Sometimes the gloom and doom gets too much. As much as the news is ripe with topics to spawn plenty of opinion talk, I choose to leave it alone as it doesn’t age well. Today I relive memories about why I look forward to summer. You don’t have to identify with my experiences but allow yourself to go into those good times of the past. This has been far from my favorite summer but based on the track record, it is bound to be good again.
Author: bhayes952
July 26, 2024 – The Divine Comedy, Paradise, Canto XXIII – XXVII
This is the eighth level also known as the fixed stars. In some ways, it is kind of fitting because the fixed stars are the rock stars of Christianity. This is the level that we get to meet some of the apostles and Dante get’s a test of his worthiness.
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I was doing some math and it seems like there are more than nine levels to Paradise. Next week I will be talking about the Primum Mobile. That isn’t’t the end of the story, there is still one more week or level or however you want to phrase it called Empyrean. More on those two things in the following weeks, I just wanted to acknowledge that I will be talking for more than nine weeks on the content of Paradise.
The fixed stars specifically focus on faith, hope and love. Now there is a Christianity that is more familiar to me. It is none other than Peter who interacts with Dante about faith. That would be Peter the apostle and Peter the founder of the (Catholic) church.
The answer is pretty much what you would expect from a lay person. In fact, I have gone to baptism class multiple times in the Catholic church. I think that it was six weeks of evenings where we were questioned and taught to assess our worthiness of being god parents. I feel like I got a little bit of a pass there because the entire class was in Spanish. We believe mostly the same things. I won’t promise to raise the kids Catholic but I will raise them to know God should that need arise. At this point, there is only one minor remaining anyway, but I digress.
Dante’s answer is I have faith because of all the miracles documented in the Bible. Because the Bible is true, then I have faith in God. That was totally an answer that I would have heard in that parenting class. It is not wrong but I feel like faith is so much deeper than that.
I don’t know how I would do on the spot but I think that my answer is a little different than that. Faith defies concrete proof of its existence. Faith is blind in its acceptance. Faith exists despite the ability to provide facts and supporting evidence. I have faith because of what it is and who I am. My faith would only change with proof to the contrary, that God does not exist.
There have been certain times in my life that something came into my head like a message or an answered prayer. I choose to believe that validates my faith and confirms my bias towards the existence of God. I mean, a better answer from Dante would have honestly been, “How else do you explain this wild ride I have been on”?
Dante also meets James on the test of hope and John on the question of love. Throw in a little Adam of the original man fame in there as well. After Dante passes his tests, Peter doesn’t miss a chance to flame the current church as well. Lord knows they likely deserved it. We are still seeing some of that fallout today.
End Your Programming Routine: If you are keeping mental tally, each level we go up, the bigger the personalities are. This level also contains some angels as it is written but it is all about what you did on earth to earn your spot. This is a theme that will continue to the end. Next week it will be Cantos XXVII- XXXIX for the final level paradise.
July, 25 2024 – Fat and Slow
Things have clearly slowed down for me on many fronts. One of them for sure is my air rifle shooting. I told myself that the next schtick was testing out those speed loaders I had with different pellets and different rifles and getting used to handling those rather than individual pellets. It has been less inspiring than I really thought and I have been dragging my heels.
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Since I started this journey, I have been on a quest to try all different kinds of ammunition. I have gone through a lot of different ‘heavy’ pellets and now I am on the lightest of the bunch. The current group I have been shooting is the Gamo Blue Flame. I am going to talk about my impressions of this particular load.
The Gamo Blue Flame is a lead free, pellet of 5.4 grains. It is commonly referred to as PBA or Performance Ballistic Alloy. It is made of tin even sometimes plastic and the theory is lighter is faster is more energy. This also comes at a cost of about $0.12/pellet versus about $0.02 for lead.
While I clearly understand the value of energy, I think it comes with a compromise of other factors. Take noise for instance. Air rifle pellets can break the sound barrier causing a supersonic crack. I am also not convinced that they are as accurate. The rifling is optimized for projectile weight and my testing has yielded less than ideal groups. You can see from my picture that I have some scope work to do to get them on target but the grouping is rather large.
I think my biggest complaint is the quality of the product. The picture does not show it well but at least five of the pellets came out of the can severely deformed. One in fact was not even able to be loaded. Four of the pellets had the blue polymer tip fall off in which I painstakingly hand applied and re-crimped. By my calculations, that is a 9% defect rate. And just think that only two of these pellets equals one 9mm cartridge in cost.
Another reason things slowed down for me is that I was last shooting 14gr pellets. As a result of my testing, I feel like my rifle performs best in the 7-10 grain range. My personal favorite right now is the Crossman Piranha at 10 grains. It is just a little harder for me to find on retail shelves. I know Walmart carries it but I do not have a Walmart close and I despise ‘mommy may I’ games.
This last one isn’t on the pellets but the rifles. Just like you never get EPA rated mileage, I have not gotten manufacturer velocity results. I have published my results but truthfully I have only seen about a 5% increase in velocity and 250 fps less than advertised. I am measuring no where near the stated potential.
End Your Programming Routine: Granted, I have primarily done most of my shooting with the Crossman 1000, results could change with different platforms. My honest opinion is that PBA pellets are not worth the money. I am sticking with the fatter and slower loads because they are also significantly cheaper as well. Dead doesn’t come in degrees but accuracy and money do.
July 24, 2024 – At Least There is A View
I am going to make a commitment. Unless something goes drastically askew, this will be the last time I write about my current woes. It is not about pity but about my current situation. Since it is first and foremost in my life, it is going to take a dominant position on what I am doing.
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Back for my second stint in the hospital, I told my wife that this must be what prison feels like. I don’t mean to say that this is actually like prison because it is not. Each time I leave the floor, I need to have permission to return. I hate begging to be let in so I try to leave as little as possible. That is the part that is like prison, confined to a room.
You may have seen the stories about an uptick in Covid. As luck would have it, there is also an uptick in influenza. Five patients in this ward have contracted it recently. For that reason, they are restricting visitors and procedures even more. Now, I have to put on a disposable gown each time I enter the room. I also have to wear a face mask at all times which includes sleeping.
Have you seen those prison beds? A mat on a bench. That completely describes my situation. To be honest, it isn’t all that uncomfortable and I have had some nights of extended sleep. I probably get more here than I get at home just because there is less to do here. There is the factor of multiple interruptions for blood draws and vital checks. Some nights are far from restful.
My wife has been working on a debt consolidation strategy since before she stopped working in March. As luck would have it, it finally came through. So what would you know, the notary had to come to the hospital (and go through all the sanitation procedures). You always want to put on a good face with these things but it is pretty hard when you are signing papers next to a commode.
Last week when I was here, I was able to keep my mask off. I also used snacks to supplement meals to try and keep the costs down. With the new mask policies, there is no eating allowed in the rooms. This forces me to leave the secured perimeter to eat. This hospital is isolated. Yes, there are about five or six places to get food and at least one that is open 24hours.
I feel bad. I want to like it but the food is just not good. There is that institutional frugality combined with government subsidy factor. All the sausage is chicken. The hotdogs are chicken. The vegetables are over boiled or steamed. For some reason, half the dishes are Indian. I love Indian food and I am sure I could eat it day after day but not on the potato wedges. I paid $8 for a terrible, unseasoned burrito with chicken sausage and potato wedges in it.
Enough about food, at this point it is a means to an end. My shift is Wednesday night to mid Sunday. Consequently, I am working at least two days. I have struggled to keep my computers connected to the Wi-Fi. As a result, I have taken to using my hotspot. It is why we have it in the first place. I am constantly plugging in and wrapping up cords to keep those devices charge. I really appreciate my office at this point especially because I have to work out of two computers daily.
A programmer needs two screens and hospitals are not setup to have someone work like I do. I even had to take a 2 1/2hr sales pitch meeting, talk about a near disaster. Fortunately, I didn’t have to speak or be on camera. It has been really tough to keep up with things and it seem like I am always working to make up for gaps and missed time.
End Your Programming Routine: At the time of my writing, we are solidly in the second week here. With much luck we may get to transition back to family housing some time on my next trip back. I definitely couldn’t look forward to something more. It takes a toll on you physically and mentally. I have said my peace, I am thankful for the opportunity at healing but ready to go.
July 23, 2024 – Are We Done Yet?
The last major component has been added to my office. Something that started in the winter of 2021 is done… almost. The actual last thing that I want to do is replace my chair with something more becoming of sitting in it all day long. I have decided that my chair sucks a lot.
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My chair is not new. Technically that is an upgrade. But the TV is new (to me). This is the component that knits all of my techno junk together. It acts as a second monitor, I have it connected to the VCR, the Blue-Ray player and the X-Box 360. All of those qualify as techno junk in my book.
If you recall three years ago, I actually wired my office for surround sound. My thought was that I was going to finally put those speakers in a home they deserve. I did mess around with them early on but unfortunately, the space does not totally work. My speakers are way too large for the space.
Thinking back retrospectively, I could have built my office differently to accommodate for the speakers I have. That would have involved moving the door more centrally in the space.. But, I would have lost out on some of my usable space for my couch and that does get used.
Like everything in life, it is a compromise. I have considered purchasing some micro speakers like the Bose brand and then I really could make it happen. After all, everything is wired and ready to go. I haven’t totally ruled that out but that would then violate one of my tenants. That is putting to use the techno junk that I have lying around.
Sometimes I turn on the local news on mute while I am working. I enjoy it and it makes me feel more connected. Like this is some kind or war room or control center. Technically, it is the home of AltF4 and is probably the single place I spend time in my life. Nine hours of working beats 6 hours of sleeping. That is actually my justification for the chair.
Like all done projects, it is not totally done. I need to wire the TV output to the receiver. I am still on the lookout for a subwoofer. I occasionally see one at a good price but the timing is not right. I want it to be both cheap and easy. I am weighing the real want for surround sound. I don’t have an actual remote for the TV. We have another Panasonic TV. I can use that remote for the advanced functions. It will cease to be a goal and more like a ‘some day’ desire.
End Your Programming Routine: I feel good that all the old misfit toys now have a home. I don’t know if I will ever sit down and watch a VCR tape in full surround sound, but I could. I feel like one of those TV shows where I can hack into any piece of data and solve a crime or get information. Yeah, it is a fantasy but it is done with a $12.50 TV and a bunch of cast off electronics (including the computer).
July 19, 2024 – The Divine Comedy, Paradise, Canto XXI – XXII
This is probably the fastest I have ever read and written any single entry in my book review series. I am sitting here in the clinic with nothing to do besides kill time. These two Cantos comprised about 15 pages or so in my book. That means about an hour read and I might as well get started while it is fresh in my mind.
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Sometimes, so much time has passed that I actually have to read summaries to refresh my memory of what actually happened. Some books I keep some notes about what I want to talk about as Friday rolls along. My day to day situation varies so widely that it has been hard to keep up with a consistent schedule or routine.
This level of heaven is Saturn, the seventh level of Paradise and the land of the contemplatives. For those of you that don’t equate such fancy words, it is the level of the thinker. In church terms, the thinkers are the monks. Maybe not all of them are monks but all monks are supposed to be thinkers (I think).
Remember too that the higher we climb, the more that the souls are supposed to be closer to God. Dante has two interactions in this Canto. One with a soul called Peter Damiano and the other with the Pope Benedict. They both kind of interplay together so let’s talk about Peter first.
In the Devine Comedy, there has been a battle between free will and predestination. For the most part, the talk has been about free will. It is that freedom that has allowed sin to grab hold of the characters we met in the Inferno and Purgatory. But now, we are starting to run into preordination. What Peter is saying is that it is God’s plan for what level of heaven you will remain eternally. There is not much that a person can do to change that.
When Dante meets Benedict, he is confirmed what Dante already knows and that is there is much wretchedness within the church at all levels. He says that God will eventually punish them when the time is right. Once again we have a theological dichotomy. If everything is preordained, how can God be displeased with the rampant sin and corruption within the church?
I guess that I believe in both as well. I am a believer that everything happens for a reason but I also believe that it matters what we do in that time. As a bible believer, the second the second coming (Revelations) will be the final reconciliation. It seems that I finally agree with Dante on something. But, I am also a Protestant Christian and the ideal of a vengeful or angry God is very Old Testament.
This is the new covenant. If you haven’t heard this language, Christianity differs from Judaism in that there is no intermediary between God and worshipper. No longer are sacrifices required to absolve sin. We can achieve eternal salvation by accepting Christ. So while God may have a final plan for our lives, We can surely help ourselves along. Otherwise, what would be the point?
To put a fine point on it, I think a loving god as I subscribe to has an intricate web of events. Each one effecting the other. I am primarily speaking about the duration on life and eventual death. What we choose to do in that time greatly influences our eternity. We never really comprehend how we affect other people as we move through life. To me, that is the predestination part.
End Your Programming Routine: Since I do not really subscribe Purgatory or levels in Heaven, this is just another week in a long line of things that don’t completely jive with me. But it is at least closer than some. Next week will be the longest remaining group of Cantos XXIII – XXVII and the eighth level. This is the level of the stars.
July 18, 2024 – Home Away From Home
It is such a mixed bag. I would dearly love to not be away from home for extended time. That being said, it sure is convenient when appointments are just across the street. No traffic, no parking and no real planning. When my mother-in-law was receiving treatment in Houston, I got to see another version of this housing which was more like a one bedroom apartment. Here, I would liken it to a hotel room.
Being over an hour away is not the end of the world. My neighbor who lives just a block from us makes this commute every day. In fact, there are a lot of people who do. I would never want that, but my point is that it is not unheard of to live where live and work in Portland.
The hospital’s main point is that this is specialized treatment. Should something go wrong, not having direct access to the care team knowledgeable about the subject is too risky. They are afraid that a local emergency room would not adequately coordinate or even know what to do. Secondarily, there will be follow-up appointments. They really don’t know when they will be so being at the ready is really a convenience for them.
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The first picture at the upper left is the room. I feel like this could be any hotel room. There are two queen beds, a TV, desk, chair, refrigerator, microwave and bathroom. What makes this not a hotel is the upper picture to the right. What you are seeing is the communal kitchen. Since we have medical, dietary restrictions this is a must for us. It seems like most of us staying there are in the same boat, but the accommodations are not strictly for cancer patients.
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The picture on the upper left is also on the communal floor. It is a little alcove with a desk along the wall. This is where I worked when I would get up in the morning to not disturb the sleeping. Not a bad view and nobody was there anytime I was working. Other people came to the floor for phone calls and such but not consistent working.
It is the upper right that is the kicker. This is looking out the window while my wife is having chemo July 4. What you see is a little park with tents setup because the craft brew festival is happening. Staying at the family housing not alcohol is allowed. But, right across the street a three day beer festival was happening. I could have gone but it was $50 and 100 degrees, so I decided to keep my money, But what an opportunity,
End Your Programming Routine: There is some give and take. I am not so far from home that I couldn’t go if I needed something. It is just inconvenient enough that I really think twice about running back and forth. In retrospect, this is a better setup than the RV would have been and the last four really hot days probably would have been miserable. It all worked out for a reason.
July 17, 2024 – Observing Problem Solving
I am a firm believer that the mind needs exercise. I think that as a lot of people age, they kind of give up and watching TV all day does nothing stimulating for the brain. I believe that watching a screen dulls the brain. This can be kind of good when you are sick, but too much of anything is not great. Heck, too much exercise is not good either.
While my wife and I were staying at family housing, she asked if I wanted to do a puzzle with her. I said sure, I like to do them and what else was I going to do anyway. This is something that I found very fascinating. It was how different we approached the activity.
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I can’t say that what I am about to talk about is 100% accurate but it seems to fit. A few years ago I was having a conversation with a boss. He told me that there were two types of problem solvers and he used a football analogy. Some problem solvers use the long bomb method. Eventually enough attempts were going to score. When that happens, it seems like going from problem to solution without much work in between.
The other kind of problem solver is like the west coast offense. The goal for every play to get two to four yards. Enough of those plays and you will score every drive. You just continually moving the ball forward until the other team makes a mistake or you have run out of field.
Getting back to puzzles. My wife and I have two different tactics. I usually let her do the boarder while I sort the pieces into groups. The groups are by the different subject matters on the puzzle. She tends to pick the easiest stuff next whereas I tend to go toward the most difficult part of the puzzle. I usually do this to give us separation between what we are working on because it is hard. With two people trying to place pieces in the same place.
What really makes us different is how we go about the piece identification and placement. She picks up a piece and studies the picture deeply. She searches the picture until she finds where exactly the piece goes. If it is able to be placed, she will and if not she will put the piece in close proximity to where the finished location will be. It is the precision of a sniper.
I on the other hand group pieces by relative color. My technique is to look at the shape of the where the pieces go and match them to the possible options. I quickly sort through orientation and relative grouping until I find the fit. Often times, I place three to five pieces to her one. But sometimes I misinterpret where I am at with the picture and what pieces I have left causing handle pieces many ties more than necessary.
Both techniques work. Since we work on the same puzzle all the time it is hard to say what is more effective. In order to know, we would have to each do the same puzzle or time ourselves. I don’t think it really matters but I do find the subject matter interesting.
End Your Programming Routine: Honestly, if I had a choice to build a team I would like some of both types of problem solvers. My preference would be to have more of the west coast offense with a few long bombers. I think that is the best of both worlds. Each of us could learn to do both types problem solving if we want to. That is the great news of being aware of the different techniques.
July 16, 2024 – My Lastest Thriller…
I know that this is a big deal to me, maybe not to you. There is a lot to know and so this book is one of the first things the doctor gives to you. The good news is that I am not going to subject you dear readers to a lot of facts and figures about something you may never experience in your lifetime. There were however some either extremely interesting factoids or things that are universal that I want to talk about today.
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I was in line at a local store the other day. The woman behind me said in a loud voice ‘how does someone take chemo and not lose their hair’? I didn’t recognize the voice and resisted the urge to whip around. The cashier said ‘you probably have to read the story to find out’. I slowly turned to try and see what was the specific subject. I couldn’t and I had something to say but I just didn’t want to get into it.
What I learned from reading the book was that losing hair from chemo is a form of alopecia. Doctors don’t actually know the reason or cause for most alopecia but it is thought to be an auto-immune problem. Trigger for those can be stress or environmentally induced. I am pretty sure that chemo covers both of those situations.
The second thing and probably the most surprising thing I learned about this process is that it is a reboot of the immune system. When I say reboot, I do mean reboot and all of the learned immune protection is wiped out. When I say that, this also includes vaccines. If you have kids in the millennium then you will be aware that children are getting twenty some vaccines these days. You need to do them all. I see a lot of sickness in the future.
I also read something that I have never heard before. As I said in the podcast that only people who had insurance cover the process would get it. The book talks about some strategies to raise money because apparently some health systems will work with the patient, not ours.
Get this, apparently there is a way to cash out term life insurance before you are actually dead. It seems that if death is inevitable you can work with at third party to pay the insured less than face value. They have to buy out the policy so this is one and done. I suspect that this is something more akin to a payday loan or an estate advance. But, it is an option if the straights get dire enough.
The book itself was interesting enough. I enjoyed reading the historical evolution of the process. It definitely seems much safer, successful and refined than it was seventy years ago. That is a good thing. I call it a thriller because after reading the book, it is much clearer what was going to happen but not necessarily before that.
End Your Programming Routine: I didn’t need to go through this process to learn that you have to be your own advocate in the system. This time just reminds me how that is true. You cannot be your own advocate if you do not understand how it is supposed to go. Next time, I want to skip the thriller and have a love story instead. But, I don’t always get to choose the books to read.
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