Author: bhayes952

August 7, 2025 – Binocular a.k.a. ‘Bino’ Harness

August 7, 2025 /

I am trying something new this year for hunting. It is called a binocular harness and it straps over your shoulders so that the binoculars are securely stored on you chest. It is the number one piece of gear that is recommended by the Meateater staff. They say that it has revolutionized their hunting. Since they seem to be much more successful than me, I think that it is worth a try.

Meateater is not the only one that has noticed a problem. I have typically left these binoculars in the car because I cannot wear them around my neck and be agile in the woods. I have tried carrying them in my backpack but then I never have them when I want them. That leaves me doing the bulk of my work with mini-binoculars (8×30) which is less than ideal. But even those swing around wildly unless I have a breast pocket to put them in.

Some makers of these packs are also modular. I purchased the Badlands brand and it is. I recently added the rangefinder pocket. It attaches with the MOLLE (MOdular Light weight Load carrying Equipment) system. My rangefinder ran the similar fate as my binoculars, never there when I wanted it and too inconvenient to want it. I rationalized it by using it only when I was sitting to get distance bearings on certain landmarks.

I do plan on adding more accessories. There is a bear spray holster, a multipurpose pouch, a bottom pouch and even holster attachments available through Gunfighters Inc. This way the gear can be setup for recreational hiking, bicycling, hunting or whatever since the chest is typically free space. I do plan on packing it for some practice hiking before the season starts. I think a full, after action report is appropriate in October.

There are lots of cheaper options out there than the Badlands brand. Believe it or not there are more expensive options too. All of them have the same basic premise, mount the binoculars on the chest so it doesn’t swing around. Most of them also have a rangefinder pouch as well. That makes price ranges from $50-250. Of course, I wasn’t able to handle and try on all of the options but it was the Badlands that seemed to be available at every retailer.

The features that I liked were magnetic lids. This makes for a quick and quiet removal of the optic. Each unit comes with quick connect rings and tethers so the expensive things are safe from dropping as well as can be kept out for ready use. But, the quick connect doesn’t keep the optic chained to the harness semi-permanently. It can be removed very easily and quickly for other uses.

They come in different sizes and mine is a pretty stuffed 10×42, size medium. I think that you want them snug because you certainly don’t want stuff bouncing inside the pouch. That being said, it doesn’t leave a lot of room for things like your phone or GPS. This is why the accessory pouches are necessary.

I think another advantage of the Badlands brand is that modularity and their other products. I know for sure that the MOLLE accessories can be attached to their branded packs. I assume that some accessories can go the other way. But realistically, any MOLLE attachment should work as long as it fits the space.

I want to be careful and not fall into toolbox fallacy. You don’t need this to be successful. In fact, most of western Oregon hunting is temperate rain forest and optics are not that useful. The very best tactic is to be out there looking with or without binoculars. But, this year I am hunting the significantly more open central Oregon and I am hoping that having my better optics with me is a tactical advantage.

End Your Programming Routine: I still have to try out the harness but I think the best use case for this is when you want to be beating the bush with quick access to binoculars. That means that if I was just a hiker, I think just sticking with the 8×30 binoculars and save the bulk. But, I could see serious birdwatchers or nature lovers finding them convenient. They are really purpose built for hunters.

August 6, 2025 – What Everyone Tells You To Do But Never Does

August 6, 2025 /

Imagine that you want to buy a new car. It is easy and smart to go to various websites and look at specs of your short list of cars. After you narrow down the options, there is likely a list of two to four cars that meet the specs but you still want more. So, you go to the dealer and they say ‘these are the cars that you can look at’. The key word is look. I one time looked at a Porsche 911 but the salesman said that I could not drive it unless I made an offer to purchase. How would I know I want to make an offer if I cannot drive it and see it is for me?

As a high school trap coach, I see plenty of new shooters. They may not be new to shooting but most are definitely new to the game of trap. Most of them fit into two categories. There are those that fall into the camp that they purchased a shotgun to participate which is almost always inadequate and those that upgrade their shotgun within a year. The latter group is often the ones shooting dad’s or older brother’s shotgun.

What I can say from experience is that fit is king. I don’t care if you are shooting 20 gauge as opposed to 12 gauge, if the gun does not fit you are going to struggle. A few years ago a kid on the team was shooting a beat up Remington 870 pretty well. He purchased a semi-automatic Tri-star and could not hit the broad side of a barn. After struggling six out of eight weeks with his newer and fancier shotgun he switched back only to shoot season high scores. Neither gun was wrong but the simpler 870 fit him much better and so he scored better.

I recently attended an event that my range put on. This is a new thing; they used to host a fully automatic shoot that was a real hoot. This was intended to bring back a fraction of that fun that no longer can happen due to insurance costs. But the premise was to bring in a number of manufacturers and a whole lot of guns to shoot. Ideally, that would lead to purchases from the sponsor of the event.

What you can see in the picture is about a third of firearms that Sig Sauer brought to the event. There were a number of other vendors there as well. The idea was that participants would purchase tickets that would be presented to vendors for ammunition. Depending on what caliber you chose to shot, a ticket was worth 10 22LR, 8 9mm, 6 45 ACP etc.

In today’s world, semi-automatic handguns are king. In my day growing up, 38 special was the same price as 9mm ammunition. Not so today, 38 special is three times the cost as 9mm. This event was almost exclusively 9mm pistols which is too bad because I don’t own any. On top of that, my tastes are pretty eclectic. For instance when I visited the Taurus bay, I really wanted to shoot a Judge (45LC/410 revolver) but no such luck.

I have heard over and over from multiple sources that first time, gun owners should try a bunch of different firearms before just buying one. But how, where? This event was awesome for handling and shooting a large number of the most popular firearms in the market. In fact, the majority of firearms I have purchase were a surprise in how I shot with them until I purchased them and went to the range for the first time.

I could have shot different exotic things but I did not. I tried three different 22LR, a 9mm and a 45acp pistol. I tried some shotguns that were way out of my price range and also a 6.5 Creedmoor rifle. The pistols were things that I have considered over the years. The shotguns and rifle was just for fun. Nothing I tried is on my next to purchase list but then again they didn’t really have what I wanted to shoot to begin with.

I definitely learned some things. I learned which 22 pistol I liked over the others. I learned that I really liked the 9mm and I learned that I didn’t like how the 45 felt in the hand. The one overall lesson I learned was with the 6.5 Creedmoor. This has become an extremely popular cartridge in the last ten years. I wanted to shoot a rifle that I considered affordable and without a silencer. This particular rifle had a muzzle brake on it.

After firing the first round, it blasted my ears causing them to ring even with ear plugs in. I have heard about this phenomenon before but never personally witnessed it. I found myself closing my eyes on the remaining two rounds which I am sure that effected my marksmanship. If this is how all brakes work, this is a definite no-no for me.

End Your Programming Routine: I am fifty years old and have been in the scene most of my life. There are two places that I can think of that actually rent firearms but you are limited to what they have on hand and the disciplines that they offer. This was a very unique experience to get a large swath of manufacturers of similar firearms together. This is something that you really cannot reasonably do, try before you buy.

August 5, 2025 – My Keg is Flat Again?

August 5, 2025 /

When I got my keezer (kegerator), it had one tap and therefore one keg. There is probably room for four kegs of this type inside the refrigerated space. the vessel is called a Cornelius keg, often called a ‘Corny’ keg and used by Pepsi Co. That makes a lot of used ones available in the market for whatever reason.

My strategy if you will is to have one on tap, one in waiting and one used extensively for flushing the lines. I have considered adding more taps but realistically I should not make drinking beer easier. Plus, it is a lot a work to brew and flushing the lines is often not done after use so for now, one is plenty. The point is that I have added two more kegs to the system.

Both of the kegs I have purchased were used. In fact both were also dirty. One had Mountain Dew under pressure in it. I don’t recall the second one other than to say I know it was dirty. But, I imagine that these things are not taken out of service for no reason. As a result, I have taken to having to give them a once, twice and often three times over to figure out what is wrong.

Aside from being dirty, the most common problem is leaking. Even though I have had extensive work in scientific air analysis, the tools I have at my disposal are pretty rudimentary. Most of it involves guessing and checking. The one thing that works pretty well is the soap solution looking for bubbles. The one I am showing in the picture comes from the plumbing section of a home improvement store.

You can make your own solution with dish soap and water. I don’t honestly know what the mixture is and I suppose it probably matters which detergent you use because of the factory concentration. The reason I chose to buy one is that the cap comes with a brush and so you can swab areas of interest. The one we used in the lab was a squeeze bottle with a tube at the nozzle so you could really target small areas but it is $25 a bottle.

I think it is pretty obvious how you know that there is a leak. That being said, how did I know? I opened the tap handle and nothing came out. Normal keg pressures should be around 15psi and there should be enough pressure in the vessel to fill a cup without the source pressure on (again laziness about the proper steps). But if I did things right, you should not hear gas going into the keg when you turn the cylinder valve because everything should be at equilibrium in this closed system.

When it comes to troubleshooting this system, the distribution line likely only needs to be checked once for leak Go to each break in the line and swab the joint under pressure. If it leaks, that joint will need to be tightened (only occasionally loosened depending on the connection type but beyond the scope of this article). Honestly, I only do this if during my initial test, I lose pressure. This is called ruling out the variables.

By far and away the most frequent failure parts are the action parts. These are things like valves and O-rings that seal connections. If no leaks are found around the valve, then try replacing O-rings. These are designed as replaceable parts anyway and it could have gotten damaged during transit or worn from heavy use. If your vessel leaks, then it is almost certainly junk unless you can weld on stainless steel.

I found that on my keg in the picture above was leaking around the main seal O-ring. Even my soap test did not reveal the leak and it would occur over the span of three days or so. I also knew that my O-rings on the valves were OK because the keg leaked whether it was connected to the distribution line or not. Other kegs I have did not leak and so it wasn’t the other end of the connection either.

Generally speaking, these tests should be done under system pressure. This should reduce the risk of contamination from the soap. Cranking up the pressure should make leaks more obvious but it is possible to cause new problems, so be careful. The one thing that I also wanted to add with soap is to make sure product surfaces are cleaned after testing unless you like soapy beer.

End Your Programming Routine: This troubleshooting technique works for beer kegs, water lines, air lines etc. In plumbing, lines are pressurized to prove that they are solidly connected (generally new construction). One final thing, the air molecules are generally smaller than liquid water, so a leak in an air line is much more likely than a water line. So-so connections can still hold water that don’t stand a chance containing gasses for long term.

August 4, 2025 – The Patriarch of Birthday Week

August 4, 2025 /

Maybe there is something about me that old people like to talk to. I have heard stories from my wife’s grandparents that she has never heard. That being said, this story is not one of them. But, it is quite a bit out there as in unbelievable. Believe it or not, but this is the story of my wife’s paternal grandfather who had all the kids and was also the first birthday in what I call ‘Birthday Week’.

August 1, 2025 – Boundaries, Chapters 11-12

August 1, 2025 /

One of the nice things about this book is that it seems to flow with how I want to do things. That would be two chapters at a time and the subjects seem to work topically together. This week it is boundary problems with work and the digital world. For many of us working at home or in the technology sector, the digital world is a must. The truth is the digital world is here to stay whether it is required for work or not.

Let me tell you that I have had some boundary problems with work. One thing that taking a two years off really helped me was with perspective. I have a much stronger propensity to have better boundaries now then I ever did before I just let everything go. It doesn’t mean that I still don’t struggle at times but creating that separation made things so much clearer.

I find it a lot easier to take a stand in a large company then when I was with a small one. Their, you are almost family and those bonds quickly become strong. But, the weak bonds and relationships in a large company are much easier to defend. It makes it especially true when I am working from home. I just put things on my calendar and walk away when it is time.

I think where work boundary problems are evident is that this is an environment of sanctified hierarchy. Once we are deemed adults, we are all treated as equals (in theory). So friendships, romantic relationships and even familial interactions we have the ability to declare the we are independent adults and with it comes the ability to lead our own lives and consequences thereof. Not so at work.

I wouldn’t call my dad a workaholic by any means but there were a lot of times where he travelled for months at a time sometimes returning home every other week and sometimes once a month. That was my model and work was supported and encouraged. Add to my travelling being on-call and work never ended. I worked and worked in various jobs.

As funny as it sounds, I have a much less likely to have boundary problems with the digital world. Part of that is because I do not participate in much social media. The other part is that I want to be done with technology by the time I am done with work.

It was about 15 years ago, a co-worker was leaving. I talked to him about his decision and from that conversation he asked a favor. Create a LinkedIn account and join a particular group that was common to the work that we did. I did and didn’t think too much about it as it has not been super busy over the years.

I have the application on my phone. Particularly when I was looking to get back into the workforce, I had notifications turned on. My logic was that I had to be ready at the drop of a dime for a recruiter to contact me and offer me a job. But, I started noticing a couple of things as well. One of those things was that I was starting to get in the habit of clearing my notifications every time I saw them.

The second thing that I was noticing was that I kept getting notified of the same stories. This was not a notification from a different source or a variation but that it was the same story I read a week ago. It was happening over and over again, Every time I unlocked my phone I had new notifications. Of which, nothing was ever significant.

I decided to turn off notifications and I have not looked back. Important things like messages from recruiters also send emails. Every time I log in, there are 20+ notifications because I only check every couple of weeks. But they are almost always ‘so and so likes this’ and things of that ilk. These days, I recognize LinkedIn as a necessary evil. My last two jobs were the result of having an active profile and I have had multiple interviews as well. But, I do keep it at bay.

End Your Programming Routine: There is a ton to be written about these two subjects. I really cannot do justice with digital boundaries in one quick write-up. Even if you are not reading the book, observe your digital habits as a third person. I see all the time most people are on their phones the entire waiting period at the doctor’s office. We have forgotten how to be still because most people are addicted to technology. Just wait until AI is fully integrated.

July 31, 2025 – Rip It Up

July 31, 2025 /

One of the things that I take for granted living in Oregon is the coastal, sand dunes. As I understand it, it is not the only sand dunes in the United States. Apparently, there are dunes in Utah, Colorado, Michigan, Indiana, California and North Carolina at least. When I was doing a quick check on where the others were located, I was also checking to see if off-roading was allowed; that is not universal.

In Oregon at least, the dunes are off-roading heaven. They also go on for miles and miles down the central and south central coast line. All my life I have known people that aspire to spend their weekends jumping humps and drag racing up extremely steep hills. This is what my son wanted to do for his 19th birthday.

If you watch the video, you can see that he got a four wheeler. I ended up renting a Honda Talon side by side for various reasons. One of which is that my arm is still bothering me some and I thought it would be a little smoother (which I believe that it was). I felt no pain or soreness after riding around for three hours. I know that my son wanted to rent something bigger and faster but you had to be over 25 to rent and drive this vehicle.

We had a lot of fun for the majority of the time. Unfortunately, there was a small accident that cut our time short. It was no big deal but it did break the flag pole off and we were instructed to call the shop if a roll occurred. They wanted us to nurse the thing back which is why we went so slow in the video.

Right before we left, I packed my Baofeng GMRS radios. I have never used them before and I thought this might be a good place to test them. It turns out it was the perfect place to test the radios. When the accident occurred, we of course did not have any reception. So, I went down the hill to get cell signal. Once I got the instructions from the shop, I radioed to my son. We would have never been able to do that without the radios.

I would estimate that we got about 3 miles maximum of reception. It seemed 1.5 miles was reliable but beyond that things got spotty. I heard him at 3 miles but he did not hear my response. When we got back home, I realized that I actually have a longer set of antennas also in the box. It would be interesting to switch and see what the difference is. I also had a set of Midland walkie talkies that are lower power, but we didn’t really have enough time to mess with those as well.

We call it Sand Duning. It is one of those things that it seems like many out of state visitors are drawn to. Many people that I have met seem to bee-line to the sand dunes and rent a ATV. This is why I started out today saying that I just don’t think about it much. I guess it is been there, done that.

That being said, it is one of those activities that seems approachable. If you watch the video carefully, you can see the RVs on the left hand side at points. People trailer their vehicles and camp out on the sand. Then, they can just leave from their camp sites and go play. Four new quads is certainly cheaper than one new boat. I could see really getting into it. But then again, I don’t need anything else to take my time and money.

End Your Programming Routine: I think that it has been ten years or so since the last time we went Sand Duning. That was also for my son’s birthday. My wife was jealous, she wanted to go as well but she was out with her girlfriends for her birthday. I guess that is the way the cookies crumble. But, I wouldn’t be surprised if we have another trip in out near future.

July 30, 2025 – Getting In the Mood

July 30, 2025 /

Believe it or not, I had a free Saturday not too long ago. I was free of any obligations because everybody was working or doing things that they deemed more important. I didn’t have to wait around for somebody to pick-up something or deliver something or babysit or host a party and I have literally been waiting weeks to try out my recrafted Danner boots as well as jump start my return to hiking.

I put on my boots and only packed a day pack. I put up water and a couple of snacks because the focus was the boots and it was only going to be a five mile loop. Using the All Trails app I found a pretty close trail that I never knew about and set off.

I am happy to report that my toe no longer rubbed on the plastic toe cap. This would become raw in a day or so and my enthusiasm to put on the boots rapidly diminished each day to the point where I would rather take other shoes even if that meant wet or cold feet. One other side benefit I noticed immediately that I didn’t realize was a problem was the constant squeaking with each step.

Apparently, the heel supports had detached from the sidewalls, that is what the cobbler said. With each step it would rub on the leather and cause a very slight squeaking. It was definitely annoying and not the kind of thing you really want while out trying to sneak up on game. There were two, new kind of minor issues I noticed.

The most pressing was that the tongue was biting into my ankle. I tried to adjust it a couple of times but I cannot see anything unusual. I don’t know if it was the socks I was wearing or I just laced them up in a weird way. More to report some other time but I never had that problem before. The second was that the boots left a black ring around my socks. I think this must have come from the re-dying of the leather. I assume that will resolve itself.

I took a number of photos when I was out. Most of them were from animals that I ran across as I was out and about. The one that I chose spoke to me because if you change the sky and the temperature, it could easily have been deer hunting season. I saw four different deer after all.

Now that I have finished my kick, my mind is drifting to the fall. I realize that we are a week or so away from the technical, mid-summer point. Traditionally our whether starts to turn in a couple of weeks. The sun looks different, it is more muted and by the end of August it is setting by eight o’clock. The overall humidity often goes down and so it feels cooler that it actually is. This becomes harvest season.

Coincidentally, harvest season is also hunting season. The official start of Dove season is September 1. If I was an archery hunter, my big game season would also begin. But a short and pleasant month leads to the real, big game seasons. As I have stated previously, we won our tag draw this year and so I am planning on doing Mule deer hunting rather that Blacktail deer hunting this year. Maybe this is the year I finally go for coastal elk, I have seen plenty of them this year. It all depends on how things go with medical appointments and things as we move past summer.

I am adding some new gear this year (surprise, surprise). I have heard over and over on Meateater how the binocular harness is the number one piece of gear that they use. I will write more about that later. But I just got my base part and so I am anxious to get that tested out before the season. It seems like a good idea to put on my boots again and get out there just to feel things out a bit. The season is barreling towards us faster than I can imagine.

End Your Programming Routine: We are getting to my favorite time of year for many reasons but chief among them is anticipation of hunting season. I can say that the money was worth Danner boot recrafting if for anything than removing the squeak, I am sure that I will work out the ankle pressure thing next time I put the boots on. Yeah, I could have paid less and gotten new boots that would possibly work better than these. But, this is why I believe in buy once, cry once.

July 29, 2025 – Let’s Try These Reusable Cubes

July 29, 2025 /

I went into a chain farm store the other day on a whim. It has probably been six months since I had last been there. I stopped buying dog food there a couple of years ago because it was $10 a bag more than another local store. I would buy it there if that was the only local option but the price savings is nothing to sneeze at.

When I went in, I had it in my head that I was going to peruse the news stand. They carry lots of titles that I enjoy namely Backwoods Home and Self-Reliance but really lots of things like that. This is when I ran across these reusable seed trays by Burpee. Clearly, I don’t know how they are going to work, but the idea sounds good at least.

In recent years, I have been using peat cells that fit perfectly into proprietary trays. They are pretty small so each tray holds 72 cells. That is a lot of starts for me. They do work but based on my propensity for negligence, I feel like optimally they should be transplanted into larger containers before planting.

These reusable cells are significantly larger which translates into a much larger plant and more likely to take off when planted. I think the theory is that the root wad will hold the cube soil together which allows these trays to be re-useable.

There are several features about these trays that I like. The first one is that they are re-useable. One of the problems with the peat cubes I find is that they are a seasonal item. Once the season is over, they are gone from the stores. The last time I bought a bunch of them, they had to be found and taken down from the high stock shelves on a fork-lift. This big box was the only place I could find them in retail and not exactly ideal when you are looking to start out of cycle. I know, Amazon is a thing and it is largely season agnostic. But again, I would like to do this with less inputs. I don’t like really relying upon consumables for success.

The second thing I really like is that the cells are gridded. This means that you can easily and accurately keep track of what seeds are in what cell by the label. I have tried all kinds of things, none of which I love. If each cell is not identified then you are confined to a row of one variety or devising some other method. For instance, this year I made a ton of straw markers for a bunch of seeds that never germinated.

The third thing that I like is that the water is in a tray below the cells. This eliminates the flash flood type watering when using a can. I have often had seeds end up in other cells because the watering process was too aggressive. Then, I am guessing about what is actually growing and I question myself about thinning.

There is one thing that I am going to have to see. There is no humidity dome to cover the trays. I think that they pose two advantages in this situation. One is they keep the water from evaporating, especially when the trays are on a heat mat. The other is that I believe they help keep the temperature inside the tray. This is the we’ll have to see part.

As soon as I get results from my seed germination testing, I am going to start planting. I already have a pretty good idea but I don’t want to spoil the results here. I wish that I had started the seed testing weeks ago because I don’t know if I am going to have enough time to get a root ball to solidify the cube. I will have to roll with what I have.

End Your Programming Routine: I’ll be the first to say that technology does not make the expert. It doesn’t make you the best golfer or chef. Once you have the fundamental skills, technology makes things faster, easier, better. I am still working on those gardening skills but I am hoping that these new cubes will make bigger, better plants when they actually get into the ground.

July 28, 2025 – The Kick

July 28, 2025 /

If you have ever been a long distance runner, then you know the term. I explain what it means and how it is all related to the subject today. This won’t be a sports show but an analogy to how and why it is important to know your pace and pace yourself so that you can achieve the best possible finish.

July 25, 2025 – Boundaries, Chapter 9-10

July 25, 2025 /

These are two chapters that I have been interested in reading, boundary issues with the spouse and children. I feel like the two are kind of joined at the hip considering that one might have issues with one that bleeds into the other. I am pretty convinced that people don’t just have boundary problems in one area, at least I don’t.

The concept of systems thinking comes to mind. By now, I hope that it is obvious that most problems have a systematic approach to resolution. I am not seeing much of a difference between a boundary issue with friend versus a spousal relationship. Sure, there is more intimacy between partners and hopefully more grace as well but the reality is that they have similar roots and resolutions.

In fact, this chapter reapplies several laws found in chapter five to use as examples. The book also adds a nine point list to help with resolution. I don’t see it specific to spousal boundaries but to all mature boundary problems.

  1. Inventory the symptoms
  2. Identify the specific boundary problems
  3. Find the origins of the problem
  4. Take in the good
  5. Practice
  6. Say no to the bad
  7. Forgive
  8. Become proactive
  9. Learn to love freedom and responsibility

Moving to chapter ten, let’s hope that you don’t have too many boundary problems with children. Otherwise we need to call the police and protective services. Rightly so, a large focus of this chapter is all about installing age appropriate boundaries as well as teaching them so children grow up as healthy, appropriate adults.

When I was a young child (pre school) I remember that my bedtime was seven o’clock. As I moved into grade school, my bedtime became 8PM until summertime and then it was nine. Throughout grade school it bounced back and forth in this manner, it seemed normal. So that by the time I was in middle school, this was routine and there were no questions asked.

We had a bit of a kerfuffle in middle school as my peers and friends found Saturday Night Live. My mom said that we were expected to be ready and attentive for church the next day. The pastor’s husband was also a fan of Saturday Night Live and he could not make it to church routinely and slept late on Sunday’s. After that point, I never questioned that my bedtime was nine o’clock no matter what season or day it was.

It was late May in my senior year and my parents were confronting me with something else. I was already 18, but what I said in the conversation is that I had no meaningful connection with my peers. They were exercising their adulthood and transitioning out of the house and yet I felt nothing relatable with them. My parents responded with ‘there was no reason why I couldn’t do the things that they were doing’.

Somewhere in the age of middle school to high school, I missed the boat of age appropriate freedom and boundaries. Ultimately, it was my fault for not trying to exert or push for expanded boundaries but I never realized it was something that I should be doing or that would have long term effects. To date, I have a hard time relating to pop culture trends and platonic relationships.

This is a polite way of saying that I have to own my own problems. I have the power to do anything that I want if I desire to change this. That being said, it is the parents responsibility to guard their children against retarded development. I think that my parents fell into the convenience trap of saying ‘well he is not asking for anything, so it should be fine’ rather than saying some of these choices are more age appropriate.

My wife and I are completely opposite. As much as I had severely restricted boundaries, she had almost no boundaries. Therefore, we have struggled over the years to set appropriate boundaries with our kids. It is almost the opposite where she would want more and I would want less for them. And then we went full circle to boundary problems within our relationship. It is always way more complicated than this but it is an example.

End Your Programming Routine: There is a lot of discussion in chapter nine about feelings. Not what you do causes this or that result but I feel scared, lonely, abandoned, whatever. I have never been much into feelings but I now understand that these are signals for boundary problems. Be warned that it is just as likely a boundary problem that other’s own to cause negative feelings. But, that is delicate and this is the place that you really need double down on collaborative resolution.