September 10, 2022 – Whiskey Lullaby

September 10, 2022 /

Hi friends, I know it is Saturday, but sometimes I just have something more to say. You may more may not be familiar with this song, But, to sum it up, a man ends up drinking himself to death over his pain of a broken relationship. And the woman cannot live with the guilt, so she drinks herself to death as well.

Last night, my wife’s uncle passed away from complications due to diabetes. Out of respect for him, I am not going to mention his full name. But, this is my forum so I am going write about my feelings and perspective. I think that was his own whiskey lullaby. It wasn’t the relationship that caused the drinking, it was the drinking that ended the relationship. But, ultimately when he lost everything it was too late stop the damage.

I feel bad for him, the baby of twelve. He wasn’t too much older than me, I would say fifteen years or so. In some ways a distant older brother rather than an uncle. You almost can’t help it with age gap as my wife and he grew up together, and that took a long time.

I would say he was about forty when he married and assumed a family. He seemed happy and changed from couch surfing and staying up all night drinking to buying a small property and raising animals, a stepson and a life I never knew he had in him. I suppose that the forties are an age where cracks start to appear from the habits acquired in life. My father-in-law was diagnosed with diabetes in his mid-forties, my wife’s other uncle that drank himself to death in his mid-fifties had diabetes for a number of years.

I guess what I am saying is that everything seems fine until it isn’t. At that point, you have two choices: straighten up or continue the way things are. Like all addictions, it is really hard to change. I don’t know if he was really an alcoholic or someone that just couldn’t imagine life differently. We knew that the doctors advised him to stop, we also knew that he didn’t. I suppose that it is one of those things that you think there is still time.

I can’t help but think that if he had a couple more spankings as a child and a few less turned heads as an adult that this wouldn’t have been the end. He was a good guy with a few faults. If he was an alcoholic, he made it to work every day was always helpful setting up and cleaning up family functions no matter how much he had drank. Maybe that is what you call functional?

Once his wife had enough, it went downhill fast. The house went up for sale, in fact he was in the hospital when the property closure happened and we had to help move his stuff out. I don’t know for a fact but I assume that the pain was too much because he was in and out of the hospital all summer. Then we got the call yesterday that if we wanted to say goodbye, we had better hurry.

End Your Programming Routine: I suppose that we all have people in our lives that are headed to a crash course to reality. I am sad that this is how the story was written. I really don’t know what else to say but R.I.P – Jim. I hope that you have now have the peace that this life did not bring… “and the angels sing a whiskey lullaby”.

August 30, 2022 – Rodeo Season is Winding Down

August 30, 2022 /

I don’t think that I have ever talked about Rodeo before. Before I get started, I don’t want to leave the impression that I am some kind of poser. I have never attempted to ride bulls or broncos and I don’t know how to rope or steel wrestle. Despite that, I do have respect for the people that do this.

The origins of American rodeo come from cowboys and working the ranches. But, the truth is is goes way back to Rome. This is the modern day form of animals and humans in the colosseum together. American rodeo has it’s set of events but there are other countries that have theirs. Ours tend to focus on buckles and prize money while others bring a focus on horsemanship with fancy stepping horses marching in unison.

This particular rodeo we went to was called a rough stock rodeo. This means that it was an abbreviated event. A full rodeo would include steer wresting, calf and team roping which the winners are based on the quickest time to complete the events. A rough stock rodeo is the bull and bronco riding (for some reason this one also has barrel racing as well).

The object to riding an animal is to hang on for eight seconds. If that happens, then the two are scored up to 50 points for the animal and 50 points for the rider. The nastier the animal is with bucking and twisting, the higher the score. For the rider, spurring front to back and keeping one hand in the air lead to points deductions for technique. With that, the best score wins. This means that there is some luck in this as well as skill.

When I was a youth, the Fourth of July was unofficially called Cowboy Christmas because there were so many concurrent rodeos happening. In my area, there were three big ones which would draw bigger names because the could compete in all three and therefore enhancing chances with a bigger payday.

Most venues are outside making summer the primary season for rodeo. The biggest one to my knowledge is the Calgary Stampede which runs for two weeks in September. That is one that I would like to see. The official commencement of the year is the National Finals Rodeo in Las Vegas in February. That is an organization like the PGA that requires membership and has it’s own rules for participation and qualification.

The one that we attended was at the Oregon State Fair. We specifically went to the fair to watch the rodeo and the concert by Ned LeDoux afterward. We are planning to go back to see anything else at the fair since this took our entire evening. It is pretty common to see food, games and a carnival atmosphere associated with rodeos. It is an entire entertainment experience, not just a spectator event.

With TV series like Heartland and Yellowstone, I think that there is a resurgence or new awareness of rodeo. This is one of those pursuits that can be very dangerous. And you don’t see old rodeo cowboys. It is just too physically damaging to ride bulls and horses for long. Actually, I think the roping sports tend to be older guys because it takes a lot more skill to do it and it is not nearly as physically damaging.

End Your Programming Routine: I like putting on my boots and hat to go out and watch the rodeo with my wife or family. Stick and ball athletes may be strong or fast but cowboys are tough. The whole process requires desire. The desire to travel and live on the road, the desire for a chance to complete for mostly peanuts as wages, the desire to be the best at a life threatening pursuit. It is a culture and a lifestyle that I enjoy participating.

July 12, 2022 – Love of Game and Community

July 12, 2022 /

My son is a chess player. He started in grade school and plays outside of school now that he is in high school. He came up with this idea that he wanted to create a summertime chess get together colloquially called “Chess in the Park”. As the parents (and the responsible ones) we had a lot of debate about when, where, how long, what is your vision etc.

As driven as he is, some of those more etherical questions are probably a little more advanced then had been thought through. Still, we went for it. He did the talking (marketing) the asking to hang fliers (selling) the coordination with local supporters (management) and we had the first of six Saturdays last week.

Among the work that has been done was getting the city to sponsor (with a parks and rec grant), the middle school chess advisor is a sponsor, the library kicked in boards and timers. Local chess leagues from as far away as an hour promoted it on their social media sites. The city also did work to get the notice out to other groups within the town like Rotary and advertising on the website.

Since this occurred in the middle of my Covid, I was almost exclusively on the sidelines trying to stay away from people. I was there because I needed to be, not necessarily because I wanted to. Next week, I will help facilitate more and stand in play so that we don’t have people waiting for a game to end.

I think from a peak in the two hour session, we had twenty-two players. One guy said that he was taking the next six weeks off to do this. Not bad for a town that has a hard time getting participation in anything.

End Your Programming Routine: Chess is not really my thing. I respect the game and I know that there is some skill to it given that my son beats me every time. However, this has the makings of being something special. I could definitely see this becoming an Eagle Scout project if it gets to that point. And as much negative as I have to say about government, the city really did a lot to get the word out.

June 27, 2022 – Back to Reality

June 27, 2022 /

It is strange sitting in the Barcelona airport and typing this message. We are about board the plane for the first leg home. I had all of my posts staged for the last week and a half (with the exception of last Tuesday’s). So, I haven’t given much thought to the beginning of the work week.

So much of my future has been pegged to this trip. It seems like everything was categorized as ’Needs to Get Done Before’ or ’Needs to Wait Until After’. Now, the trip is over, so there is only what comes next. For instance, It is truly time to get to work on my siding project before I actually run out of summer.

I am sure I will probably talk about my trip most of the week, so I don’t have to get it all in today. Plus, I am in kind of a mental fog right now. I don’t know exactly how to name it, but I will attempt to describe it. It is not a hangover, that is the next day pain from the party. It is not the intoxication from the trip, I guess that I would call it the afterglow? You just want to be and nothing really else.

I don’t always feel like every vacation is over. I suppose that it is more like the vacation never started. Maybe it is a function of the duration of the time and maybe distance. In this case, having 10 days in Spain is probably enough time and disconnection from reality that it worked. In contrast, my last day off was a drive to Texas and back in a week. That was definitely not relaxing.

I don’t know if there is a proper formula for a successful. It very well could be different for each person. I know for me, I don’t want to just lay by the pool or in the sand. However, I don’t know if a constant touring format is enough downtime. This vacation had a bit of each.

I was able to finish my pretty substantial book “The Lost Symbol” on the trip as well as see Barcelona multiple days. If I had full control of the itinerary, I probably would have tried to take advantage of the fact that this was my first time in Spain and try to see as much as possible like it was my one opportunity. But, in retrospect I think leaving something for later as well as not filling every minute made it successful.

I am a creature of habit. My days are filled with doing the same things every day. I listen to my podcast list, I check my usual blogs, social media, news and information aggregators. None of these things I did on the trip. The instinctual part of me wants to catch up but a larger part of me want’s to leave it where it lies. That is probably part of a successful vacation as well. It is so difficult for me but probably worth it.

End Your Programming Routine: A lot of this I wrote before we got home. I definitely had some major surprises when we got home. However, I am not going to take today down with those specifics. Let me just say, it was definitely back to reality on Sunday and hopefully another trip to Spain someday.

June 20, 2022 – The Rain In Spain

June 20, 2022 /

The first time I ever heard this phrase was in Steven King’s The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger. If I remember correctly, the main character Roland recites these words as a poem.

“The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
There is joy and also pain
but the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
Pretty-plain, loony-sane
The ways of the world all will change and all the ways remain the same
but if you’re mad or only sane
the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
We walk in love but fly in chains
And the planes in Spain fall mainly in the rain.”

I didn’t know the origins of the lyrics, I think I read the book in middle school or high school. I thought it was unique to the book when one day I heard my grandfather utter the phrase. We were working on a rental house and it started raining and then he said, “The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain”.

I never asked him, but I am pretty sure he was not a reader of Steven King. He read a lot of other things like National Geographic, the newspaper, the Bible, the Catechisms, Reader’s Digest, etc. It made me think that there was another source. But, this was the time that was pre-internet so research was not so easy to do. I kind of forgot about it until I was think about our trip to Spain.

It turns out, it was referenced in the 1938 film Pygmalian and subsequently published in 1956 for My Fair Lady. I am no old movie/musical/theater buff. So, I haven’t seen either but I am sure that is where he picked it up. This would have been in the early 1990s.

From my research, it appears that King changed the words so I guess if you get past the first stanza, you wouldn’t recognize it. To me, it sounded kind of like gibberish in the first place. It’s probably a book that I could re-read and get more out of it. I don’t remember a lot of it anyway. But reading the plot summary again, it said that King re-wrote it in 2003 because he thought it was difficult to understand and follow. I kind of agree and I think that is why I don’t remember much of it.

There was a movie made in 2017. From that plot summary, it was a combination of two books (in the five book series). So, the phrase was not in the original play, but in the subsequent movie, then changed by King in his books which have movies combining books together. No wonder I don’t know what is going on.

End Your Programming Routine: Coming from very temperate Oregon, we have not had any rain in Spain. It got up to near 90 at the end of April but we have been seeing highs in the low sixties lately. It is nice to get a taste of summer on our vacation.

June 15, 2022 – Spain Bound

June 15, 2022 /

I know, security experts say not to broadcast your absence over the internet. To that, I say that is good advice particularly for social media. But, either the people closest to us know that we are going or people on this site do not know precisely where we live. It is not that the house is going to be empty anyway.

Today, we are off to eight days in Spain (plus two travel days). I am probably going to do some degree of writing ahead here. But, I don’t think I will do eight days worth. I may opt to post some while I am travelling, but that is not likely. What I am saying is… be prepared for a gap.

This is an important trip. For one thing, the airplane tickets were almost $2000 a piece. This is my first vacation since 2019. Not that taking two years off wasn’t restful, it definitely was. This is my kid’s first time in Europe and leaving the continent. This will be all of our first time in Spain.

We are going to visit our exchange student and his family. We are going to stay pretty close to Barcelona except for a couple days in Majorica with no real agenda. We will see the sights in Barcelona, but most of it is going to be seeing the beach and re-connecting.

There is some anxiety on for the trip as well. From what I have read, for entry we need a passport and a vaccine card within the last 270 days. In order to come home, we will need a Covid test to be negative. I really don’t know what the mask situation or anything like that is currently.

End Your Programming Routine: I don’t want to dwell on the potential negatives. I am looking forward to taking some time off and an adventure. I am sure I will get some content out of this so, look forward to some insight from Spain later in the month. Until then, I am off!

June 3, 2022 – 500

June 3, 2022 /

This is the 500th post at Altf4. I have to say, I don’t think all of them were great and to some degree not all of them were (technically) real topics. There have been some occasions where I was having technical problems and just posted an update rather than a real topic. But, technically, this is the 500th blog entry.

My favorite things I have done so far are the series posts. I think number one was documenting the remodeling of my apartment in the spring and summer of 2020. I do look back at those posts sometimes when I want to check on some aspect or find a picture of the project. Number two was the analysis of 1984 followed by the analysis of the American Dream I completed earlier this year.

Individual posts that stand out to me as favorites are Lessons Delivering for Amazon, Memories of my Grandfather and teens and grief. There are lots of runner ups, particularly ones that I think have great pictures like my fishing, crabbing ones. I suppose the reason that all of those appeal to me is that they hold memories versus the opinion pieces. There is no real connection to the content.

What are the top questions I get asked? The truth is none. But, let’s pretend that I had fans I was being interviewed?

  1. How do you come up with topics every day? I think it is helpful to have a bit of a formula. For instance, a series is useful in filling at least a day a week. Tacticool Thursday is a set placeholder and so I only need three days worth of topics at this point. I use projects on the weekend to generate content for the remaining days. When I get ideas, I stub them out to be filled in later as well.
  2. What is your favorite part of writing AltF4? I like the creative outlet but it also helps me solidify my thoughts. When I was in a funk six weeks ago, writing about it helped me figure out what was going wrong. It also gives me pause
  3. What is your least favorite part? I think because I do this on my own time, the quality and scale of what I do is less than what I want it to be. When I am writing heavy opinion pieces, I will often let them set a day or so before re-reading and publishing. Usually I don’t change much but I often see places where I wander or could streamline the argument. Because of time, I usually let them go. I would like to do larger and more intricate projects but time is usually a constraint.
  4. Is there anything that you wish you hadn’t written about? No. But I do wonder sometimes if I come off too strong at times. I do give some thought to opinion pieces and wonder how this is going to come back to harm me in the future. I often take a second look at my initial stance before I write about it or at least publish it.
  5. If you could make one change, what would it be? I wish that AltF4 was my career. There are lots of things I would like to do that I don’t feel like I have the luxury of doing without sacrificing all of my free time. I would like to build some other avenues of interaction, maybe some e-commerce store with stickers, I would like to refresh some of the sticky pages and organize some additional resources and links.
  6. Any plans for the future? As of right now, nothing new is planned. This doesn’t mean that I won’t change my mind or find an easier way to make the changes I would like to see happen occur. As I have stated recently, doing things the way that I have been doing them has satisfied me to the point that it is comfortable.
  7. Is there anything that you have learned doing this? Actually, I have learned quite a bit. I think I have the discipline to write a book if I wanted to, and I actually enjoy it. I have learned a little about PHP, SSL and web technology as well. I learned that I like having an open forum to do whatever I want to do.
  8. Is there anything else that you want to add? I would like to thank my fans for submitting the questions and letting me answer them. Honestly, I know that this is a passé medium just like reading books or preparing family dinner every night. I guess that I am an old soul. Thanks for giving me your time not just today but every time you read.

I know that growth requires change. In my head at least, I thought I was practicing what I thought was a proper business practice. And that is, keep generating content while the conversion to the new thing is going on. I suppose the reality is that I don’t have the bandwidth to really do both. I get kind of irritated when somewhere closes down temporarily to make a change. My thinking was, I don’t see anything wrong with the way it is. This is the reality of a one man show.

As a result of trying to do something extra for post 500, I have spent some time over the last couple weeks to revamp the static pages. I have consolidated the Left Coast Cellars Culinary Book Club to one page instead of a yearly page. I repurposed the other pages for umbrella subjects of media and influences. Hopefully, those pages will be a little more evergreen and useful and less temporal than they were in the past.

So, with that, I am not going to make any additional promises on the future at this point. I am going to keep writing until I decide to do something different. That something could be that I just don’t want to spend my time doing this anymore. But, I don’t really foresee that at this point.

End Your Programming Routine: It is no secret that I am a routine listener to The Survival Podcast. In one of Jack’s many business building routines, the advice is to do things routinely. Very few are going to show up to something that has five entries or episodes and post randomly. I took that advice to heart, so that part I have down. What I still need lots of help on is the marketing and monetization components.

May 16, 2022 – Another Tough Week

May 16, 2022 /

I had about 80% of Friday’s post written but couldn’t quite get it over the hump before I ran out of time. I will do my best to use it this week. But, I have another long week ahead. I am not making any promises.

I would be remiss not to mention that summer is approaching quickly. For myself, I have one month before we are off for a family vacation to Spain. I will be away for ten days on that trip. That will put us into July and I will need to spend between July and August working on my summer project.

Summer is always a super busy time. I addition to what I am planning to focus, there are other activities like Boy Scout camp, gardening, family gatherings. Don’t forget, there could be be a funeral thrown in there at any time. What I am trying to say is that as busy as I am with work, there are certainly opportunities to accelerate everything outside of that as well.

End Your Programming Routine: I will do my best to keep up. Ideas keep popping up all the time. I keep taking pictures and building a war chest of ideas. I am sure that the volume of things that will happen over the summer will generate plenty of material for the coming months. I hope that I can keep my head above water.

May 9, 2022 – Lots of Content, Little Time

May 9, 2022 /

I am going to be proactive and anticipate that I am going to have a difficult time keeping up this week. Last week I worked six out of seven days and put in twelve hours a day, plus family, plus everything else going on. What helped me was that I got a head start on the weekend and I had all of my posts written before mid-week.

This last weekend, I did not have the same time to get a head start on writing. Between Mother’s Day and travel all day Sunday, I just didn’t have enough free time. I am going to have five long days of work as well.

End Your Programming Routine: This isn’t about excuses, it is about covering my bases if I don’t get anything else published. I have planned talking about my keg experience, how my chronograph work has been going, lessons about maskless travel, observation in my plant starts and my new reading list. So, it is not lack of ideas that are going to cause me problems this week.