Month: June 2020

June 15, 2020 – You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with

June 15, 2020 /

I am not 100% sure if Mondays will be a continuation of Sunday small group discussion topics or not. I was asking myself if this is how I want to run this blog? Having spent the better part of my working life primarily around proclaimed athiests and agnostics it kept me a quiet about my beliefs.

On the other hand, this last year has been a new direction. I have never strongly felt that that my identity or path was truly laid before me. I suppose that I have felt like I have one, and not worried too much about it. Maybe this is God’s way of correcting me and setting me straight. In the words of Aaron Tippin, ‘You’ve got to stand for something, or you will fall for anything’

This weeks application of freedom takes a look at how our relationships influence our thoughts and behaviors. The basic concept of being that we behave as an average of the five people that we spend the most time with. Ideally, if Jesus is one of those people then your life will be elevated for the better.

This is an interesting concept for me, because I don’t spend a lot time around people outside of my home. At least quality time or time in relational sense. So, I could complete the activity and add some names into that circle, but I would argue that my small interactions are of little influence. So, I suppose my first order might be to add people, in addition to Jesus.

So the questions this week are

  • Who are the top five in my circle of interaction?
  • How can I reasonably add Jesus into that circle?

Before consistently writing this blog, I used to write in a journal. I tried to write weekly, but sometimes it was only quarterly. I did this for over ten years and it was mostly about goals, accomplishments and book summaries. I suppose it was more like an activity log than anything, but during those periods where I was reading devotionals or more spiritual work I was definitely more deliberate in my thoughts and actions. I would think about and apply what I was reading on a more consistent basis.

One of things that is important with freedom is that we have to respect choice whether we agree with it or not. Without choice, there is no true freedom. I am choosing to try and make myself a better person. With that, welcome to this digital, Christian oriented small group.

June 12, 2020 – Still going… barely

June 12, 2020 /

On Wednesday, my wrist was exceptionally painful. It was to the point that I had to grit my teeth to use my right hand. After making my post, I spent the rest of the morning pacing around and trying to figure out how I was going to get anything done. I went parts shopping for a lot of the afternoon and settled to the reality that I was going to have to do my best with my left hand.

I am OK with my left hand. I can shave, brush my teeth, use a fork and kind-of write. Toe nailing a 16p sinker is not as easy. I know that it is a practice thing. It is the very reason I have spent some time shooting left handed, because you never know if you will always have use of your primary hand. The thing that I noticed is that my left hand is nowhere near as strong as my right, as well as being awkward.

After immobilization, ice, ibuprofen and CBD cream it seemed a little better yesterday. Last night I didn’t wake up from the pain. I don’t want to push my luck though. So, the carpet is in the bedrooms, the broken window has been replaced so those rooms are done.

We bough new appliances to replace the downdraft range so the vent is also a microwave. That required re-routing electrical, cutting a vent slot and sheetrock work. I also have to build a new cabinet for the above the microwave. I am hoping that will be complete before the weekend is over.

I must say that throughout this process, my fear of disturbing sheetrock has gone away. I am to the point now where I would rather spend time repairing the sheetrock than trying to guess or work with it in place. This building seems to have structure ‘at random’. This patch seen here is a 24 inch stud bay that also had blocking for the cabinets (which weren’t used).

This Friday playlist sort of describes how I feel about this week. It has been pretty dark, some hurt, anger and craziness. Have a good weekend, with hopefully better days to come.

June 10, 2020 – 100th post and a side of pain

June 10, 2020 /

I suppose that I have been lucky in life. I haven’t had any broken bones, so far no chronic illness and never a trip to the ER. I do occasionally have some kind of issue in my wrist that is triggered by typing on my lap and some prolonged mouse usage. That stems from a time when I was a young man and holding a high pressure hose all day.

The pain goes away in a few days by modifying how I use the computer and lightening up a bit on things like typing. This last week, I have been dealing with some wrist pain. Unfortunately, it is not getting better but worse. It now feels like it is sprained and is visibly swollen.

My body is telling me that I need to stop and take a break. Unfortunately, that is about a week and a half too early. Ironically, as much as I have been fortunate, I have a lot of experience with the medical system around some of the lessor known specialties.

The science of pain management is much less developed than trauma or acute medicine. It has been a number of years now, but I believe my wife has some sort of immunodeficiency. It started with psoriasis and manifested into full body pain. That lead to incorrect diagnosis of fibromyalgia, then later lupus suspect to eventually disappearing. The complete tale is very long and not really my story to share.

What I am trying to say is that based on my experience, the medical system does not know how to treat pain. The basic approach is to keep trying pharmaceuticals until the pain goes away or you do. It seems to me that the hospital is pretty quick to offer Dilaudid of Fentanyl but root cause is lacking.

I have observed this process several times. Here is a simple workflow.

  1. Person feels pain, goes to ER
  2. ER doesn’t know what to do, sends person back home to follow up with Primary Care Physician (PCP)
  3. Person meets with PCP. PCP doesn’t know what to do and prescribes drugs and tests. Person is told ‘if this doesn’t work then follow up’
  4. Repeat steps 1-3 until PCP refers to specialist
  5. Now substitute specialist for PCP in the chain until specialist gives person back to PCP or hopefully the problem is solved.

In the end, who is managing the care? It is the patient not the doctor. If you do not advocate for yourself or you are not pushy enough then you may end up near death before the issue is addressed. You cannot abdicate your health to someone else, that is foolish.

I am not anti-doctor, nor am I claiming that this is an easy job. What I will say is that they are overburdened and dare I say a little too comfortable writing prescriptions rather than root cause analysis. What changed our lives was investigation and education into actual science. Learning about the causes of inflammation and a willingness to admit that lifestyle and not a drug deficiency was the problem. Cutting out things in our diet that were causing inflammation made those problems disappear.

This has been over ten years now. The experience has made me much more receptive to the idea that there are things broken within the medical system. Care is actually one of them. It has made me realize that there are other tools that aren’t used enough like physical therapy and nutrition. If you are over weight and eat garbage then you are suspect to these problems as well.

The experience has opened me to the idea that there are new frontiers that are not medically or politically acceptable but can be effective like the cannabinoid receptors in our body. I do believe that the legalization argument for marijuana is largely for recreation use but so what? That doesn’t mean that we should write off what is possible.

Wow… I didnt wake up seeing this go this direction this morning. I was thinking that I was going to justify waiting out the pain. I feel like I have a lot more to say but I think that would be rambling at this point.

June 9, 2020 – The final push to the end

June 9, 2020 /

This is typically a week I look forward to. It is a week filled with hope and optimism. I am talking about this week traditionally marks the end of the school year.

I live in a small college town and the Oregon university system has it’s graduation on Saturday of Father’s Day weekend. I don’t know many college kids, only one graduate this year. But it also marks a change of pace for our small town. Traffic lessens noticeably and the everything relaxes a bit. Commencement will be some sort of online ceremony not the typical, hope the sun shines, bask in the glory of completing school on the football field.

High School graduation was last Friday. Had our exchange student not had to leave, we would have been celebrating last weekend. We had a taco cart lined up to throw a combined graduation and good-bye party. They had a single person walk across the stage, one at a time (all day) ceremony. I don’t think that there was an all night party or baccalaureate or even the chance for a senior ‘skip’ day.

Today my oldest will cease to be a middle schooler and will be a high schooler. We have a ‘drive through’ promotion this afternoon. These are all events that I have very fond memories. Real or not, the feeling of accomplishment and the tingling unknown of what the next steps in life will look like have all been diminished a little bit this year.

I also have my own ‘graduation’. June 15 was supposed to be move in day for the apartment. I will have to do that one class in the summer, if you will. My apartment will not be ready by this weekend. Not because of anything I did, the bathroom contractor is behind. The current schedule is carpet tomorrow, window repair on Thursday. There is still the kitchen and some cleaning for my part to be move in ready.

So, for all of the online and drive through graduation ceremonies, here is my digital salute and congratulations to all of you graduates this year. I hope that you enjoy the moment and have fond memories of the year that sort of fizzled at the end. Know this, I am just as disappointed as you are because I feel like something was taken that you didn’t know you were going to have, a yearly reminder of that feeling of new beginnings.

June 8, 2020 – Am I qualified for this role?

June 8, 2020 /

This post started on Friday, like all tasks recently, I got interrupted and never got through it all. Now it is going to take a slightly different twist, somewhat of an analysis. It has been a long time since I talked about my faith on this site. In some ways, it is very personal but religion can also be very divisive.

I mentioned last Monday that I took a class on leading a small group for our church. Because we cannot gather as an entire church congregation on Sunday, this is a two fold effort. I will use my terms – one is to enable people to connect in a deeper and more personal level and the other is to build a deeper and more resilient organization.

I want to divert to religion and doctrine for a minute. I grew up in a church that was more liturgical. That means that the process of ritual and symbolism are important in the worship. I now attend a church that is evangelical and it is more about living values. As I have tried a lot of different things and explored denominations, I have not found one that I feel like ‘this is exactly like what I think it should be’. But, we were attending a different church for a while and one day the message was load and clear – don’t let perfect be the enemy of good (for attending church). If God is going to discriminate on denomination, then we are all in a lot of trouble.

In my introverted, liturgical mind, there are some things that are uncomfortable like asking for prayer and such. But, that doesn’t mean that I don’t agree with them and think that practices are more in line with how I interpret the message. I also often find that if you remain on the outside, these things never get easier or more comfortable. I guess jumping in, leading a small group and becoming vulnerable is a way to overcome that.

So with that, I am going go a little deeper into what we are doing. The following are the core values of the church and our group.

  • Safe
  • Serving
  • Submitted
  • Spiritually Awake
  • Sent

The initial kickoff of the group is to watch the service together and then dig in deeper into the message. There are some questions at the end to help facilitate that.

As I am writing this, it feels as if world is on ‘proverbial’ fire. We have riots and plague to a level that I have never seen in my life. With that, I have personally observed nastiness and name calling. Friends accusing others of racism when they don’t think you are doing your part or to the same level (even when you are agreeing with them). This is my attempt to re-center and lead by example.

The questions of the week are

  • What does freedom mean to me and what has God freed me from?
  • How can I love carefully this week?
    • What is it that you are saying that you think I need to know?

Admittedly, I struggle with empathy and forgiveness. That is definitely something that I need to keep working on. I could probably go on with analysis and so forth. But, I think that providing the gist of small groups and what we are about is a good start today.

June 4, 2020 – ‘Tacticool’ Thursday

June 4, 2020 /

There is a concept in the preparedness and concealed carry circles about this idea of ‘Everyday Carry’ or EDC for short. The idea is to evaluate what you have on you or with you, always. Those are the things that you will most likely have if something goes south and we are not talking about a zombie takeover, but a car breaks down, you are notified that a loved one was transported to the hospital or the power goes out at the library (or a zombie apocalypse).

I have run the gamut between less and more stuff. Right now, I definitely lean toward the less end of the spectrum. I am talking about things such as keys, wallet, phone, etc. (add facemask for now). Since I have not been working and have been primarily home this last year, I haven’t had a normal ‘get ready in the morning’ routine which now makes me grab and go when I leave.

Example of EDC loadout

There are forums on the subject and some people get really into their gadgets. There are keychain wrenches and gizmos, some people carry USB drives or battery packs for their phones. I have even heard of someone carrying another cell phone from a different carrier as back-up.

What I find is that there is a limit on reasonable amounts of stuff in your pockets. I have literally had my pants falling down from weight at times. This is particularly true when your pants are too big or too small. Women can put a lot of stuff in a purse but I really dont want to carry a ‘man purse’. There is a different level of gear called a ‘get home bag’ for another post.

The concept of EDC is not supposed to change with circumstance. For instance, don’t go to a bad area of town. You want to avoid a gunfight at all costs. However, we are all human. Elastic waste band shorts just don’t hold enough weight to pocket carry a 12oz firearm and phone and keys and flashlight, etc. Unless you are prepared to look like Batman, adjustments have to be made. Cargo pants can help without looking too out of place.

In the past I have enjoyed perusing the forums to see if anyone has had a better idea or some new piece of gear. I always end up enjoying the pictures but not changing anything because there is limited space so it needs to be pretty high value.

There is one more term that is fairly common and that is minimalist. This is the idea that functions are combined and/or reduced to the minimum. Truth be told, I rarely use most things in the picture outside of my wallet and keys. Therefore, I don’t carry most of those things.

Just remember, with all things urban survival, you want to be the ‘gray man’. You don’t want to stand out in any situation.

June 3, 2020 – Making time

June 3, 2020 /

Life is so busy for me right now. I have a significant deadline to get this house livable in two weeks. I am feeling major pressure to find a suitable replacement job. I have a desire to build a lifestyle income and I have other personal interests that I would like to complete.

That said, I took last night off. I have been working from the moment I wake up until nearly bedtime since early March, every day. I took Mother’s Day off and I took the Saturday of Memorial weekend off.

I love what I am doing, I am seriously considering making a go of construction or handyman work. I also have a really hard time turning things off. Even as I sat around the fire, I had to weigh the pressure of my project versus the guilt of my presence. But, I decided to push that all aside.

It was a beautiful evening. We started a fire and popped popcorn over it. The kids roasted marshmallows and made smores. I drank a beer and enjoyed the warmth of the fire as well as sitting down doing nothing for an hour.

I have been accused of being around, but not present. I don’t know if that is something that will ever change, but it is something that can make a conscious effort to be aware of. I am ready to be done with this project. Everyday, all day for months is starting to get old when you want the freedom to do something else at times. So, back to work for me.

June 2, 2020 – My mom is now a YouTuber

June 2, 2020 /

I feel like I am from a different era in life. As much as I am of Generation X, I also feel like I was watching many of the character building stereotypes through a fishbowl. I am aware of the pop culture trends of the 1970s, 80s and 90s, but didn’t completely participate.

I wasn’t a ‘latch key kid’, we didn’t get cable, we weren’t allowed to watch Saturday morning cartoons or TV whenever we wanted. We didn’t spend our weekends watching rented VHS movies one after the other. We didn’t have a mall in town until high school, but we weren’t permitted to roam just willy-nilly. I guess that is probably why I am the only one in my family who knows how to set a proper table.

I am not one that wants a high degree of formality in life, but it is nice to have the knowledge in your pocket when you want it like for Thanksgiving or Christmas. I lament to my family, probably weekly that their lack of decorum around the table is sad. Some day, my boys are going to want to appear polite for someone else instead of setting the table by throwing out napkins and forks, and forgetting half the items.

One of the things I did on Mother’s Day weekend was to help my mom edit a video on proper table setting. I didn’t actually watch it until last night and I learned a few things. Here it is so that you can finally learn how to make a proper table setting.

June 1, 2020 – Aghhh… to many things going on!

June 1, 2020 /

I know that it seems like I dart around from subject to subject. And to a large degree that is true. But, this is a creative outlet that will eventually pushing to something larger. This is why I make it a priority every weekday to post. As everyone is influenced, my favorite podcasts are ones that are not strictly business but intermingle personal life into the subject matter. That is why I do it.

First and foremost, this is my mom’s birthday. Happy birthday mom. It is sometimes difficult to step back and see your parents move from “senior citizens” to very near elderly. My dad is moving toward mid seventies now. I am starting to keep an eye on them more to make sure that they can continue to be healthy and active, but behaving age appropriate. As the years move on, I need to be more involved as I am definitely the closest geographic child.

Friday night, my wife and I took a class in hosting a small group in our church. The idea is that people are allowed to gather in small groups at this time and it harkens back to a format of early church where people met in their homes. Additionally, relationship is the foundation of strong spiritual connection and growth. This is supposed to start next Sunday, I am thinking of writing more about our plans on Friday.

Saturday marked the much anticipated opening of Tractor Supply. This is the biggest retail opening in nearly thirty years in this town. It was the mid-nineties when the last grocery store (one of two) was built and a complimentary establishment to other businesses in town. I do believe that it will impact other businesses in the area, but we didnt have great options to buy things like pet food in town. I am not sure about their hours, but for a town that starts to roll-up after five, I can see myself frequenting them because other hardware options are closed.

After we inventoried Tractor Supply, we headed to Costco for our major monthly, grocery shop. I picked up a new laptop, an HP Pavillion 15.6″. This is my first experience with HP as my last three home computers and six business computers have been Dell. I am not going to try a completely justify the purchase, but in these days of school and working from home, having a device that I can use to build my site will be nice. I have been wanting to start podcasting and more video editing and now I feel like I have a dedicated home to work.

After the chores have been done, back to work on my apartment. I wont talk about it too much now, but a photo grid from the weekend.

And now, back to work.