Sorry, but it is going dark again. I will try to keep it high level for privacy reasons. We had a huge family blow-out with my mother-in-law last week. We were trying to convince her that she needed to start the power of attorney process and try to engage hospice. My opinion is that we are within weeks of needing to invoke power of attorney and hospice is needed now. She is no longer able to walk, she is eating very little and is going back and forth with her faculties. In fact, we had to call 911 the other night because my wife thought that she had a stroke.

The next day, when we had the discussion she was firmly obstinate and declared that she was not ready to die and therefore formalize power of attorney. That is where the genesis of this topic came from. In most people’s mind, the terms are synonymous, including mine until that moment. They can mean the same thing but they are distinctly not.

I am reading between the lines in the interaction but here is the reality. I don’t think that she is ever going to be ready to die. She insists that there are good days and bad days, which is true. But, every good day is less good than the last one. In her mind, she is still defiant that she is going to beat this even though all of the doctor’s opinions are otherwise.

Not being ready has led to not being prepared. You can be ready and not prepared and you can be prepared and not ready. You can also be ready and prepared and the opposite, you get the point. To me, preparedness has an ‘if’ component to it whereas ready has a ‘when’ component. When those two circles merge you have the if and when.

Let’s say that you are preparedness minded and you are all stocked up for a hurricane. You have procedures in place for this scenario and that variation. However, if the hurricane strikes while you are on a business trip, you are not ready for it. You are not there to execute those procedures and direct your family and turn on the generator, etc. By the same token, you could be home and prepared and the hurricane misses you so you don’t lose power, it wasn’t necessary. If you happen to be home and not prepared, you know the hurricane is coming so it is too late to do anything about it. You are ready but not prepared.

What other topics can we relate? How about life insurance? I have some but it doesn’t mean I am ready to die, it means that I am prepared in case I do. You have a will, you have other legal documents that just in case I get into a car accident tonight, I have made steps to mitigate the other problems that go on with the situation.

The theory of life insurance is that it replaces income in the event of a loss. As we age beyond our income earning years, life insurance is only there to protect assets for estate planning. So, the if is dying while you are making money and you have a family or spouse that needs it. But, even that tapers off eventually unless your spouse can manage the cash flow without you and you invest the life insurance.

I think the best corollary that most people can relate to is parenthood. So many people of my generation (X) opted to wait to get married or at least waited to have children. I know that we did. Some advice that we got was that you can really never be ready for your first child. It is hard to imagine being a parent when you have no context of what it is really like. Despite all of that, you can be prepared in terms of equipment, training, plans and education. Just because you don’t know if you are ready, that baby is coming and you take it day by day. What you don’t know, you make up and keep trying to learn and get better. This is really all you can do.

I like to think that I have possibly learned something about this interaction. Who really knows what we will be like when we get to this point. I can only imagine what I would feel like if I felt like I wanted to give more and needed more time. Unfortunately, all of this time is really wasting the remaining days. I am expecting this to be a clusterf*ck by the time it is over.

End Your Programming Routine: I suppose ultimately where I am at is that readiness has nothing to do with this situation, it is inevitable. All fighting does is make it more difficult to do the right thing at the right time. Ideally, you would have both states, but if you are going to opt for one, pick preparedness over readiness.