Category: Leisure

June 25, 2024 – Ten Essentials

June 25, 2024 /

Back in my day… We were required to have two things to leave the campsite, a compass and a whistle. Of the two, the whistle is probably less obvious but possibly more useful. In case of getting lost, the whistle could be used to try and draw attention. It could also be used for self defense against animals or people. I still have one although I have never used it.

The compass kind of makes sense although I would argue it is one of those things that makes you feel better than actually helpful. A compass is really no good without a map and you really need a kind of sort of idea where you are on the map. Further, I have seen a lot of people doing poorly despite active practicing in orienteering.

Today’s Boy Scouts have a more sophisticated set of requirements than I had. The rule of safety is the Ten Essentials. It is not just Boy Scouts, but hiking guides, REI and others recognize the value of being prepared. I am going to cover what is exactly part of the ten essentials as I prepare to get ready for my PCT hike.

List vary slightly and in their detail but this is an example

  1. knife
  2. First Aid Kit (with bug and sun protection)
  3. Extra Clothing
  4. Rain protection or sun protection depending on the season
  5. Water bottle (filled)
  6. Flashlight or head light
  7. Trail food
  8. fire starters
  9. shelter, like a personal bivy
  10. Map and compass or GPS or Personal locator beacon

I do believe in making some modifications. For instance, I like a heavy duty garbage bag. It can make an emergency poncho, it could be part of an makeshift shelter and it can serve it’s intended purpose as a trash bag. They are cheap and light. A proper set of raingear adds a lot of bulk and weight that is likely not necessary in most cases. I would probably also add cordage like paracord. If you need to make a shelter or a splint, you are going to be super thankful that you had 20′ of cordage.

Another alternative to shelter might be a space blanket. I have a lot of them but honestly I have never used one. The have three principle advantages being cheap, light and reflective to help with being found. I carried one when I was in Boy Scouts and I have multiple in each vehicle just in case.

One thing that hasn’t been mentioned on any list that I looked at was signaling devices. I always carried a steel mirror along with the whistle. The theory being that I could flash an airplane or helicopter or even a far away ridge.

I don’t think that it is possible to have everything needed when needed. So for instance, having an extra set of clothes doesn’t make a ton of sense in the summer when the sun can dry you out but may be imperative in the winter to stave of hypothermia. My preferred way to handle this requirements is more like layers. I might bring an extra garment like a pull over or sweatshirt that can double as a single outer layer if needed.

One item that I have seen listed but mostly ignored is hunter orange. There are a hell of a lot of dumbass hunters out there. I have known some of them. There are also a hell of a lot of ignorant hikers out there. Typically those two worlds don’t intermingle and operate independent of each other. In Oregon turkey, bear and predator season start in April and some run through November. This would be prime hiking season as well. I like earth tones as well but maybe one of the spare garments should be hunter orange.

Water is obvious but food is very subjective. I don’t think you will ever carry enough food to matter if you really are stuck or lost. A short, temporary delay you will be fine skipping a meal. A broken leg where nobody knows where you are, I am sure you didn’t carry enough. I have a couple 2000 calorie bars that I take hunting with me that probably need to be replaced but that is my solution. I will often carry lunch as well for a day hike. Of course a multi-day hike you will already be carrying food for your trip.

End Your Programming Routine: I didn’t talk about all of the items but this could get out of hand if I gave my opinion on everything. Boy Scouts was one of my seminal experiences in my preparedness lifestyle. I always err on having more than I need within reason. I carry a bandana, fishing gear (also doubles as mending) and don’t get carried away with first aid. There is only so much you are going to be able to do in the woods anyway. Smart money says get help when you can. One last tip – keep a one shot of toilet paper. When you need it, you need it.

June 20, 2024 – And Now, Quilting?

June 20, 2024 /

If you were looking at the tools displayed in the picture, it looks like I am starting to quilt. I don’t blame you, I would too. In fact, these are quilting tools. But in fact, looks are deceiving. I am making rifle cleaning patches out of rags.

My wife has an image problem. That would by my image. She insists periodically that I clean out t-shirts that are no longer completely white. Using my moral filter, I do not give anything to charity that I wouldn’t buy myself. So while I would consider the clothing serviceable, it is not proper to try and pawn off on somebody else.

At times, I have tried to use them as rags using the cut an rip method. This means that I cut the shirt and then try to rip it into sheets. Why I get something, they are not uniform size and can have varied results. I try to work around screen printing by using the rest of the shirt. I will likely continue to make rags out of colored, cotton shirts.

Most gun cleaning patches are made out of some sort of synthetic or blend. I like how 100% cotton works better. I discovered a brand called Bloomers a few years ago but like everything since the pandemic, inventory is spotty. It is not like I use that many patches over the years, but finding the caliber and quantity with price has not been easy.

Why not just make them? I will warn that it will take a bit to return on investment. The mat, ruler and cutter setup cost $50. That buys several thousand cleaning patches. Then, there is the time. I would estimate that I spent two hours making several hundred patches. I did figure out that I could gang the strips together significantly speeding up the process.

I would point out that having something custom is never about cheaper and faster. In the end, this process will be cheaper than buying patches. I do always plan to have a surplus of clean patches. It is another thing I can do with music or a podcast on in the background. For me this is about putting a resource to work that would otherwise be trash. I feel good about that and I don’t have to buy them when I see them.

End Your Programming Routine: No, I am not quilting. I could if I wanted to though. This rotary cutter setup gives me nice, clean cuts in fabric so that I can repurpose discarded clothes into a second life. Sometimes that is a quilt and sometimes that is gun cleaning patches.

June 13, 2024 – Not Your Grandma’s Sewing

June 13, 2024 /

You might not think so, but kids are bound to pick-up on some things. Growing up in a traditional household, my mom was always into sewing. She would make us a shirt from the fabric of our choosing each school year. In first and second grade, it was a fabric that had a gold or silver thread in it. When I was in third grade, I had a shirt with a Millennium Falcon embroidered on the back. Unfortunately, the work took so long to do I outgrew it before I could wear it, so my brother got it. It did win a blue ribbon at the county fair.

I suppose that it is probably still true, but back in those days winning at the county fair also came with a cash prize. It was $3 for first, $2 for second and $1 for third. When I won two first place prizes for my rabbits, I thought I was rich. That is a little back stage baseball on our kind of life.

There was always a sewing place in our home. I was too young to remember before the utility room was converted in my first house but there was a dedicated sewing room in my second house. As we got older and busier, the sewing projects got farther and fewer in between for my mom. Hemming pants gave way to occasional mending and patches on our Boy Scout uniforms.

As kids do, sometimes we held onto those patches a little too long and needed them sewn immediately. In those cases, we had to do the work ourselves. No problem, I talked earlier about taking home economics in middle school and sewing our own bags. I thought nothing of it.

In this stage in our lives, I occasionally find that my wife has a few friends over on the weekend for a taste of normalcy. Given the impromptu timing and lack of planning, I often find myself heading to the basement to tidy up and stay out of the way but close enough to be nearby. It should be no surprise that I have a a myriad of things going on generating the clutter. As a result, I turn on some music and get to work. In these days of lack of control, having organization over my domain makes me happy.

One of the things that I had on my to do list was mend my son’s insulated pants. I had to of course tidy up the space around in order to have enough room to work. I was feeling in a darker mood that night. My music started with System of a Down and worked toward Metallica. Then I decided to crack a beer. When I was all done I was looking at the aftermath and I couldn’t help myself. I could never see my Grandma drinking a beer and listening to Metallica while sewing.

I have kind of had that moment that I had when I was in college. I needed tools to work on the car but I had nothing, including money. Dad always had everything that I needed. The same is true about sewing. It was always around and available, all the tools and supplies. I never imagined that I would be shopping for replacement needles and thread and other supplies. But, now it seems like I need to stock up in this area too.

Truth be told, my work is hack job level. I broke several needles and I had to watch a video on how to load a bobbin. It would win no ribbons at the county fair but it got the job done. I need to spend more time with the machine to figure out how the different stitching modes work and the different nuances. It is just like anything else, it takes practice to get good at something.

End Your Programming Routine: When I rescued the sewing machine from the giveaway pile at my in-laws estate, I only saw the utility of it. That is still my primary motivation. But, I wont lie that I enjoyed my time fiddling around trying to figure it out how to use it. I would like to get to the point that I could sit down and not have to watch videos to get started. I would also like to get to the point that I hope nobody notices how it was done. Like I said, hack level work.

June 12, 2024 – Technology…. Hooey

June 12, 2024 /

When you watch TV, you tend to get the impression that technology is infallible. About 15 years ago, we used to occasionally watch a cheesy show on Friday nights called “Las Vegas”. I would liken it to Baywatch based in a casino rather than the beach. James Caan played the lead on a casino security team and everything that happened jeopardized the world.

I remember one particular episode where the ‘bad guys’ were escaping and Caan runs to the control room and yells out ‘check the satellite imagery’. As if casino security could dial up satellite images in real time of their particular brand of problem. Just like CSI solves every crime in less than an hour, we are conditioned to believe that technology is readily available and is the solution to all of our problems.

I have been mulling over an upgrade to my handheld GPS device, especially since I am strongly leaning toward a PCT section hike next year. I am not as much interested in the GPS portion but the satellite communication capabilities. I feel like my wife has an unfounded fear of me going out into the wild by myself and I am hoping that something like that unlocks the door for me.

But, rather than having Toolbox Fallacy (I cant hike until I have this piece of gear) I might as well ‘run what I brung’. I took out my old Garmin eTrex 10. It doesn’t have two way satellite capability but I like the mileage capacity. And, I was hoping that it would get me in the habit of using it a little more. The last time I had it out was during hunting season last year.

I know that handheld GPS are now passé. The smart phone loads maps, it tracks your steps and things like that. Once you get rural here, phone signal is rare. I like to turn my phone into airplane mode so I don’t burn up the battery in case I really need it. Yes, technically GPS can still be used in airplane mode but I haven’t invested in services like OnX at this point. The old preparedness philosophy of two is one also applies. If you can afford the weight and space, purpose built devices usually provide better performance.

I forgot that I was even carrying it until I got halfway to the falls I was hiking. I take the batteries out of the device so that they do not leak all over and ruin the device. It is a good thing because one of the batteries failed. I didn’t realize that I have one more spare battery until I was messing with my pack and starting to head back. I felt it in the bottom as I was hitching it on my back.

So I finally got the device going. Except that, it never got signal with the satellite until I got back to my vehicle. All of the messing around I did really yielded no results. Based on the picture, my GPS was still stuck at the hunting location when the last batteries died. I know this because there was no way I was at 5000′ elevation.

The way I use this simple GPS would be to mark a waypoint at the vehicle or camp. That way I would have target from wherever I am at. But, since I didn’t do that, all I was really trying to do was track my mileage. These devices need to see a satellite. If you are in a canyon surrounded by mature trees, my experience says that connecting to a satellite is a tough sell. This is part of the reason I don’t use it all that often, it is not very useful other than hardcore bushwhacking with clear view to the southern sky. Those are two things that don’t go that well together.

I am not ready to throw the baby out with the bathwater yet. When I got home I did some research into updating the firmware. I am running the software it came with and often times significant performance improvements can be made by just running updates. That is a whole different post, but suffice to say I did it. Now, it is back to the trail to see if things work a little better.

It is as good as junk if I cannot use the GPS in 90% of the situations that I am trying to use it. An open field with a clear view of the horizon does not describe western Oregon outdoors. I certainly would not rely on it at this point. That is another fallacy that we have about technology. You just turn it on and problem solved. It takes practice and learning the ins and outs to make these devices useful.

End Your Programming Routine: One of the seminal events in my life was the family that followed their GPS unit into the snow and got terminally stuck. It has forever made me wary of blind faith in technology. This is no different, you have to use your brain when interpreting information, even with the satellite imagery at hand.

June 5, 2024 – What I Know About Scanners and a Lot I Don’t

June 5, 2024 /

Sometimes it is easier to troubleshoot with more than one device. When you have a reference for comparison, it can make a big difference. I have almost given up on the Software Defined Radio as a scanner. While I can tune in on simple GMRS frequencies, I have heard nothing on the emergency frequencies.

I decided to purchase a proper scanner. With that, I would have a second device to compare what is happening on the SDR with a reference. I think it was a steal of a deal on eBay at $68. I will talk about some of the things that I have learned about scanners.

It is true that you can buy a new scanner for a little over $100. The problem is that these devices are for analog signal only. This would be a good device to take to a NASCAR race but there is a whole world of technology out there.

Then there are digital radios. Those scanners start over $200. The more sophisticated departments are using trunked radios which means that they operate on more than one frequency for privacy purposes. These are about $500. Now, you can see why my eBay deal was so good.

This is the Realistic Pro-2052. It is actually made by Uniden and is a trunking scanner. It was clearly used. It is missing one of the feet to prop it up at an angle and didn’t come with an antenna. I bought one for $8 and plugged it in. Within 20 minutes, I heard my first ambulance call. I had the same frequency on the SDR for a week and didn’t hear a thing.

This scanner also has an RS-232 port on it. Auxiliary software can be purchased to do additional programming. For that reason, I added serial ports to my Linux computer. This is a whole realm of things that I have to figure out in my free time (I find it pretty easy to dream up things to do with all of my excessive free time).

I have had it running for a couple of days now. Nothing really exciting has happened. There have been a lot of calls for transport and lift assistance. That is pretty much what I expected for mid-week. It seems like the weekend get a little looser. I probably won’t be near the scanner much on the weekend unless I move it upstairs.

What I really need to do is read the manual. The scanner is programmed by whomever owned it last. I tend to push buttons until I get what I want. That is not really how it is intended to be used. You are supposed to bank up all these channels in groups and then let it run. Something else to do in my free time.

End Your Programming Routine: I am happy to report that since I threatened the SDR with a real scanner, I started hearing the fire broadcasts. It seems to be that I wasn’t using the software properly. That is pretty neat because I now have two ways of listening. Don’t forget that one of the tenants of preparedness is ‘two is one’. This one being portable will be helpful to bring into the bunker during the apocalypse. 🙂

June 4, 2024 – Man, Americans Love Cheap TVs

June 4, 2024 /

I include myself in that statement as well. I have been looking for the final piece for my office and I found it at a second hand store a couple of weeks ago. It is a Panasonic 32″ LCD TV. The best part is that I paid $12.50 for it. I plan on using it for a second monitor as well as connecting techno junk to it. I have a VCR, Blu-ray player and an X-Box 360.

It is not something that I do a lot, but every so often I stop into second hand stores looking for techno junk. I had hoped that I would be farther along but I am looking for to build my younger son a hi-fi system. I want a receiver that has a phono input and a turntable first. The trick is, it has to be a reasonable price. I see them for $75-100 occasionally but that is too much in my mind when I can buy them on eBay for $50.

It seems like two or three years ago, I saw many to fit my criteria. But, it seems like the market caught onto the steal of a deal these $25 receivers were. Phono inputs disappeared from about 2000 to 2020. The point of those is that they are amplified inputs whereas plugging into one of the other choices are not. That means that you can put a DVD into a CD input and the only harm would be the label not matching. But, you cant plug a traditional record player into a CD input, it sounds bad.

The point of all of that is receivers became ubiquitous in the same time that phono inputs were phased out. Now, audio/visual systems are out of vogue to be replaced by sound bars. We did the same ourselves which is why I ended up with the system in my office. But, this also makes finding the right receiver significantly difficult to find.

I should be writing about TVs and not audio equipment. I have considered buying several different TVs. What made this one different was the price. The sticker said $25 and it was half off. It doesn’t hurt that it is a Panasonic.

We have three different brands in our house. We have two Samsungs that are LED TVs. We have a Magnavox that is an LCD TV and a Panasonic that is a Plasma TV. I say all of the time that I don’t watch much TV and I truly don’t. But, the one I watch the most is the smallest (32″ Magnavox). I turn on the news while I am cooking or a game while I am canning.

The TV that I like the most is the Plasma TV. It was our first flat screen. I appreciate the color of TV. I find it to be the brightest in all lighting conditions. It is big enough but it seems like it is not compensating for something else. I hate the washed out LED screens. I don’t like the bluish cast that they make either.

I have been a longtime fan of the brand Panasonic. It is sad that they lost out in the TV wars because I think that they made some of the best electronics around. Our last TV we replaced around Super Bowl I was about to throw a brick through it. It would turn off while watching, it would fail to turn on and the software was garbage. It was one of those Chinese brands not allowed in the government buildings out of spyware concerns.

One downside of buying used is often things are missing. In this case it is the remote control. That will likely cost more than the TV itself. But, the good news is that since I already have a Panasonic TV, VCR and DVD player plus a universal remote for my receiver, I will not rush out and buy one. I will look for one second hand and if I never find one, it wont be a big deal.

End Your Programming Routine: My techno junk pursuit is all about opportunity. I am only willing to buy it if it is cheap. Anybody can plunk down a chunk of change and setup a shiny system. I am all about keeping good old equipment running, even if it is out of vogue. It is doubly exciting when it is a bargain.

May 23, 2024 – Fifty for 50

May 23, 2024 /

I might regret mentioning this today. I hope that it is part of my accountability mechanism. But, I have always wanted to do a multi-day hike on the Pacific Crest Trail. I hadn’t made rank to participate on the one hike that we did when I was in Boy Scouts. I always imagined that I would be this rampant outdoorsman when I grew up. That hasn’t quite proven to be true.

When I was 39, my wife cajoled me into running a half marathon. Her idea was that we should be more fit at 40 than we were at thirty. I procrastinated as much as I could but I ended up running a half marathon at 41. I was definitely in pretty good shape at that time.

Before all of this cancer business, my wife said that she would like to run another marathon at fifty. This time I said no. But it did get me thinking that I am really running out of time to do a serious hike. I am calling this fifty at fifty because I am planning on going at least fifty miles on the PCT next year.

I have no real idea at this point what the plan is going to be. I am thinking that I am going to do the southern oregon portion for several reasons. The first being that there are no permits required to hike it. The second is that Ashland is a logical terminus for the hike. My wife loves Ashland (were we met and went to college) so I already have a shuttle driver. Doing a week duration, hike I should be able to carry what I need without resupplying.

At this point, my biggest concern is being dramatically out of shape. I have unfortunately noticed my weight skyrocket since leaving my job as an Amazon delivery driver. At almost 50, I can’t just turn it on like I could at 20. It is going to take some time to get in shape which is why I am starting now.

I remember at 16, my shoulders aching from the pack. I am mentally preparing myself for the age appropriate penalty for carrying a pack. And for that reason, I will not only need to get in cardio-vascular shape but also weight bearing work. It means that I need to take some test hikes as well as exercise with my pack on.

I have all of the the 1980s – 1990s era gear that I need. I used to use my pack every month when I was that age. That being said, I may want to make some upgrades. But to start out, I think I want to “run what I brung”. This will also be part of the test regimen.

End Your Programming Routine: This is all subject to how things go with treatment. If it turns out that I can really make a go of getting fit, then I will likely make it happen. Otherwise it will probably be an abort but not forever. I am realistically running out of daylight with my physical ability, meaning I cant wait for retirement to do this. Expect periodic updates here on how it is going. I am pursuing a dream.

May 22, 2024 – It’s a Funny Little Gadget

May 22, 2024 /

A few months ago, I was killing time at Walmart. I had dropped my wife off for some medical test and it was a time of night that not many things were open. I walked by the sporting goods counter to try and see what kind of air rifle pellets they kept in stock and I noticed this pen looking device. It turned out to be a ‘speed loader’ for air rifles.

I wasn’t going to buy it there. It annoys me that half of the items are locked up and there is no one in the area. The more these stores like Walmart and Target lock up more and more items, the more likely I am going to buy things online rather than at the store. It is a hassle factor for me that I dislike.

I never knew that anything existed like this. I am less interested in the speed loader function than the ability to portion off a smaller number of pellets. Typically when I am doing my daily practice, I portion out ten pellets into the lid. That is how I know I have done my proper daily routine.

But more so than that, I like the idea of taking these tubes out in the field rather than a whole can. Cans rattle with noise. They are also prone to spilling. I don’t really take my rifles out to the field, but if I did I would take these full of pellets. You can see that they have a pocket clip to keep them quickly accessible and safe.

So, how do they work? So, so. The fat rubber tube on the end has a propensity to block the view of the chamber causing a partial insertion or even miss. These work best on the break action, single shot, spring or piston driven rifles. This is where you break open the barrel and use the device to feed the pellet into the chamber by pushing the orange plunger. I found that I often have to finish the job with my thumb.

Despite the drawbacks, I still like the ability to portion off pellets. The ones that I have pictured here are Crossman. This is not the brand I saw at the store, but they were several dollars cheaper at $7 versus $10. Is this a must have accessory? Definitely not but it definitely satisfies my fully accessorizing obsession disorder.

End Your Programming Routine: No regrets here, they just don’t work as well as I would like. Maybe I should try the other brand too? At $7, they could be garbage and I wouldn’t have lost much. This isn’t the case, they are well made and I can envision use case scenarios where I would be glad I had them. I will keep using them because they fill a role in partialing out my daily allowance and maybe I will get better at using them.

May 21, 2024 – Were You Asleep Like I Was?

May 21, 2024 /

This is a few days late so if you missed it, you missed it. I unfortunately was asleep when it happened myself. I am talking about the northern lights that was widely viewable May 10.

It was a Friday night and we had gone out for Cajun crab and grilled oysters. That of course needed a couple of beers to go along with it. It was also an unseasonably warm night. Nights are my kryptonite. Since I am an early riser, I have a hard time staying awake after 9pm. But more so than that, Friday nights are the worst. After a long week and having to work extra in the morning, I relished falling asleep 10.

Sometimes you snooze and you lose. I had read earlier in the day that there was a high chance that the northern lights would be visible. It didn’t give specific locations, just that is was possible. I thought that maybe I would take a look in the sky when it got dark but my fatigue got the best of me and I passed out without a thought.

These were photos that my son took just slightly out of town. I am a little sad that I missed it. I remember walking home from work in college and seeing the Hale-Bopp comet in the night sky. It is not something that I have ever seen before or since. There is something awesome or amazing about seeing these types of phenomena when they are rare.

Sleeping through it all wasn’t the only way to miss it. My nephew was with my family and said that he couldn’t see it either because of color blindness. My parents who live about 15 miles away said they couldn’t see it despite constant checking. I don’t know if it was spotty or you had to look in a certain direction or what the deal was.

It is not unheard of to see the Northern Lights in Oregon. They are pretty rare and largely in the Winter. Most winters are cloudy and overcast or foggy if clear so the diminishes the chances even more. The east side of the state has many more clear skies in the winter but I don’t live there. In fact few people do so it is not widely publicized that it is possible. I have seen pictures on the news before.

The Northern Lights is really a chemistry display. The sun has periodic storms where charged particles are blasted into space. Some of those particles make it to the earth and react as they encounter the atmosphere. That reaction is those particles losing their charge and causing light as a byproduct. Not only is it nice to look at, it also keeps us safe.

End Your Programming Routine: Someday, I would like to go to Alaska and hopefully catch this event. That is not the only thing I want to do of course, but it is one of those things that seems like a magical experience. I really wish that I wouldn’t have slept through it but when I got up on Saturday, I was more refreshed than I had been all week. I think that God knew I needed my rest to keep up with leading this battle against cancer more than I needed to see the Northern Lights.

May 16, 2024 – What Happened, How Should I Feel?

May 16, 2024 /

There she is, this is the actual RV that I attempted to purchase. In a fit of luck(?) I was denied a loan. OK, that is the bottom line. But now let us get into the story of it.

Last week, I wrote about looking at RVs. In the week that transpired, I found one that I liked the price and would fit the immediate needs. That is, a place to stay for a month while my wife goes through a medical treatment where we have to stay close to the hospital. As I wrote last week, I am really kind of taken by the class B (converted van) type of body. While what is pictured below is a class C.

This was a 2007, had under 50,000 mil and was in really good shape. The best part was that the price was $28,000. I liked it a lot for our upcoming trip even if it was not exactly what I would have liked. My wife and I were really impressed when we saw it. She told a couple of her friends that we were looking at RVs and one of them asked if we wanted to split it. She immediately said yes and was ready to start pursuing it.

I don’t want to give off negative vibes. These are good people and the women are deep friends. In my mind, I was thinking “no, this is not what I want”. Despite the cost of ownership being split, I didn’t want to have to worry about I want to do this so you need to pay half or I really didn’t want that even if you paid for it all.

I have talked about being frugal before. If it were up to me, I would probably have piles of money. Of course, we have a yin and yang in our marriage and the financial side leans away from my yang quite a bit. I was definitely worried about taking on another obligation with my wife’s future. If I didn’t want this for her, it would be a hard no from me.

While I was wrestling with this, I prayed. I asked God for a sign on making the right decision. I started softening a bit after I didn’t get any sign I could see in the proceeding days. I started thinking about splitting the cost was really as safer starting point. I really didn’t want to commit, but I wanted to please so I said yes.

We were denied by the loan application. How does that feel? Relieved actually. I wanted this for her and I kind of wanted it for me. But all of the work getting ready to park it, the extra financial burden, the sharing aspect that I did not want actually makes me feel relieved.

I don’t know why we were denied. I suspect that it may be that my wife is on FMLA leave and not making any income, but you know all of the variables that go into that. I figured it was a slam dunk once we filled out the paperwork. God thought otherwise.

I won’t deny that there are some other emotions involved. The second one being shame. We started making plans with people and sharing what we are doing to now have to back track. I also won’t deny that I think we have too much debt. For me, any amount is too much and I wish that we had none but that is the whole yin/yang thing again. For me, that is a little shameful as well.

The third emotion is worry. What if there is something that caused this? I am waiting for the denial letter and then I will check my credit to see if something is amiss. We will need a new(er) car in the next few years and I make a lot of money per month. Not being able to qualify for a modest car sized loan is concerning.

End Your Programming Routine: Too often I only talk about success. Granted I don’t have that many, this is definitely a failure. I probably should have stood with my gut and said no from the get go. I am definitely weak when it comes to putting my foot down financially and I haven’t done a lot of it for many years. Thank goodness God has my back.