I am going to try my best not to make this a grief or Covid blog. I still have a lot more to say on the two subjects. However, some things we have to keep in perspective. And that is it is Friday. We have 1984 to get to.

This chapter is about Winston’s experience in captivity. You could say that it is torture. We don’t exactly know what the end goal is yet. According to Obrien, it is rehabilitation. Future chapters will reveal more.

I am having a bit of an supernatural experience lately. I guess that because of all that is going on. Maybe it is some sort of hypersensitivity or mind tricks or maybe it is real. Let me try to describe more. On August 11, for some reason I woke up at 3:30AM. I was worried that I was late for something but of course I wasn’t so I went back to sleep. Then at 4AM, I got the call from my wife. I don’t know for sure but I kind of think that was the moment that Frank passed. Then I get these moments that I am just not myself but those are stories for later.

I get the feeling that Winston is going through a similar process. Winston is questioning his reality. In his case, Obrien is trying to convince him of the complete dominance of Big Brother. He makes a statement ‘Who controls the past controls the future, Who controls the present controls the past.’ Obrien is trying to gain absolute obedience from Winston by using torture. Winston is fighting the reality of the situation. It is not clearly explained, but somehow Obrien knows all of Winston’s thoughts and actions that were seemingly private.

Reality is What We Make of It– I have said to myself this statement many times but I don’t always listen. In this context and using the example from the book 2 + 2 = 3 or 2 + 2 = 5 or it could be 2 + 2 = 4. What I am saying here is that absolute truth does not really matter. If we are going to be happy in this world, we have to accept that sometimes reality is whatever it is regardless to rather it makes sense or not. This is a very difficult thing for me to accept because I believe in right and wrong. And when wrong is right I don’t know how to apply my other assessment or coping strategies.

Using a simple example, take fashion. I think that it is silly and misguided but here is a 2 + 2 = 5 scenario. Two years ago, some garments from the early 1990’s would have been shunned. Now, I see rather frequently two colored pant legs or other such articles of clothing that came straight out of that era. Fine enough, maybe the person wasn’t around during the trend and they think that it is new. It is the ‘industry’ and media that declared yesterday 2 + 2 = 3 and now 2 + 2 = 5. It was the same with turtlenecks in the 80s or bell bottoms in the early 2000s.

I personally have an aversion to that kind of thought. It makes me want to go the other way deliberately or even cause conflict to try and justify right and wrong. You might say that this is part of what this forum is. I know that too much stewing is counterproductive and I have to fight the urge frequently.

End Your Programming Routine: I am mentally exhausted at this point. I had to have meetings starting at 4AM this morning and after the week I had I am not really motivated to do much more. My reality is that I need to take a break. Hopefully, it will be a nice weekend.