August 11, 2021 – Frank Ojeda Jr

There is no uncertainty in my mind about what I am going to write about today. That is my father-in-law, Frank Ojeda Jr. He died last night as a result of pneumonia. No politics or strong opinions today, just a eulogy. Most people probably wouldn’t care to hear stories about someone that they don’t know but I think that there can be some lessons.

We have so many pictures, I am sure that we will be digging through them in the coming weeks, these were some of the first ones I found.

How does one go about writing about someone when they pass on? I used to be the kind of person that wanted to grieve silently. Now I am the kind of person that likes to share how I felt. I guess that helps me justify my emotions in the first place. I guess I will begin at the end and then jump around from there.

For nearly as long as I have known Frank, health has been a background theme. I think that he was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes about the time my wife and I graduated college twenty four years ago. Six years ago, Frank received a kidney from his sister Gloria. That all was going fine but in some ways, I feel like we have been on borrowed time with him.

He had a big heart. Being in a family of twelve kids, family was the primary activity in life. He was the first person people would call if they wanted or needed something, be it a favor or money. I am not kidding that this family is so large that we have a difficult time getting together because we need a venue for the size of a wedding. The in-laws side is nearly as large as well.

Then, he had his own kids and grandkids. Frank liked to do as most grandparents do and create chaos for their parents. One time he drove six hours with my son to buy a go cart. I didn’t even know that was happening until I got home from work. And, the go-cart is still sitting in my driveway. He was always there with a job for them to do or a fundraiser.

After the kids were out of the house, Frank got big into umpiring softball. Sometimes we would go to softball games and watch two teams that we had no affiliation with just to see him umpire a game. There were several father’s days where that was the case for sure. Unfortunately, he was unable to continue that passion as he lost some sight due to complications with diabetes. These were mostly high school girls teams, but he could command a presence dealing with unruly fans and coaches.

I’ll tell you that Frank could tell some stories. He was always able to come up with campfire/bedtime/ghost stories at the drop of a hat. A lot of the time he claimed that they were real. I am not saying they weren’t but I don’t think I have led a life that is half as exciting. Here a couple headlines Evading a Tornado, Softball Game Ends in Team Fistfight, Followed Home by a Cow at Night and Hitchhiking to California as a Teenager.

Frank shared something special with my son Elijah. They both had birthdays on July 26. For 15 years, he has been getting the short end of our birthday parties as they have tended to be focused on Elijah. We just came out of birthday week, but for the longest time it was July 24-28 for four generations of birthdays at one setting.

When my wife and I first met, she described him as the kind of guy that ex-boyfriends would come over to talk to. Trying to put myself in that position, I don’t know if I would quite go that far but kind and empathetic would be good descriptors.

He liked cars, food, 60s-80s music, naps, TV, sports and most of all being around family. I learned a lot from Frank not so much on the hard skills side, but the soft side. I won’t say that everything was good or worked but I could see some of the techniques he used and go from there.

End Your Programming Routine: My sadness today is really for my wife and kids. There is that don’t tell mom and dad bond I know I had with my grandparents. And for my wife, he was the peacemaker and patriarch of the larger family. I am going to miss a role model for giving and compassion which are areas that are difficult for me. We have a bit of a road ahead.